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Why There's No Such Thing as Sexual Addiction -- And Why It Really Matters: Part 2

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PROFESSIONAL IMPLICATIONS OF THE CONCEPT

It reduces the credibility of sexologists.

Prospective patients are now asking therapists a new set of questions: "Are you in recovery yourself?" "Have you treated sex addicts before?" What if a therapist is emotionally/sexually healthy and therefore not "in recovery?" Is s/he then disqualified as a professional?

The public, I'm afraid, is now getting a picture of us as being ivory tower types out of touch with the real -- i.e., destructive -- sexuality out on the street. They're feeling, "You want to waste time discussing systems, regression, defenses, and meanwhile there are kids buying Playboy out there!"

It replaces professional sexologists as relevant sex experts.

There are two groups of people behind this:

a) Addictionologists, often in recovery themselves (i.e., they have unresolved sexual and impulse control issues). They typically have little or not training in sexuality; and

b) 12-steppers themselves, lay people who love being in recovery. Their missionary zeal has nothing to do with science or clinical expertise. They freely generalize their own experience with sexual problems and "recovery" to all people and to human sexuality.

Both groups of people are now being quoted -- and are actively portraying themselves -- as sex experts.

By offering training from people with little or no sexological background, the concept suggests that all sex therapists offer is just another "theory" about sexual functioning. Just as creationists now want (and frequently get) "equal time" when scientists teach or discuss evolution, addictionologists now want -- and are beginning to get -- "equal time" regarding sexual functioning.

Graduates of such training programs believe that they have learned something about sexuality, when they haven't. They have learned something about addiction. And they are taught that they are competent to treat addiction in any form, whether its vehicle is alcohol, food, gambling, love or sex.

Most addictionologists admit they lack skills in differential diagnosis. They and their 12-step programs let anyone define him/herself as a "sex addict." How many personality disorders, how much depression, how many adjustment reactions are being treated as "sex addiction?"

POLITICAL IMPLICATIONS OF THE CONCEPT

It strengthens society's anti-sex forces.

"Sexual addiction" is the Right's newest justification for eliminating sex education, adult bookstores and birth control clinics. They are using the same arguments to eliminate books like The Color Purple from school libraries, even in supposedly liberal California. Businessman Richard Enrico, whose group Citizens Against Pornography takes credit for eliminating the sale of Playboy magazine from all 1,800 7-11 stores, did so, he says, "because smut causes sex addiction." And he was able to convince one of America's largest corporations of this complete fiction. We should not be colluding with this destructive force.

It emphasizes negative aspects of sex.

Sex addiction treatment is essentially creating a special interest group of people who feel victimized by their own sexuality. Not others' sexuality, like rape victims -- their own sexuality. This lobby/interest group is growing as increasing numbers of people are recruited into identifying themselves as sex addicts. With the agenda of protecting people from their own sexuality, they are a dangerous group, easily exploited by the Right and other sex-negative points of view.

It frightens people about the role of sexuality in social problems.

Increasingly, "sex addicts" and trainers are talking in public about how sexual impulses took over their lives and made them do things like steal money, take drugs and see prostitutes. This frightens people about their ability to control their own sexuality -- as if they're vulnerable to being taken over. It supports public ignorance about sexuality.

"Sex addicts" and trainers spread stories about how childhood masturbating to Playboy leads to porn addiction, and about how prostitutes become so alluring that people destroy their marriages. The public, of course, takes the additional step that this could happen to anyone -- even though there is no data to support this idea.

The movement continues to spread dangerous lies about sex, even though, for example, the ultraconservative Meese Commission was unable to find any evidence that pornography leads to child molestation, and even though no medical society in the world has ever proven that masturbation of any kind is harmful.

It focuses on the "dignified purpose" of sex.

These words always seem to mean a rigid sex role system, with sex needing love to give it meaning. Sweating and moaning never seem dignified to people concerned with the dignity of sex. Ultimately, the "purpose of sex" can only be a political, rather than a scientific, concept.

It obscures the role of society in distorting our sexuality.

Sexologists understand that our moralistic American society constricts healthy sexual expression. We all know the sexual and intimacy problems this creates; in fact, we are now beginning to understand how such distortion even helps create sex offenders. But the sexual addiction movement only sees society as encouraging "promiscuity," instead of discouraging pleasure and healthy sexuality. This simplistic analysis cannot see how the media and other institutions make guilt-free sex almost impossible.

