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We've been dating for over a yer now but in the last few months our sex has drastically decreased at first started to go down from at least 1-2 times a day for at least 5 months and then it went down to 1-2 times a week and then to 1-2 times a month and now it's been a month and a half since we've had sex. I've read a few articles about this allready, but none seem to fit my problem exactly. I was worried for a while that it might be me that was the problem and but he told me it wasn't and i know he wouldn't lie to me. I've asked him about it but he says theres nothing wrong. I just don't know what to do anymore. He's only a year older than me and he's suppose to be in hes prime. Is there anything I can do? I Haven't pressured him or anything because I dont want him to do it just to shut me up. I want him to want to. and I'm just not satistied anymore and im not asking for everyday, at this point once or twice a week would be nice. A far as I know there's nothing he's stressed about at work or school, could it be a cobination of the 2? or something else going on that I don't know about? and please keep in mind that im am searching for help and advice and I don't want to hear find a new boyfriend. I love him and im not leaving him, even if it means were not going to have sex anymore. But it's frustration for the time being as I find it a tad odd that I want it more than he does. and I don't really want to talk to any of my friends abotu it because I live in a small town and this is personal and I don't need everyone talking about it. and the last thing I want him to feel is embarassed. I havn't told anyone of my friends but I'm in need of some advice. Any Ideas?
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Add a Comment1230 Comments
hi there, funny you should suggest that the girl gets dressed up and meet him at the door.
my BF and i have been together for 3 years, built a house, have a dog, ect and our sex is good- awesome but he likes to be in control. what i mean by that is if i want sex.. he is more inclined to say no cause " im tired" becuase i have instigated it and not him. this is very common in blokes as they feel less of a man if the woman takes charge.
today he sent me some dirty texts on his way home from work, so i decided to be spontaneous, put on my best pants n bra, make myself look hot- (and i felt like shit today too)and wait at the door for him.. he walked in.. laughed and said i got to go back to work-(he comes and gets changed and heads back) and i said it can wait... and he said no. why? quote...." you know i dont like to do it unless i instigate it". i admit i was really hurt and pissed off at this he was being a total ass, but when i think about it, its very true. men are strange when it comes to sex. we had a dry spell becuase i wanted sex and he was sick of me asking.. so i stopped, turned him down for almost 2 months and it was like when we first met. if u dont think about it-- it will happen, and if u have a man like mine- good luck love- he is the nicest man iever met but by crickey- i could shoot him in the balls sometimes..
June 5, 2010 - 11:24pmThis Comment
I wrote the comment on the 25th of May, I spoke to my bf and he said that it had to do with how he felt about himself.. I couldn’t understand it at first, because I think he is hooottt! :P But thinking about it, i guess that could have a effect on our sex life. I have made a huge effort to talk to him about sex and how it makes me feel, so far we have had a lot more sex!! Being empathic and not jumping to conclusions, has really done a lot of help. I’m sure that there are men out there who are cheating and or thinking about it and they aren’t worth caring about!! But talking, and being honest about what was going on for me, helped him to talk about how things were for him..
May 31, 2010 - 11:57pmThis Comment
I also have this problem! Me and my boyfriend are both 20, he actually sleeps with a pillow between us now, we have sex twice a mo th sometimes less! It's really getting to me! He says it's because he has no confidence as his last girlfriend cheated but that can't be true because we used to have sex every night!!!! I wish I knew what the fuck is going on in that arseholes head!? Is he bored of me or something?!?!?!?
May 31, 2010 - 8:39pmThis Comment
some of these comments are ridiculous! When you have been together a while your relationship becomes more than just sex! me and my boyfriend used to have it alot more than we do but it just happens! honey everyone has dry patches and im sure it will sort itself out just sit down and talk to him seriously about it. It does not mean hes cheating on you! Men are not machines and like women they sometimes just dont want sex! Honestly just talk to him because some of these comments are completely untrue xx
May 31, 2010 - 11:03amThis Comment
Im going thrue the same thing HONESTLY me and my boyfriend have not had sex for 3 months and i just dont understand what it is YES he goes to school, and works full time and also hes trying to purshase our home but HELL i need some i mean im 23 and hes 37 i dont know if its the age difference but im well kept good looking nice body and what a hell honestly everytime i dress up and go out with him men stare at me all the time i get compliments i just dont get it i look good and what a hell i have to beg for sex screw that. i really have so many oportunitys to mess around cause i work in a hospital but damn i am fed up . he always says hes tierd and stressed and stupid shit like that even when i get close to him and touch him he gets away i know he aint cheating cuz he dnt have the time but god im beggining to doubt everything
May 25, 2010 - 10:18pmThis Comment
i tink you shoukld just set down an talk to him about how you feel an why he want give you no dick shyt if i was you shyt i would wait until he go to sleep an suprise him you should like spice your sex life up.then maybe he will have sex more.
May 25, 2010 - 7:42amThis Comment
I have found these stories very helpful. My partner and i have been together for about 2 years and have known each other for 8. Our sex life has changed a lot.. It doesnt really get talked about anymore. I found out last year that he was looking at porn and doing the dirty, it really hurt me and it was hard for me to forgive him. I am a 21 year old women, im at uni, i like to think that im a good person and a good looking person. But when we dont have sex, it makes me feel ugly! I have guys look at me and ask me for my number, but im not going to cheat! How can i make him understand how im feeling, without sounding mean or demanding?
May 25, 2010 - 12:13amThis Comment
Its very hard to put a handle on this, but I went through the same thing. Stop asking and nagging him for it.. I know it hurts but this is what you do. Be the same woman you've always been. Start taking notice in the things he likes and start making yourself nice all the time and do sexy little things to catch his attention but be subtle. Act like you could care less even fall asleep some where else...trust me he will come looking for you. It will work it will take a few days but keep it up. Do not mention it, do not touch him in any sexual way, kiss him only on the forehead or cheek and be happy. Pretend like everything is fine. Now when he finally starts to touch you don't go nuts, let him have full control. Afterwards dont talk to him just smile and get up or go to sleep. make sure you concentrate and get yours cause ladies this is definately not for you this is for him in his mind. Do not lose your selfesteem, or think this is your fault this is his problem....just help him without him knowing it. Trust me it worked and now we have sex all the time and when things seem like they are slowing down, i let it and start all over again.
May 22, 2010 - 7:31pmThis Comment
I have got to say...this sounds exhausting to me! I understand that sometimes people in relationships will use different tactics to get what they want...we all do it to some degree. However, it usually does not involve something as intimate as, well, being intimate! I still think the best way to be truly physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually intimate with your partner is to be open, honest and authentic. When we lose our authentic selves to get what we want, to have it work for a time and then must play the game all over again, repeatedly, is time to reevaluate the relationship, do some soul searching, counseling or all the above.
May 23, 2010 - 6:23pmThis Comment
My boyfriend and I have been together almost a year and suddenly are sex life went from being very sexual too not being hardly at all. He hardly touches me and in this last week I tried to come onto him 6 different times I counted and all times he pushed me away. He says he aint always in the mood or does not feel good or is too tired, but what man pushes a girl away from him when she is actually touching and playing with him? I am left feeling worthless, unwanted and just down right awful. He says he loves me, but it has gotten to the point that it feels as though he does not. He is under a lot of stress right now he has been in trouble with the law and has more money going out then coming in and we are trying to find a new place to live ,but still I am left feeling like he does not love me anymore. I do not know what to do anymore. If anyone has any advice it might help. Thanks
May 20, 2010 - 8:42amThis Comment