It was not like they all said. Mine has been a journey of self-discovery both physically and emotionally.
Just 5 years ago,I weighed about 506 lbs. I was in an awful place both physically and emotionally. Treated as though I didn't exist or as though I wasn't a human being. I only got two looks from most people; one of pity or disgust. It was always in the eyes. I had been overweight since the age of 7. I was placed on my first diet when I was 8 years old. Gaining and losing weight throughout the next 38 years.
In January 2002, I was reading a book on gastric bypass surgery and the dangers of it.I knew that if I was going on yet another "diet" this would be without surgery, without pills, without following standard diets, without a doctor’s care or a nutritionist(which was stupid and dangerous, but I didn't care at that time). I was going at this alone and never told my family or friends. I didn't know if this weight loss would work or not, but I did not let anyone know. I was going to use my intellect and education in the best way I knew how, through research. I was on my own, isolated, lonely, but I was determined.
I then began reading and doing extensive research by going on-line, visited libraries, contacted various organizations around the country, read and purchased numerous health and diet books and magazines. I had people send me information on any weight loss programs they had. I researched various forms of exercise, physiology and psychology as well. I researched for 7 months and then spent the next 5 months reviewing all the information. I did not diet or exercise during that first year when I did all the research.In my mind, I was preparing myself for what I was about to do.
I would not begin on January 1st or a Monday. I chose a day 02/01/03. Once I had it in my head that this was a lifelong commitment to myself and it was something I would have to deal with the rest of my life and would never go away, I was able to stay direct and focused. I knew I would have to spend a good portion of my life alone so I'd better deal with it once and for all. I gave myself a 5 year plan. I realized no one was going to rescue me from myself. I did not set any goals fearing I would not be able to keep them.Each week I slowly weaned myself from one thing (junk food) that I could live without. I did not go full blast into dieting. I took my time and continued to do research to help me with my weight loss.
The first year, I lost 90 lbs. and no one noticed, but I didn’t care. I began walking about 15 months into it. I felt fairly well enough to do it; however, a few weeks into it, some boys threw a glass bottle at me from a car and it just missed my head. It shattered on the sidewalk in front of me. I was terrified and stopped walking for a few days. When I did the flowers at my grandfather’s grave a few days later, I stood up and realized that the cemetery was quiet and calm. No traffic. No intruders. No one to hate me or call me names. I didn’t have to be scared there. I had been scared into walking in a cemetery. How strange was that?
I began walking there every day for 7 months, rain or shine. As the fall began, I realized that I could not continue to walk in the cemetery during the winter months and my sister in law, Jane, talked me into going to the gym. I thought she was nuts! I couldn’t see myself at a gym. I felt so intimidated by the gym and the people there. They would make fun of me or so I thought at the time.
Well, I began going to the gym in early October 2004 and did so at
4:30 AM to 7:30 AM. I worked out this early to avoid as many people as possible. I did the 2 ½ to 3 hour daily workouts as all my research told me I needed to do so to stay ahead of the “sag” at my age. I think working out in the early morning, I was actually hiding still, trying to feel safe. I didn’t speak to anyone at the gym and kept to myself. I always had difficulty opening up to people and stayed guarded so I wouldn’t be hurt by people. I did not trust anyone at that time. When I joined the gym, I was still over 300 lbs. Well, as time went on, I began to see the results of the gym workouts, especially lifting weights, and the weight continued to come off.
I was able to reach a weight of around 164 lbs. A weight loss of 340 lbs. For the first time, I was able to look at myself in a full length mirror or a store window and not cry.
It was a struggle for me in the beginning, but I kept it in my head to keep going and I never looked back. No one is going to do you any favors here, this is one you are in alone and for the long haul. I will have to work at this for the rest of my life. Nothing in my life now is the same as it was five years ago. I still consider myself a work in progress..my story does not end here as my journey went off in another direction that I did not think it would, both physically and emotionally. I cannot believe the things I have learned about myself and the world around me...
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Add a Comment5 Comments
Cathi, You've always been beautiful now you have the confidence to believe it yourself.Good work girlfriend..Now go sit on the porch!!!! love Tia
May 9, 2008 - 2:10pmThis Comment
The Biggest Loser folks should know about you! Did you get help from someone at that gym? If so, that person should be lauded, as well, for giving you the attention and guidance you deserved. You are truly amazing. Thank for sharing your wonderful story.
May 8, 2008 - 5:06pmThis Comment
Thank you for the compliments. No one helped me initially at the gym. When I started working out there, it was at 4:30 AM so I wouldn't see too many people who might make fun of my size. I was very scared when I started and didn't think I'd last. I was shy and kept to myself for the first six months. I rarely spoke to anyone. I did my own research on weight training and exercise and created my own routines. Now people train in with me!
I'll be blogging once a week on a variety of subjects on my weight loss journey. Thanks for writing.
Cat
May 9, 2008 - 8:13amThis Comment
Cathi, I was absolutely riveted while reading your story. Congratulations on your weight loss and it must be amazing to feel and see the results of all of your hard work.
What was the impetus for your weight loss? How have you been able to keep from falling into past behaviors? What advice would you give to women looking to gain control of their eating habits, weight and health?
Thank you for sharing your story Cathi. I know we have much to learn from you.
May 8, 2008 - 2:53pmThis Comment
I am re-reading your story as I type this...did you say you lost 340 pounds?!! Without surgery or assistance from a doctor? That is truly amazing! I can not even imagine how hard you must have worked to change your lifestyle with your eating and exercise.
Do you have any tips on how you stayed so motivated? I understand why you started, how determined you sounded, but how did you stay that way for 5+ years? Was the key to have a friend go with you to the gym? How have you changed your eating, because for so many of us, our eating issues are related to "emotional eating".
Wow! Congrats again on losing 340 lbs...that is truly incredible, and I hope to read more about your journey. (You gave us a "teaser" of your journey going a different direction than you thought it would, both physically and emotionally...are you going to write about that next?)
May 8, 2008 - 2:47pmThis Comment