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We've been dating for over a yer now but in the last few months our sex has drastically decreased at first started to go down from at least 1-2 times a day for at least 5 months and then it went down to 1-2 times a week and then to 1-2 times a month and now it's been a month and a half since we've had sex. I've read a few articles about this allready, but none seem to fit my problem exactly. I was worried for a while that it might be me that was the problem and but he told me it wasn't and i know he wouldn't lie to me. I've asked him about it but he says theres nothing wrong. I just don't know what to do anymore. He's only a year older than me and he's suppose to be in hes prime. Is there anything I can do? I Haven't pressured him or anything because I dont want him to do it just to shut me up. I want him to want to. and I'm just not satistied anymore and im not asking for everyday, at this point once or twice a week would be nice. A far as I know there's nothing he's stressed about at work or school, could it be a cobination of the 2? or something else going on that I don't know about? and please keep in mind that im am searching for help and advice and I don't want to hear find a new boyfriend. I love him and im not leaving him, even if it means were not going to have sex anymore. But it's frustration for the time being as I find it a tad odd that I want it more than he does. and I don't really want to talk to any of my friends abotu it because I live in a small town and this is personal and I don't need everyone talking about it. and the last thing I want him to feel is embarassed. I havn't told anyone of my friends but I'm in need of some advice. Any Ideas?
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Add a Comment1230 Comments
I know how you feel about being insecure..My boyfriend and I wasnt having sex for 2 months, and he was talking to another girl..so it was upsetting me even more..and I am very very insecure..I am a big girl, so being naked and not getting the attention makes you feel like its you and your too ugly for them. Well dont let yourself think that way, think strong. Think like, you can get any guy you want. And show it. Show your not letting it bother you, that you dont want sex either! Start pleasing yourself. I had to for a few weeks to get some relief. You will feel much better, Then start kissing his ass!!! Doing the littlest things, getting stuff for him. Being real nice, massages, holding him at night, dont mention the sex. After a week or so of this, just mention can I give you head or please you...dont mention yourself..it will make him see that your not out to just get sex...I did all this because of a lady with a earlier post. and it helped!! we are now having sex 3 times a week atleast!! Best of luck to you!! if you ever need any help, let me know I am in here daily checking the site!!
Kayla
January 6, 2010 - 9:10amThis Comment
im feeling the same way..my boyfriend and me have sex way less and i try really hard..excessively hard to look good and it doesnt seem to work...i get really insecure about being naked around him because i have small boobs but i even tried sleeping naked and he just slept and he tells me its not me but it makes me feel so sad..its pathetic but i cry over it becuase im passionate and insecure and it makes me feel ugly. and normally im insecure about my looks but it feels worse :(
January 6, 2010 - 3:44amThis Comment
i am a gay guy, i am 22 and my partner is 39, he is physically fit, but we have not had sex for 2 months, i have cried, we have argued, he just says, give me two weeks, i waited and waited, and nothing...... i cant deal with this anymore, we are getting married this year, but im not sure its what i want , because a relationship has to be physical as well, he just says hes tired, and i cant do anything to help, he wont let me, i have tried going to bed first, i have waited, till 6 in the morning for him, iv tried wearing kinky clothes, underwear, massages, but nothing, please help.
January 5, 2010 - 9:39pmThis Comment
Anon,
This is a tough situation. You love him and want to be intimate, and you are planning to be married, and yet there is a big problem between the two of you that really needs to be solved before you should be taking on a lifetime commitment.
First of all, how long have you been together, and how long has it been since you decided to get married? And has this just happened in the last two months? Everything was fine before that time?
Has anything else changed in the last two months in terms of your relationship, or his job, the finances, etc?
The first thing he needs to rule out is whether something is physically wrong. Even at 39 and being fit, he could be having some erectile dysfunction and might benefit from seeing a doctor and being checked out. If that's not the case, would he consider counseling with you? (It could be regular pre-marital counseling, even, by focusing on things that are important to both of you for a lifetime: sex, yes, but also religion, children, financial goals, and so on.) Would that be a possibility here?
