Why Doesn't my boyfriend want to have sex with me anymore?

Hi there, miscortes and sweetstrawberrykisses :)
I have joined, I am sls014 or simmone. Firstly, thank you miscortes for you kind words of support. It is still so very hard.. I got a tattoo in memory if i didnt say already. The star sign. Your probably right... maybe he is afraid of getting me pregnant again. I dont know. But sweetstrawberrykisses i agree my partner gets cranky... I tried once as I said and it made things worse.. I think guys cant really talk about things properly. I know he loves me too. And guys show that in different ways.. My partner bought us a puppy and that i think was his way of helping me.. But sweetstrawberrykisses i know what you mean I want himm to want me too. As much as I want him. I mean US women have needs too yeah? :P
anyway thank you so very much. I came accross this website last night and i have had so many people respond already! Thankyou.

im 20, my boyfriend is 19 (nearly 20) and we've been together for 2 years 5 months and 1 day. in the beginning, the first 9 or 10 months of our relationship, he was all over me. then it stopped. more or less completely. i lost my virginity to him and i feel so cheated. i love him with all my heart and i know he loves me, he says he still fancies me and i know he would never cheat. but im too young to have lost my sex life. i only just started to have one and i now i feel like he's taken it away from me. i hate that it bothers me so much. i love him and the fact that he doesnt need sex is ok, i suppose i dont NEED it either. but i want it. i want to be wanted. and its actually killing me that he doesnt want me. ive tried to talk to him about it but he wont at all and just gets annoyed at me. thers nothing going on with uni or home or anything that could be making him stressed. hes th most laid back person i know! i dont know what to do. i thought it would make me feel better knowing i wasnt the only person going through this. but it doesnt. in fact i think it actually hurts more.

Hi Anonymous,

I am sorry to hear about the loss of your child. A loss of even an unborn child can be very hard. Here is a link for a support group for you http://www.epigee.org/fetal/coping.html.

I think many of the feelings of neglect from him may be stemming from your loss of your child. You should certainly try to heal yourself so you don't feel neglected by him. Maybe he understands that you are hurting from your loss and is trying to be supportive to you by giving you some space. Talk to him about how you are feeling.

We are here for you anytime you need to talk and we can certainly try and help you deal with your loss and trying to regain your relationship with your significant other. Have to sought counseling? If you would like, you can join our sight and anytime we reply to your posts, you will receive an e-mail so you can follow up. Just click on the Join link.

I am in the same situation....... EXACTLY. Except, in january this year I had to have a termination of pregnancy which i have and am still finding so so so difficult to deal with. My partner is so so so good to me and i just feel so0o0 down all the time about this. As you said it feels weird that I want it more tha n he does. Every morning he has his own little private session in the shower when im in bed.. and that hurts. is that stupid. I just feel like he doesnt want me in that way.. or like im not good enough. I cant talk to him or anyone about this...
I just need someone to talk too/

my man wont have sex with me neither and went and told another female(probably the one he having sex with) that he hates having sex with me and that the only reason he does it is because I want him to.Because of this I no longer will or want to have sex with him,it has embaressed and humiliated me and hurt the shit out of me that he would even tell someone this.on top of it when I even try to touch him in certain ways he stop me so as of nowDear Miss Kitty,
I will be brutally honest because I'm a male and we are brutal compared to women, so I'm allowed. We males are like females in many ways when romance is concerned, but in some ways we are also like aliens.

All men start with a 100% ability to love (the same as women), but, because of our promiscuous nature and minimal romantic education (most sex education, as limited as it is, does not include the most important thing for a woman - romance). We want to sow our oats until past our prime, and that's the trap that loses us our ability to love.

Each time a male has a sexual relationship with a woman, that doesn't include romance, a percentage of that ability to love is lost(the same, again, applies to women, though a female loses most to begin with and holds on to the last few percentiles whereas a male is exactly opposite).

Some of us have sex with as many women as we can, caring not for the woman's feelings because another is just around the corner, but in doing this we become cold-blooded regarding the "use"of women. Therefore I would ask you a number of questions to ascertain your boyfriend's current loss-ratio and the amount of love he's still able to maintain.

Sex is irrelevant without love to a woman who can still feel and need love. If all you want is sex then keeping this boyfriend can't be that important, and I suggest you start looking for a male who wants love and romance, who will do anything for you - this person has the only way for you to regain that ability. (Hard to find I'm afraid - these individuals stick with their partners and can only be separated by the death of their mate. You sound like you might be young so I suggest you go for a widower or a young and gallant male who is less likely to stray once he has invested his love in you.)