The sexual addiction concept attempts to heal society's sexual pain while keeping its economic, political and social foundations intact. This is not only naive and ineffective, it is dangerous.

WHY IS THE SEXUAL ADDICTION CONCEPT SO POPULAR?

It distances personal responsibility for sexual choices.

As Loyola University's Dr. Domeena Renshaw says, "my illness makes me have affairs" is a very popular concept. The concept seems to allow sexual expression without the punishment our infantile side fears. This is a great childhood fantasy. But the price is too high.

It provides fellowship.

SA-type meetings provide structure and relaxed human contact for people who have trouble finding these in other ways. The program also allows alcoholics in AA to work the steps again. This is one of the single biggest sources of self-described "sex addicts." In fact, Patrick Carnes claims that 83 percent of all sex addicts have some other kind of addiction.

It provides pseudoscientific support for the intuitive belief that sex is dangerous.

In doing so, it legitimizes sex-negative attitudes and supports sexual guilt.

It lets people self-diagnose.

This is very American, very democratic. People like to feel they are taking charge of their lives, and self-diagnosing gives them the illusion that they are.

It encourage people to split.

When people are troubled by their sexuality, it is comforting to imagine the problem "out there" rather than "in here." A striking example is Jimmy Swaggart, who railed against immorality out in the world, while behaving in the very ways he was condemning.

It also encourages a kind of splitting among non-"sex addicts." In answering the defensive question "how can people be sexual like that?" It makes people who behave in certain ways essentially different from us "normal" folk. Basically, people use the concept of sexual addiction as a projection of their fear about their own sexuality. Its very existence is sort of an exorcism of sexuality on a societal level.

It helps people get distance from their sexual shame.

Most of us have deep shame about our sexuality -- either our overt behavior, or the more primitive urges and images left over from childhood that we've never accepted. This profound sense of shame is what people would really like to get rid of; the behavioral symptoms they're supposedly addicted to are just a symbol of that shame.

SA-type groups reframe this same into a positive thing. It is a badge for membership; it lets "addicts" know they're heading toward a solution; it affirms that a sex-crazed society is victimizing them; and it suggests they're being too hard on themselves. Good therapy does the opposite: it helps people feel their shame, relate it to an even deeper pain, and temporarily feel worse -- before helping them resolve it.

WHY DO SO MANY PEOPLE CLAIM TO GET RELIEF FROM SEXUAL ADDICTION PROGRAMS?

First, we should keep in mind that simply because people claim that something gives them emotional relief doesn't mean it works in the way they claim. Astrology apparently helped reduce Nancy Reagan's anxiety about husband Ron's career, but that doesn't mean it actually helped either of them make better decisions.

The recovery process can be emotionally reassuring for many people.

It offers structure, goals, fellowship and an accepting social environment. In fact, since most of the talk at SA-type groups is about sex and relationships, it's a relatively easy place to meet people for dating. And that does go on.

Conversation at SA-type meetings is exclusively about material that each individual is already focussing on. Thus, all conversation feels like it's about the individual "addict," and so participants can feel connected with others without having to abandon their own narcissistic focus. This feels intimate, and gives the illusion that an individual is making progress. And, of course, virtually everyone gets to hear stories of people who are worse off than they are, and so they feel better.

People enjoy feeling like they're heading somewhere.

While "addicts" learn to enjoy the process of recovery, they also learn they're never going to fully get there. So they set their sights lower -- and do accomplish never being cured.

Because the sexual addiction movement is not interested in personality change, it can offer symptom relief without any ethical conflicts. In many cases people do get that relief -- although it's at the expense of the rest of their character structure. Finally, as "addicts" continue learning how to distance themselves from their "bad" sexuality, they feel an increasing sense of direction and relief.

Addicts transfer some of their compulsivity to the SA-type group meeting itself.

For many "sex addicts," meetings (sometimes many times per week) are the most important part of the week. In a predictable setting and way, with comforting regularity, they get to listen to and talk about sexual feelings and behavior they dislike.

This feeling is perfectly conveyed by a "sex addict" quoted in a recent Contemporary Sexuality. He notes that, "Every Thursday night for the past year and a half I have repeated that statement [about his so-called addiction] to my 12-step support group." By itself this is a trivial point; in the context of a program supposed to heal compulsive behavior, it is troubling.

WHAT ABOUT SEXUAL COMPULSIVITY?

