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We've been dating for over a yer now but in the last few months our sex has drastically decreased at first started to go down from at least 1-2 times a day for at least 5 months and then it went down to 1-2 times a week and then to 1-2 times a month and now it's been a month and a half since we've had sex. I've read a few articles about this allready, but none seem to fit my problem exactly. I was worried for a while that it might be me that was the problem and but he told me it wasn't and i know he wouldn't lie to me. I've asked him about it but he says theres nothing wrong. I just don't know what to do anymore. He's only a year older than me and he's suppose to be in hes prime. Is there anything I can do? I Haven't pressured him or anything because I dont want him to do it just to shut me up. I want him to want to. and I'm just not satistied anymore and im not asking for everyday, at this point once or twice a week would be nice. A far as I know there's nothing he's stressed about at work or school, could it be a cobination of the 2? or something else going on that I don't know about? and please keep in mind that im am searching for help and advice and I don't want to hear find a new boyfriend. I love him and im not leaving him, even if it means were not going to have sex anymore. But it's frustration for the time being as I find it a tad odd that I want it more than he does. and I don't really want to talk to any of my friends abotu it because I live in a small town and this is personal and I don't need everyone talking about it. and the last thing I want him to feel is embarassed. I havn't told anyone of my friends but I'm in need of some advice. Any Ideas?
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my boyfriend is kind of the same,we are both 18 and we have had sex once and we have been going out for a year.He dos'nt want ti do it agen :( he said he's scared so im wondering if i have dont something wrong. or any other oppinions on this. please help!!!
January 17, 2010 - 6:04pmThis Comment
Why would you think you did something wrong?
Have you considered that perhaps your boyfriend really is scared of something? Have you asked him, and really listened, to what he is scared about? It can be legitimate (fear of possible pregnancy, as no birth control is 100% safe, would be my first guess).
Have you talked with him about other ways you two can be physically intimate?
January 17, 2010 - 7:32pmThis Comment
that comment was posted by me i was at my friends how and forgot my password for this thing well anyway thanks alison beaver yes me and my boyfriend have discussed this thousands of time but he says tht he is too scared incase he gets me pregnant but i mean we have comdoms and im on the pill :( but he still says no!! there is nuthing wrong with him and any department. cause wee still do the stuff that we normally do like (wank,blowjob ect) but he says no cause i supposidly forsed him into doing it but it was him that asked me if i wanted to do it so i sayed to him only if your sure :S hows tht makeing someone.
i feel real scared and insacure incase i have put him off.
any more advice would help me alot x
January 18, 2010 - 11:15amThis Comment
thanks alison beaver yes me and my boyfriend have discussed this thousands of time but he says tht he is too scared incase he gets me pregnant but i mean we have comdoms and im on the pill :( but he still says no!! there is nuthing wrong with him and any department. cause wee still do the stuff that we normally do like (wank,blowjob ect) but he says no cause i supposidly forsed him into doing it but it was him that asked me if i wanted to do it so i sayed to him only if your sure :S hows tht makeing someone.
i feel real scared and insacure incase i have put him off.
any more advice would help me alot x
January 18, 2010 - 11:10amThis Comment
I am in the same situation It's about a year for me an my man. We were fine with our sex life until just recently, I know he has a lot going on with him;but as women we always think the worst. For me we have been seeing each other almost a year as of Monday. He is asleep on the couch, anniversary mon, and no sex for the last month. I know for a fact he isn't cheating. What do you think this means, is it me.... maybe I've become unattractive. ADVICE needed. thanks sooooooo soooo much
January 16, 2010 - 11:28pmThis Comment
Have you talked with your partner ("my man"..is that your boyfriend, fiance or other?) about your desires and his? Regardless of what the topic is in the relationship that is troubling (sex, money, how we spend free time, etc.), the most important part of a relationship is the ability to communicate openly and honestly with each other, even when the topic is sensitive or taboo.
