Why Doesn't my boyfriend want to have sex with me anymore?

Sorry girls but doesn't matter how angel like you think your fella is, or how many garlic pills or baked beans you might give him to spur him on to get randy, IF YOUR GUY IS NOT HAVING SEX WITH YOU IT'S BECAUSE HE'S DOING IT WITH SOMEONE ELSE ... end of x

very simular situation bin wif my partner for 2 1/2 years hes turning 21 this year and for the last year he just doesnt seem 2 ever want to have sex with me theres always an excuse every day. We've had numerous arguments because iv told him it makes me feel crap and iv lost all confidence and self esteme and it feels like he never even wats to touch me even at weekends the last time we had sex was about 2 months ago im a size 8 and havent dramatically put any weight on im just sick of feeling not wanted and disgusting.

Hi. I am a male in my late 20s. I found this site after I googled "why dont i want to have sex with my girlfriend" and I figured I would add some of my thoughts. First of all, the fact that I had to google it to find answers shows i am not even sure myself. But when I think about it i can think of a few things. I didnt read through all the threads here but there are many that make some good points.

Quickly about my relationship: we have been together for almost 4 years. We have sex maybe 2 times a month, she initiates almost all of it. She initiates much more often and I guess i "reject" her (in fact she tells me all the time i reject her). The weirdest part is that I am still horny (maybe not as much as many guys I know- please recognize that guys have varying levels of sex-drive, i personally rarely even take care of myself).

I am still attracted to her but, like any person, I wish she would fix up a few things. But I DO NOT think this makes me want to not have sex with her. A bigger factor I think is she waits until we are ready to go to sleep, when I am dead tired from going-going-going all day. I seriously just cant fathom the energy. Sometimes i am also in the middle of something and I guess it makes me uncomfortable to not finish a task (guys like to able to "check" something off as completed). And yes, stress is a factor too. I do a lot of stuff and working hard on developing a good career and this affects me -but yes, i know many guys who at the drop of a dime or in the middle of any stressful situations are always up for sex. I guess i don't separate sex from everything else well. I am probably also sensitive (most people think i am more of a tough, cocky guy based on my look, but anyways-) in the fact that I know i never want to have sex if we have had a fight or even when there is lingering crap. To me i want it fixed between us before we get busy.

I have noticed, like some others have mentioned, that when we spend time away from each other i am a little more aggressive and even initiate sex. We live together now and I barely have my own space or time to myself. I think that maybe a good strategy to increasing frequency: get away from each other! Also, on lazy days when we are just hanging around the house (not when i am tired, busy or in the middle of something) we usually end up having sex. And believe it or not, I hate that we dont ever really talk about it. She just will complain or make snide coments (which does not help). Actually, i think she has given up in recent months. I know I am offending her and that it hurts our relationship, and thats why i decided to google this, but i dont want to force myself to have sex (that sounds absurd coming from a guy, i know, but its true). But I would really like to talk to her about it and see what we can do but she doesnt like to talk about it like that...

Some other quick notes: I often times feel i need to deserve sex. If i feel like i have to finish something or i havent been successful with some of my goals i dont feel i deserve it (this is a problem with myself, i dont think there is a way my GF can fix this). Also, i actually like oral more than regular and i think getting more oral will actually make me hornier for normal sex (but i dont know how to say that without sounding like a jerk).

I dont know, i know things arent normal for us. I wish i could make it better so she is happier about herself and us, But its not that simple. Oh, and i dont cheat - that is way too much work to pull-off on the side! Yes, many guys do but as far as i know those guys still want sex with their partners because they just aren't getting enough so they supplement on the side. Also, sorry to say, guys are wired to want to be with many or "other" people. However, if they are not having sex with the gf and are cheating i would say they are done with the relationship and just dont have the balls to end it.

A little lengthy, but I hope this helps.

Thank you for your male point of view on this, Anonymous. We really appreciate your interest in helping answer this question. Please feel free to join our site and provide your input anytime.