Most self-described sex addicts aren't out of control; they are relatively "normal" neurotics for whom being in control is painful. In fact, as the National Association of Sexual Addiction Problems says, "most addicts do not break the law, nor do they satisfy their need by forcing themselves upon others."

Those who are really sexually compulsive are typically psychotic, sociopathic, character-disordered, etc. Some of these people have impaired reality testing. Others have absolutely no concern about the consequences of their behavior. Dr. Renshaw states that "undifferentiated sexual urgency is a symptom of manic-depression." These people don't need help laying off one day at a time. They need deep therapy, medication, structured behavioral interventions or other intensive modalities. The University of Minnesota's Dr. Eli Coleman, for example, reports treatment success with lithium, comparable to the clinical results lithium produces with other compulsives.

It is absolutely indefensible to suggest that the same mechanism is operating in the rapist and in the guy who masturbates "too often." The concept of sexual addiction does nothing to diagnose serious problems, assess danger, discuss beliefs about sex, take a history or change personality.

There are no treatment statistics on true obsessive-compulsives using the sexual addiction model. We must also, and this is much harder, continue to resist and interpret society's demand for simple answers and easy solutions about true sex offenders.

Sexual energy scares people; distorted expressions of that energy terrify people. We need to continually educate policy-makers and the public as to why the treatment of sex offenders is so complex and difficult, and why quick-fix solutions are worse than partial solutions. We must find a way to say "I don't know" or "We're still working on it" without apologizing. Cancer researchers, for example, have done a good job of making partial answers -- like early detection and quitting smoking -- acceptable.

SUMMARY

The concept of "sex addiction" really rests on the assumption that sex is dangerous. There's the sense that we frail humans are vulnerable to the Devil's temptations of pornography, masturbation and extramarital affairs, and that if we yield, we become "addicted." Without question, being a sexual person is complex, and we are vulnerable -- to our sex-negative heritage, shame about our bodies and conflict about the exciting sexual feelings we can't express without risking rejection. Sexuality per se, however, is not dangerous -- no matter how angry or frightened people are.

Professional sexologists should reject any model suggesting that people must spend their lives 1) in fear of sexuality's destructive power; 2) being powerless about sexuality; 3) lacking the tools to relax and let sex take over when it's appropriate.

Addictionologists have cynically misled the public into thinking that "sexual addiction" is a concept respected and used by sex therapists and educators. Even a brief look at our literature, conferences and popular writing shows how rarely this is true. But addictionologists don't care about sexual truth or expertise -- only about addiction. The sexual addiction movement is not harmless. These people are missionaries who want to put everyone in the missionary position.

In these terrible anti-sex times, one of our most important jobs is to reaffirm that sexuality -- though complicated -- is precious, not dangerous. Now more than ever, our job is to help people just say yes.

Link to blog: http://www.sexed.org/archive/article08.html

Add a Comment10 Comments

EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Sexual addiction is nothing like alcohol or heroin addiction. These are somatoform addictions/disorders that are based on a PHYSICAL addiction. Sexaholics do not need to be in a 12 step program...AT ALL..they need spiritual direction and counseling as well as clinical psycho-social intervention. Most 12 step groups are not even remotely helpful for sexaholics.....because the direction is aimless and has no spiritual or clinical intervention! This is a disease of the soul..not the body and needs to be addressed in a different way than alcoholism and drug addiction....sexual addiction is SIN...a moral disease process, rooted in original sin!

June 29, 2012 - 1:22pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Marty Klein has alot of opinions about alot of things....not much research to back him up. He sounds more like the fundamentalists he hates so much. I would suggest moving to more scientic venues. Lots of hot air.

June 17, 2010 - 8:40pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I see your point, but when I was active in my "addiction" or whatever you want to call it, I tried to get help from a "professional" and was told that there was nothing wrong in my behavior.

I was spending close to 40 hours a week watching porn, I would skip school, work, time with family, and sleep to watch porn. I didn't want to watch porn, but couldn't stop.

Now I stopped and my life is so much better. And I am so glad that I didn't listen to that professional, and found real help.