Does your boyfriend, when he has made love to you, get up straight away after sex without a long kiss/cuddle-period (to bring you slowly down from your arousal)? If he is a considerate lover he will ALWAYS do this, if he did do this before but doesn't now, then you have lost him, and any wish of yours to keep him is futile. You may already be his alternate sex-interest - if he can't get it somewhere else - and romance is not in his mind anymore (at least with you).

In a typical romantic relationship that begins as "permanent", a three year sunset-clause is attached. The bright and shiny stomach-achey love of the best relationships cannot breech this period - if the love is great then a comfortable and relaxed romantic friendship with follow (often it is only during this period that a woman will experience a total climax as she can feel safe enough to abandon her inhibitions with the trust such a solid relationship brings - funnily enough, a romance spike occurs if this happens as ALL males DREAM of producing a total climax in a female. By the way, most males are extremely sensitive to a female's REAL climax and most males know when a woman is faking it, but they go along with the act because to so otherwise would embarrass them.).

Anyone who expects to have a torrid and hot relationship forever is going to be disappointed. Those who wish to have romance for as long as possible (men or women) will dump their partner every three years and get a new one (I call them love-junkies) - but doing this will erode their abilty to love until a permanent life-long relationship becomes impossible.

It sounds like he's not concerned that after only one year his libido has dived, which means he doesn't care about you or your concern. I'm sorry to be blunt but that is life, if you can't deal with the truth of the matter you will only further hurt yourself. My advice is, as a male who believes women are better than men at most things that are important, DUMP HIM and move, he's a thoughtless slug who should be sensitive enough to either explain himself or find help. Personally I think he's getting sex somewhere else and you are being cheated out of your ability.

If you were my missus (girlfriend or wife) the first time you suggested you wished a little extra sex I'd have had you in every room of the house by weeks end - but not before nominating each room in advance and telling you what you were going to be in for (anticpation heightens satisfaction.).

By the way, with a little imagination and a deft hand with onés maintenance masturbation, a male can do it every day way past their prime and reach a level of rigidity that could rival a sex-toy - like me at 55 (use it or lose it).

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Comment by Anonymous on I will no longer try to have sex with him or touch him in that way anymore.it's made me feel like shit inloveed unwanted and starved for just being touched.I refuse to let him keep making me feel like shit on top of it he told me I could fu*k who Iwanted to.He wont tell me who he's seeing and I doubt he ever will but he gives enough hints,I am now the other woman in his relationship with whoever it is.About as close as I can get to him is putting my head on his chest and sleeping it goes no further than that and before its over with he will put a stop to that more so out of respect for her than for me.

I am going through the exact same thing. And when I question him about it he says he doesn't know. He lives 3 hours away...we used to live together but his job moved him to another place. He lives in a hotel for 2 weeks at a time then comes and visits me for his week off. I feel like in that week there is barely anytime to do anything. For the first few sets that he came home, all we did was have sex. And now we rarely do. I came to visit him at his hotel for 3 days...and we have yet to have sex. I tried I was touching him and shit and he just looked at me...should we go to bed??? I feel like its me...but then I went into the bar in his hotel today and seen this rlly sexy waitress working...she was dressed like in rlly short shorts and a tang top...and I said to my bf...wow shes dressed a little inaproiatly...and he didnt say anyting he just grunted...Im rlly stressed that he doesntwant to have sex with me because he has found someone better here....and since i cant always be there for him he has just stopped wanting me.

im in the same situation i desperatly need advice...We have only ben dating for 5 months! We get along so well we felt like we loved eachoter within the first few weeks, we feel so comfortable together and ive never felt like this with anyone before. He treats me so nice and is the perfect boyfriend except we are only having sex maybe 1 times a week, and sometimes only 1 time a fortnight - and we have been together only 5 months!!!! We are both really busy, he plays sport and trains at the gym 5 days a week and i know in the evening we just chill out and talk and cuddle in front of the tv. Ive been getting really upset about it lately and ive told him i dont think its right the amount of sex we are having. I love him so much but i feel that he should be grabbing me and telling me to get into the bedroom - actually desperatly wanting to have sex with me, but i dont know what it is. He's a really nice guy and i think maybe he just isnt like that he doesnt think with his dick, but me and my ex used to have it atleast 1-2 times a day for the whole year we were together and its hard now to go down to this.

I dont want to break up with him i honestly think he is the one, but im starting to think with out a sexual relationship were only great friends and maybe i need to cut my losses and move on. I really dont want to though i dont think there is another guy better than him in this world so i dont know what to do. PLEASE HELP

Hi, I've posted a similar problem somewhere else and Susan pointed out this thread to me. I'm also in a similar situation but unlike most of you this is the beginning of our relationship. Instead of posting the same story i'll just paste the link here..
https://www.empowher.com/community/ask/my-husband-isnt-attracted-me#comment-55171
I'd really appreciate any input from you guys. This is killing me...