As a guy that's in your boyfriend's shoes, I've been trying to figure out why my sex drive is dead. I found your article. Personally, I have a couple of suspects--1) An intense exercise routine that I've been doing that has caused me to lose 20 lbs and frequently be physically tired. 2) Maybe it's the relationship. I'm not sure if we've lost the "spark" and are just going through the motions, but a lot of times, I don't even feel like hanging out with my girlfriend.

For better or worse, I hope you figure it out. The mystery is harder to deal with...

I have been with my fiance for 2 1/2 years and we were friends for 4 years first. We stopped having sex on a regular basis when i was 5 months pregnant. He said he was weirded out by the baby being inside me while we had sex. But my daughter is 10 months old and we still don't have sex very often. And when we do most of the time it's just sex. I do not orgasm from sex (only from oral sex). Before i got pregnant almost everytime we had sex we would have oral sex too so that i could orgasm. But not since the baby. He hardly ever gives me oral sex, let alone any sex. He get's erections and can have sex..he says that he just doesnt want to. I dont understand. We have talked about it many times he of course swears it's not me.. or my weight gain from the baby. I know that he is not cheating on me (I have been married before and know what that feels like) he's not that kind of a guy. We are in our mid 20's, this doesn't make sense to me. As if gaining weight with my baby didnt do enough to my self esteem, now its been a little over year of him rejecting me and pushing me away....what do i do?

Hi all again, I completely agree with marmalade-skies...its basically what i wrote earlier in this thread. Boredom and familiarality are major passion killers!!! spending too much time with a man and doing too much for him, is a basic recipe for him losing interrest!

Cheating is usually a symptom, not a cause in itself and happens generally when the man is bored and seeks an ego boost from another source...come on girls our men should fight for us, not us fight for them...but no one, no matter how physically perfect they might be remains sexy, once they've fallen into domesticity and can happily trog about in their "fat" trousers and baggy old PJ's etc. Get pro-active, go out and always look ya best!

Hey, my boyfriend and I are both 21, and I had the same problem with him. We've been together for a year a half, and it's basically the exact same story you have up here. First off, do not assume that he's cheating on you. I'm a sucker for nice guys, and my boyfriend is no different, and though some boys like to make excuses and say that it's human nature to cheat that is just a stupid way to dismiss selfishness and immorality towards another person.

Part of my boyfriend's problems stemmed from being exposed to porn at a young age (around 12) and then hearing about how dirty it was at church, so he spent so much time trying to block that all out that he had trouble enjoying it without feeling guilty.
Plus, he gets more enjoyment out of awesome conversation than physical action. (just throwing it out there because all guys and all girls are different, we're not cookie cutters)

What helped me: We actually spent too much time together. I spent more time with my friends without him and him with his without me, and we did more group activities together. This meant that if he wanted me he couldn't just have me whenever. It's kinda like you want what you can't have. Be a little bit of a challenge. He also started exercising again. He was the captain of the swim team, but hadn't really been in shape since high school, so once he started exercising he had more confidence being naked and feeling like he looked good, and I'm sure the endorphins helped. So hang out more with your friends to get a little bit of space, go travel or something, try to inspire him to try out for a mini-marathon if he's the competitive type, or compliment him on how he does things. Also to spice things up you can always look online at cosmo.

Good luck miss!

There are several possibilities, none of them good.

1. He's cheating on you, and since he's getting sex elsewhere, he no longer needs it from you.
2. He's gay, and was faking enjoying sex early on, but tired of going through the motions.
3. He no longer finds you attractive (if, for instance, there has been a dramatic change in your appearance).
4. He's using drugs. Perhaps just prescription drugs. Several can lower sexual desire or result in impotence, such as antidepressants, antihypertensives and cholesterol lowering medicines.
5. He has an impotence problem, and you caught him at an unusually good time early on. Now he's returned to what is normal for him, and doesn't initiate sex because he's afraid he can't perform.
6. He's under some sort of major outside pressure (such as an extremely demanding work schedule, a pending arrest, or the death of a loved one) which has made him so distracted and/or fatigued that he just can't get in the mood very often.