This is a tough situation. You love him and want to be intimate, and you are planning to be married, and yet there is a big problem between the two of you that really needs to be solved before you should be taking on a lifetime commitment.
First of all, how long have you been together, and how long has it been since you decided to get married? And has this just happened in the last two months? Everything was fine before that time?
Has anything else changed in the last two months in terms of your relationship, or his job, the finances, etc?
The first thing he needs to rule out is whether something is physically wrong. Even at 39 and being fit, he could be having some erectile dysfunction and might benefit from seeing a doctor and being checked out. If that's not the case, would he consider counseling with you? (It could be regular pre-marital counseling, even, by focusing on things that are important to both of you for a lifetime: sex, yes, but also religion, children, financial goals, and so on.) Would that be a possibility here?
If he has no interest in sex OR in seeing a doctor OR in going to counseling, Anon, I would have to side with you when you say you're not sure it's what you want anymore. To start into a marriage with such a big issue is inviting trouble. Does your partner know you feel strongly enough about this that you are considering not getting married at all?
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Anon,
This is a tough situation. You love him and want to be intimate, and you are planning to be married, and yet there is a big problem between the two of you that really needs to be solved before you should be taking on a lifetime commitment.
First of all, how long have you been together, and how long has it been since you decided to get married? And has this just happened in the last two months? Everything was fine before that time?
Has anything else changed in the last two months in terms of your relationship, or his job, the finances, etc?
The first thing he needs to rule out is whether something is physically wrong. Even at 39 and being fit, he could be having some erectile dysfunction and might benefit from seeing a doctor and being checked out. If that's not the case, would he consider counseling with you? (It could be regular pre-marital counseling, even, by focusing on things that are important to both of you for a lifetime: sex, yes, but also religion, children, financial goals, and so on.) Would that be a possibility here?
If he has no interest in sex OR in seeing a doctor OR in going to counseling, Anon, I would have to side with you when you say you're not sure it's what you want anymore. To start into a marriage with such a big issue is inviting trouble. Does your partner know you feel strongly enough about this that you are considering not getting married at all?
January 11, 2010 - 10:01amThis Comment
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