We can all guess what it could be...but no one knows except for him and for you...what is going on in the relationship.
The conversation would need to be around a time when you are feeling strong and not as vulnerable, but still able to listen in a caring way. What are his feelings about his sex life with you? Does he like it the way it is? Does he want it to change, ideally? If he would like it to change, what are his preferences for physical intimacy? (frequency, type, etc.). Does he need/want physical intimacy in his relationship with you to feel loved, and to express his love? What, if anything, is holding him back from him obtaining his ideal physical intimate relationship with you?
These are the questions you need answers to, and they may not come all at once...it is a continual conversation, and the answers can change over time, too.
Think about your answers to these questions. This is not about finding fault, or blaming ourselves for not being attractive enough, or for the male partners in our lives to be called [fill in the blank with derogatory work], but rather, it is about us learning how to talk and listen with each other, and meet each others needs and desires to the best of our abilities, while getting our own needs met (they won't all be met, by the way!). What are you prepared to sacrifice and compromise as well? Are you OK with certain types of physical intimacy to show affection, and not others?
Red flags to look out for: he won't talk with you, puts you down, puts your concerns down, says "it's fine" or just shrugs and when you mention that it's not your ideal situation, he doesn't care about your feelings...these are all red flags not just about your "lack of sex", but about the relationship as a whole. Sure...if he does not feel like talking right now, he can at least tell you when a good time would be, and that you would like him to come to you (so you don't feel like you are "nagging") within the next week to discuss. Both partners need to feel that their concerns are being listened to, understood, and addressed in some way, or there may not be much of a future in the relationship.
Just my two cents!
January 17, 2010 - 1:47pmThis Comment
I don't know he may have found someone else..I'm 55 and i have sex 4times a day .
January 16, 2010 - 3:11pmThis Comment
I'm going to answer without reading any other comments...sorry if I'm telling you nothing new:
Its one of the following -
* You've become unattractive to him (i.e. Gained weight, done something to your body that turns him off but he is too much of a jackass to tell you - or something like that)
* He's very stressed out and feeling inadequate (i.e. Lost his job, is getting hammered by his asshole boss, or perhaps you have emasculated him somehow by your words or actions and made him feel like less of a man etc.)
* He is having "guy issues" (i.e. Can't get it up)
* He feels he can't do the things with you that he wants...so he's using porn (or worse - someone else) to find the thrill
* He is cheating on you and is too much of a pussy to tell you
Its one of these, and you'll notice I didn't say that its your fault necessarily. You may have done something UNKNOWINGLY that has turned him away. He should be enough of a human being to come out and tell you though to give you the option to a) fix it or b) tell him to hit the road.
January 12, 2010 - 6:34amThis Comment
Hey, he's cheating on U or simply not intrested in U anymore, i'm an ordinary guy and i can tell you for sure that no problem or stress in the whole universe can get sex off a guy's mind, so if he's not doin it with U, it's one of the two above, or he had an accident and lost his penis :D
January 8, 2010 - 3:44pmThis Comment
I am having the same problems with my boyfriend. That seems to be our only big issue, but I dont know how to bring it up because I dont want to hurt his feelings, and at the same time I feel like its a superficial thing to be upset about. But it really does hurt my feelings, and he has said once before theres nothing wrong with me but its him. I dont know how much I believe him. At the beginning he couldn't keep his hands off of me and now, its the complete opposite. And I dont want to make him feel like hes a bad boyfriend because he isnt. Our relationship is great, and he always is so honest. I'm stuck in a rut, and I dont want to make this out to be a bigger deal than it is. I dont know what to do. I know that we aren't going to break up over something like this, but if there are underlying issues that I need to know then how do I go about asking. We love eachother and we tell eachother countless times a day. So thats why I'm confused. If our emotional relationship has gotten better, shouldn't our sexual relationship get better too?
January 8, 2010 - 1:04pmThis Comment