Hi. I am a male in my late 20s. I found this site after I googled "why dont i want to have sex with my girlfriend" and I figured I would add some of my thoughts. First of all, the fact that I had to google it to find answers shows i am not even sure myself. But when I think about it i can think of a few things. I didnt read through all the threads here but there are many that make some good points.
Quickly about my relationship: we have been together for almost 4 years. We have sex maybe 2 times a month, she initiates almost all of it. She initiates much more often and I guess i "reject" her (in fact she tells me all the time i reject her). The weirdest part is that I am still horny (maybe not as much as many guys I know- please recognize that guys have varying levels of sex-drive, i personally rarely even take care of myself).
I am still attracted to her but, like any person, I wish she would fix up a few things. But I DO NOT think this makes me want to not have sex with her. A bigger factor I think is she waits until we are ready to go to sleep, when I am dead tired from going-going-going all day. I seriously just cant fathom the energy. Sometimes i am also in the middle of something and I guess it makes me uncomfortable to not finish a task (guys like to able to "check" something off as completed). And yes, stress is a factor too. I do a lot of stuff and working hard on developing a good career and this affects me -but yes, i know many guys who at the drop of a dime or in the middle of any stressful situations are always up for sex. I guess i don't separate sex from everything else well. I am probably also sensitive (most people think i am more of a tough, cocky guy based on my look, but anyways-) in the fact that I know i never want to have sex if we have had a fight or even when there is lingering crap. To me i want it fixed between us before we get busy.
I have noticed, like some others have mentioned, that when we spend time away from each other i am a little more aggressive and even initiate sex. We live together now and I barely have my own space or time to myself. I think that maybe a good strategy to increasing frequency: get away from each other! Also, on lazy days when we are just hanging around the house (not when i am tired, busy or in the middle of something) we usually end up having sex. And believe it or not, I hate that we dont ever really talk about it. She just will complain or make snide coments (which does not help). Actually, i think she has given up in recent months. I know I am offending her and that it hurts our relationship, and thats why i decided to google this, but i dont want to force myself to have sex (that sounds absurd coming from a guy, i know, but its true). But I would really like to talk to her about it and see what we can do but she doesnt like to talk about it like that...
Some other quick notes: I often times feel i need to deserve sex. If i feel like i have to finish something or i havent been successful with some of my goals i dont feel i deserve it (this is a problem with myself, i dont think there is a way my GF can fix this). Also, i actually like oral more than regular and i think getting more oral will actually make me hornier for normal sex (but i dont know how to say that without sounding like a jerk).
I dont know, i know things arent normal for us. I wish i could make it better so she is happier about herself and us, But its not that simple. Oh, and i dont cheat - that is way too much work to pull-off on the side! Yes, many guys do but as far as i know those guys still want sex with their partners because they just aren't getting enough so they supplement on the side. Also, sorry to say, guys are wired to want to be with many or "other" people. However, if they are not having sex with the gf and are cheating i would say they are done with the relationship and just dont have the balls to end it.
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Hi. I am a male in my late 20s. I found this site after I googled "why dont i want to have sex with my girlfriend" and I figured I would add some of my thoughts. First of all, the fact that I had to google it to find answers shows i am not even sure myself. But when I think about it i can think of a few things. I didnt read through all the threads here but there are many that make some good points.
Quickly about my relationship: we have been together for almost 4 years. We have sex maybe 2 times a month, she initiates almost all of it. She initiates much more often and I guess i "reject" her (in fact she tells me all the time i reject her). The weirdest part is that I am still horny (maybe not as much as many guys I know- please recognize that guys have varying levels of sex-drive, i personally rarely even take care of myself).
I am still attracted to her but, like any person, I wish she would fix up a few things. But I DO NOT think this makes me want to not have sex with her. A bigger factor I think is she waits until we are ready to go to sleep, when I am dead tired from going-going-going all day. I seriously just cant fathom the energy. Sometimes i am also in the middle of something and I guess it makes me uncomfortable to not finish a task (guys like to able to "check" something off as completed). And yes, stress is a factor too. I do a lot of stuff and working hard on developing a good career and this affects me -but yes, i know many guys who at the drop of a dime or in the middle of any stressful situations are always up for sex. I guess i don't separate sex from everything else well. I am probably also sensitive (most people think i am more of a tough, cocky guy based on my look, but anyways-) in the fact that I know i never want to have sex if we have had a fight or even when there is lingering crap. To me i want it fixed between us before we get busy.
I have noticed, like some others have mentioned, that when we spend time away from each other i am a little more aggressive and even initiate sex. We live together now and I barely have my own space or time to myself. I think that maybe a good strategy to increasing frequency: get away from each other! Also, on lazy days when we are just hanging around the house (not when i am tired, busy or in the middle of something) we usually end up having sex. And believe it or not, I hate that we dont ever really talk about it. She just will complain or make snide coments (which does not help). Actually, i think she has given up in recent months. I know I am offending her and that it hurts our relationship, and thats why i decided to google this, but i dont want to force myself to have sex (that sounds absurd coming from a guy, i know, but its true). But I would really like to talk to her about it and see what we can do but she doesnt like to talk about it like that...
Some other quick notes: I often times feel i need to deserve sex. If i feel like i have to finish something or i havent been successful with some of my goals i dont feel i deserve it (this is a problem with myself, i dont think there is a way my GF can fix this). Also, i actually like oral more than regular and i think getting more oral will actually make me hornier for normal sex (but i dont know how to say that without sounding like a jerk).
I dont know, i know things arent normal for us. I wish i could make it better so she is happier about herself and us, But its not that simple. Oh, and i dont cheat - that is way too much work to pull-off on the side! Yes, many guys do but as far as i know those guys still want sex with their partners because they just aren't getting enough so they supplement on the side. Also, sorry to say, guys are wired to want to be with many or "other" people. However, if they are not having sex with the gf and are cheating i would say they are done with the relationship and just dont have the balls to end it.
A little lengthy, but I hope this helps.
July 1, 2010 - 7:53amThis Comment
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