If he has no interest in sex OR in seeing a doctor OR in going to counseling, Anon, I would have to side with you when you say you're not sure it's what you want anymore. To start into a marriage with such a big issue is inviting trouble. Does your partner know you feel strongly enough about this that you are considering not getting married at all?
January 11, 2010 - 10:01amThis Comment
I'm having the same problem where my boyfriend and I are not even having sex anymore. We're going on more than 2 years now and we used to have sex regularly. When I ask him about it, he tells me that I'm the one who's ALWAYS tired towards the end of the night- when yes that may be true most times but not all. I feel like I'm not attractive to him anymore and yes it hurts. No I lied, it kills me.
January 4, 2010 - 9:57pmThis Comment
Anon,
How long have you been together? And did anything change about two years ago? Did the two of you have a child, or did the job situation or financial situation change? Can you tell us how old the two of you are?
Could there be anything that is causing enough stress to make your husband not want sex? Are there any other behaviors that cause you to think -- has anything else changed? Does he still talk to you as much? Do the two of you still spend as much time together as you used to?
January 11, 2010 - 9:53amThis Comment
I followed somebodys answer on here, and stopped asking for sex..and started to try and do anything and everything he wanted to please my boyfriend...we havent had sex in 2 months...and we have had sex 2 times already this week!!! So just keep your heads up!!! it will all work out in the end...i just have to work on the trust issue we have and the me being controlling issue..i just have trouble trusting the other girls...cause i feel like they lie to me..but..i have to trust him!! and i am going to trust him!!
December 31, 2009 - 1:18pmThis Comment
so what did you actually do, or say, i am having this problem at the moment, its killing me, please help me, i just have needs
January 5, 2010 - 9:41pmThis Comment
Ive been with my boyfriend for about nine years now. Over the last year his sex drive has gone from 3 to 5 times per week, till well maybe once a month. I'm really questioning his sexuality at this point. Last time we got in to a fight he put up a picture of Two gay men on the screen saver of our computer.Under neath the photo it said When your being watched in jungle, stand in a room full of people.....Let everyone see the real you! Now when you sit and think about the picture which was two gay men sitting in the middle of a fancy restaurant, in a crowd full of people lighting each other cigarettes. Think about the words to me it means that he can come out of the closet at any time. It really makes me wounder if I am just a cover up... How selfish of him right?! I mean nine years! Its starting to all make since though, hes very metro, loves to dance, and I still catch him master baiting every morning in the shower. How do I let go of him after all these years?? We moved out to California in 2006 together... To build our lives we have watched everyone we know get married and start their families. While we have gone know where, All I want is the truth I deserve the truth! HELP
December 31, 2009 - 8:38amThis Comment
Anon,
Does your boyfriend know that you are wondering about his sexuality, or is it possible that he just put up that picture because you were having a fight and he knew it would bug you?
Let's say for a moment that you're right, and your boyfriend has learned that he is gay. He may not have actually known it for all the time you have been together. You say that you had sex 3-5 times a week just a year ago; perhaps before that, he had inklings but really hadn't faced the possibility.
And if that's the case, he was then faced with this choice: tell this woman he has been with for years that he is gay, or wait a while and do it later. I doubt that even if he is gay, the last years have all been a coverup. I would be more likely to believe that he's very torn between leaving the safety of your relationship -- or becoming what he thinks may be his true self.
Can you just have a serious conversation about what the picture on the computer means, and whether he's using it to try to tell you something?
What are the other kinds of things that you think it all makes sense now? Being metrosexual, loving to dance or masturbating doesn't make someone gay. Have the two of you put off marriage at his request? Have you had problems in the bedroom that seemed to have no explanation?
I think the only thing for you to do is sit down and talk, seriously. To tell him that his behavior is now giving you thoughts and suspicions that you need to ask him about. And that you want him to take your seriously when you ask. And then just ask it? Are you gay?
At that point, depending on his answer, you'll have to decide what to do for yourself. If he says yes, then you have to deal with that. And you will, by putting one foot in front of the other, depending on friends and family, and slowly moving forward. If he says no, you will have to decide if you believe him.
Do you feel that you can have that conversation?
December 31, 2009 - 9:34amThis Comment