May 24, 2010 - 4:42pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

While I think that this article raises some very interesting thoughts, I think it suggests throwing out the baby with the bath water.
Yes, it is likely that those with sexual compulsiveity may have something else driving these issues. Maybe, they have a sociopathic personanility, bipoar or other behavioral health disorder. Perhaps they have unresolved issues from their childhood in relationships with their parents or were abused or in abusive relationships that they have not resolved. It is also possible that they are addicts either primarily addicted to compulsive sexual behavior or that is a co-occuring addiction with another or substitute for another addiction from which the person is recovering.
There may be many reasons that a person engages in complusive sexual behavior. That does not negate the negative consequences that this behavior can have on them, their family and their work. I don't believe anyone who classifies behavior as sexual addiction or compulsive sexual behavior is referring to adventurous or enthusiastic sexual behavior that people engage in. It that behavior that falls into the category where it consumes the persons thoughts, disrupts their lives and causing problems where it begins to cross the line.

February 1, 2010 - 9:54am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I agree with Anonymous, who posted July 10. You can preach about this all you want, but as an addict in recovery, I can assure you that this is a very real, incredibly hurtful and destructive disease. I have absolutely no control over my sexual behavior. I browse personals sites, in particular Craigslist, compulsively, all day, for hours and hours at a time, every day. I respond to hundreds of ads, some of which lead to anonymous encounters. When I'm finished, I feel remorseful, swear I'll never do it again, until the next day, or week, in which the cycle repeats itself. It has destroyed two relationships in my life and, if I can't recover, will continue to destroy my life.

I'm trying as hard as I possibly can to stop. I attend two meetings a week. I have a daily check in partner. I use the serenity prayer and other tools of the SAA fellowship to regain sanity. I pray, I journal, I work on the 12 steps. I've seen some progress, but it's slow and painful.

Sorry, Dr. Klein, but you're wrong.

July 22, 2009 - 7:36am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Wow. I don't think I've ever read anything more ignorant on this subject.

It wasn't very long ago that alcoholism was considered merely a moral failing, and not an addiction. I guess Bill W. and Dr. Bob were just tools of "the Right," trying to eliminate the fun in everyone's lives?

I am a sex addict in recovery, and I think Dr. Marty Klein has got this 100% WRONG.

July 10, 2009 - 10:24am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

What about self made porn? Pornographic materials people produce themselves with them selves and then share with others? How is that exploitive? Why are we as a society so dependant on the sex + love duality? I mean we accept that love without sex is possible and even desirable, so why do we denegrate sex without love? And why do we equat masturbation with "self love"? Our whole society is full of negative affirmations re pleasure and enjoyment. Sex addiction is a myth, and needs to be discredited.

June 28, 2009 - 12:45pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I can tell you that sex addiction is real and is the reason for the death of my marriage. My ex-husband prefers pornography and masturbation to sex with a real person. Therefore, he "spent" all of his intimacy on himself throughout our marriage. He repeated the cycle one too many times: confrontation, confession, change-promises, porn-discovery, confrontation, etc., and I left him. Just think what a wonderful sexual relationship we could have had together if he had invested some of that energy with me.

I don't think the masturbation itself is wrong; I do believe pornography is another way women are exploited and oppressed. The problem I have with his addiction is that it consumed his life. There was no desire for intimacy with me, his wife; no concern that his lies and his lack of investment in his children will forever impact them.

I am on my way to being a strong and independent woman who is able to appreciate her own sexuality in spite of the addict I was married to for far too long.

June 21, 2009 - 12:10pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Dr. Klein,
Thank you for this article. I have had the opportunity to work with Dr. Patrick Carnes on a professional level. Although he truly believes his theories (as do many of his followers), I believe strongly that his theories are more of a justification for his own past behaviors. He is also a "sex addict" and has a very sordid history. He continues to struggle with compulsivity issues in other areas, and the business of training sex addiction therapists that he has created only goes to feed his own impulses.
Many of the therapists trained by Dr. Carnes have similar issues, although some do not. I only hope that they wake up and see that they are being led by the blind.

June 16, 2009 - 4:00pm

Dr. Klien,
Really fascinating article. My favorite line is at the end, actually, when you write:' In these terrible anti-sex times, one of our most important jobs is to reaffirm that sexuality -- though complicated -- is precious, not dangerous.'
The profound truth and irony of this is that we seem to be more sexualized as a society than every before; teen pregnancy is at an all time high and sexting, web cams and over exposure in every form are becoming less and less taboo, more "normalized." However, even with all of that going on, it IS and anti-sex culture in so many ways - it's almost as if the prurient, puritanical, cut off aspects of our repression give rise to this strutting about and making a sort of clownish mockery of true, deep, connected sexuality.

Wonderful and thought provoking, thank you so much.
Aimee

June 16, 2009 - 12:54pm
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