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We've been dating for over a yer now but in the last few months our sex has drastically decreased at first started to go down from at least 1-2 times a day for at least 5 months and then it went down to 1-2 times a week and then to 1-2 times a month and now it's been a month and a half since we've had sex. I've read a few articles about this allready, but none seem to fit my problem exactly. I was worried for a while that it might be me that was the problem and but he told me it wasn't and i know he wouldn't lie to me. I've asked him about it but he says theres nothing wrong. I just don't know what to do anymore. He's only a year older than me and he's suppose to be in hes prime. Is there anything I can do? I Haven't pressured him or anything because I dont want him to do it just to shut me up. I want him to want to. and I'm just not satistied anymore and im not asking for everyday, at this point once or twice a week would be nice. A far as I know there's nothing he's stressed about at work or school, could it be a cobination of the 2? or something else going on that I don't know about? and please keep in mind that im am searching for help and advice and I don't want to hear find a new boyfriend. I love him and im not leaving him, even if it means were not going to have sex anymore. But it's frustration for the time being as I find it a tad odd that I want it more than he does. and I don't really want to talk to any of my friends abotu it because I live in a small town and this is personal and I don't need everyone talking about it. and the last thing I want him to feel is embarassed. I havn't told anyone of my friends but I'm in need of some advice. Any Ideas?
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Anon,
What a sensitive and thoughtful suggestion. Thank you so much for taking the time to write. Sounds like you may have done this yourself in the past (write the letters). Is that so? Did it help you?
March 5, 2010 - 8:34amThis Comment
Yes the anon was me...i just signed up after i posted that comment
March 5, 2010 - 12:10pmThis Comment
Yes I have used the letter tactic....and yes it definitely helped. I have found in my experience that the letter helps me get everything out in the open. My b/f is not an easy person to talk too at times and before i can get out what I am feeling, its a full blown argument. He has read my letters and responded with how he never knew I felt the way I was feeling. he would also express how he felt about certain things and then we both would have a picture of what each one of us is experiencing and then from there we both make an attempt to change what we are doing or not doing to make the other unhappy.
It truly makes a difference.
March 5, 2010 - 12:09pmThis Comment
Thank you for your reply anonymous, have you ever sought out counseling?
February 28, 2010 - 11:14amThis Comment
We're 50 and its the same problem, and no he doesnt have an ertectile problem. We had sex like rabbits for the first 6 months and now a year later its about every 2 months out of sympathy I feel. I simply turn him off because I want him so much. Its embarrassing, its distressing and so sad becuase for the first time in my life we're both madly in love.
February 28, 2010 - 10:42amThis Comment
I don't know how long ago you wrote this, but I've been experiencing the same thing. We've been together for about a year and a half now. We use to have sex everyday couple times a day. And of course the numbers got less and less. But now every time I ask he always say's HE'S TIRED. He works one full-time job and the work isn't that strenuous. I once made a joke that we should start scheduling it so that at least I would know exactly when we were going to have sex, but he said that are situation isn't that bad. But to me it is. I love him and I understand that after a long day at work all you want to do is relax, but to me sex is relaxing and enjoyable, no matter what mood I'm in. I try to ask him what we or I should do about it. And he say's that maybe we're just not right for each other. Maybe so, but then why am I up at 10:33 at night on a Friday sitting here writing this. If I didn't care I would have threw in the towel months ago.
February 27, 2010 - 1:36amHELP!!!!!
What should I DO?
This Comment
You know, I've been with my boyfriend for two years on March 8th. We used to have sex EVERY time we saw one another, wich was usually 5 out of 7 nights a week. We did it 13 times in 12 hours once. Then, in September I moved in with him and now, we never have sex. It was about 2 or 3 times a week for a while, but then his bestfriend moved in with us, and since then, its been MAYBE once a week. And when we DO finally do it, its quick, not passionate, not exciting, NOTHING. I feel like he's doing it just so he doesn't have to hear me bitch anymore. I've even made jokes about how if he doesn't take care of it, 'I'll just do it myself', and he just makes jokes back about how that's less work for him. When we seriously talk about it, he just says there's no problem and that he's just not in the mood anymore. We never even KISS kiss anymore, other than a peck before he leaves for work. I don't have any kind of sollution for you...all I know is that you're not the only one with this issue, and if you find a sollution...let me know!!
February 25, 2010 - 12:12pmThis Comment
PLEASEEE HELP!!! I am 20 years old and my boyfriend is 22. we have been together for 5 years, and now our sex life it's really bad. We fight every day aboutsex, he says that sex is not the reason of why he is with me and that's understandable but he doesn't see that that is breaking us up. I don't know what to do!!! he says that we have been with each other too long and he says that sex is always going to be there. I see it completeyly different and as a female i feel very upset and every angry everyday. I don'tknow if he is cheating or me or if he don't like me anymore. Everytime that i tell him this is not goingto woork out anymore and we should brake up, he always says that he doesn't want to end this relationship and that he is going to change. I'm just too tired of waiting for him to change because the next day is the same fight agaian (sex), please help me i don't know what to do....do men really go through this??? we are sooo young and i don't think we should go through this stress era just yet!!
February 20, 2010 - 1:19pmThis Comment
well i have been going through some similar sex problems and from what i have been seen with my own eyes is that if you pressure him everyday about having sex then he is just going to block you out completely. it doesnt mean he is cheating its just that he is starting to see it as an obligation instead of something he should do because he wants to.. some of us women are trying to force our men into having sex with us that its tearing us apart inside when we get rejected.. i posted a few days ago that my man dont want to have sex with me, i thought it was because i am pregnant and some men arent as comfortable with having sex with their spouse while carrying a child but i sat down for hrs and talked to him and we got down to the bottom of it and had the most amazing sex ever the other night.. he told me that he was using the fact that i was pregnant to get out of having sex because he felt to much pressure to have sex. he went from wanting sex all the time to never wanting sex. i found myself mad everyday all day because i could not get my man to have sex with me.. but i listened to him and i stopped trying to seduce him and trying to convince him to have sex with me and he came to me on his own a few days later.. so i guess the best thing to do is pretend that you dont want it, even though you really and i mean really want it you just have to put ur needs aside and let him come to you... or you can do what i did and talk to him ask him why he dont want to have sex, if its because your on his case about it all the time, or if its something else.. and ladies the worse thing u can do is keep accusing ur man of sleeping with someone else because that pushes them away as well and makes them not want to sleep with u too.. trust me i accused him too
February 21, 2010 - 7:44pmThis Comment
Mzholly,
February 21, 2010 - 8:52pmThank you for sharing your story, and I am so happy to hear that just by talking to your partner, and actually listening and learning about what his needs are (for him, it was less obligation and pressure to have sex), so that you can both have more fulfilling physical intimacy without the guilt, obligation, accusations and pressure.
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