Nope - no man-bashing here!
A new study from the University of Michigan found that the average woman with 3 or more children (um, yeah, that would be me) does an average of 28 hours of housework a week (again, that would be me) that does not include regular childcare.
And having a husband causes an additional 7 hours of weekly housework for women. See? You boys are a lot of work!
And men (don't worry Todd, you guys are getting much better!) do an average of 10 hours per week. At the risk of my husband reading this - in no way, shape or form does he clock in 10 hours per week of housework. 10 hours per month is more correct.
To give my husband his due, he works 60 hours per week, Monday- Friday. That's a lot for anyone. To give me my due, I care for our children 60 hours a week Monday-Friday and also work from home about 25 hours a week. My husband is wonderful with the kids on weekends. So am I but the housework is pretty much my domain. Why? I'm not sure. He hates to do it and is not fussy. I am a minimalistic clean-freak who wants her home spotless. I think a tornado would have to blow through our home for my husband to think "hmmm, might need to do a little cleaning here...". It bothers me that a mess doesn't bother him. And it bothers him that a mess bothers me way more than what may be considered normal!
Yet we manage to be happy. Some things are just not worth a constant fight.
But men are chipping in more. And where they are really coming through is childcare. Men are much better than even 20 years ago at bathing, diapering, playing, helping with homework and generally being pretty darn good all-round Dads. The days of Dad coming home and giving a cursory greeting to the kids before they go to bed are over. And not before time!
Now if only they'd throw the diaper away after changing it instead of leaving it open, in all it's rotten glory, marinating on the floor like some untouchable experiment...
Interestingly, boyfriends do more housework than husbands. Pity we can't have both boyfriend AND husband but I think that rather complicates a marriage, no?
Tell us your story-
Who does more around the house? You or your partner? Do you resent doing more? Is it fair? Maybe HE does more! How can we go about evening out the playing field?
For more on the study, click here
http://news.yahoo.com/s/livescience/20080404/sc_livescience/mencreatemorehouseworkforwomen
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Well...unfortunately, I'm one of the stats, and I think my hubby creates 7X the load on a daily basis. Considering he only home on weekends, that's my entire weekend, LOL!
I know that he's trying to feel at home, get his laundry done, do the "honey-do's" that keep multiplying. But, he doesn't realize how much extra work he does create for me, as I'm spending my weekend picking up after him.
Oh, well. We've muddled through our polar differences for 30 years.
April 15, 2008 - 4:52pmThis Comment
I am one of those "other" women....whose husband does the cleaning! woohoo! :-)
Actually, it's becoming more equal, now that I'm a SAHM (stay-at-home-mom) and work part time.
When my husband, and I were first living together, HE did all the cleaning! We both worked 40-50 hours/week (no kids). You see, one of his first jobs, many, many years ago, was as a janitor at a large corporation. He eventually worked his way up the ladder, but he learned so much from his janitorial experience that I allowed him to "express his cleaning self" around our house every week. (ha ha). Unfortunately, I was the one who acted like the stereotypical male/husband and didn't do much cleaning.
I read an interesting article that discussed a different type of "housework" that is not largely discussed, but is very time consuming. Even though the cleaning-type of housework is becoming more equally shared, this other type of "housework" is still largely the woman's domain, and includes: organizing the home, arranging social engagements, shopping for birthday gifts, calling about utilities and repairs, etc. A University of Michigan sociologist (Pamela Smock quoted in online newspaper) said that "a persistent gender gap remains for what is called the 'invisible' household work: scheduling children's medical appointments, buying gifts, arranging holiday gatherings, for example."
So, while my husband cleans more toilets than I do (or, rather USED to), I DEFINITELY do close to 99% of the "invisible housework" in my home, plus the cooking (which my husband still doesn't seem to understand that not only is that an hour every-single night, it's also planning a menu, writing grocery list, grocery shopping, putting away groceries, etc....all for this ONE task!)
Oh---and now that I'm a SAHM and don't work 40+ hours "outside the home for pay" any longer...I do 99% of the "cleaning/housework" plus most of the childrearing. However, this system works in our house: we both agree that we have full-time, 8am-5pm jobs (his is paid; mine is not). Whatever needs to be done before 8am and after 5pm, and on the weekends, is ours to share! It's great! :-)
I'm curious: who does the most "invisible" housework in your home? This was one area where I had the most trouble trying to find my work-life balance and raise a baby. I could clean a tub or make a bed, but the endless invisible housework was too much for me to handle with everything else. Calling Realtors, or repairmen. Being the "social director" of the household. Taking cat to vet. All of these fell onto me, and was more difficult than what we traditionally think of as housework. How about for you?
April 15, 2008 - 2:19pmThis Comment
Don't worry that children never listen to you;
worry that they are always watching you.
Robert Fulghum
Hello Ladies,
Just yesterday I overheard a teenage boy with all his gothic friends telling how his mom had said they were going to spend the whole day together. But she changed her mind in favor of "the guy" so there he was hanging out with them instead. He just kept repeating it over and over, trying to make since of the lie his mother told him.
I find it to be a rare occasion when I can share the warmth that fills my body whenever I think about my best friend. The main comment female visitors made after our youngest was born was about why I hadn't taught that man how to put on a diaper properly. I started noticing how much it concerned women after hearing it from every first time guest. When I figured out what was bugging them, I realized that we were watching different sides of an elephant. They were seeing what looked like unbearable male incompetence, while I was watching the miraculous transformation of a daddy finding his way with his a daughther, who was loving every minutes of it. He spent nearly 2 months without working to bond with his new family but no one asked about that. In one of the first curriculum lessons he exposed her to, he would smash her newborn nose into these intoxicating rose bushes outside our window. It never would have even crossed my mind. He learned to sooth her with the goofiest song about "Barnicle Bill the Sailor" and I watched in awe as she fell sound asleep to his raspy, crackling voice. Hardly a lullabie beleive me.
When 911 took place a majority of us suddenly got our heads on straight cause the divorce rate plummeted to an all time low (at least for a few weeks). With that unprecedented threat from the outside passed, it seems like the conversation has shifted to which network can be supported that demeans the family (especially wives and husbands) the most. And I don't even own a television. But I do watch the family channel regularly. I study the comments that women make about men in the beauty shop, on playdates and online, and even in front of their children. I share the pain of gay and straights trying to grabble for answers to the question of the broken family in America. More an more people tell me of having up to 6 or more step parents to contend with, as their reason for reducing their dignity to nothing more than the intimacy of a "significant other". I talk to children in pre-school and the adult school of hard knocks, from 2 to 42 who are still emotionally moved by Bob Carlisle's song, "Butterfly Kisses" as old as it is now. So I wonder why in all our peripheral wisdom as women, we aren't seeing the power of our tongues to either bash or rebuild our nation from its roots.
I wasn't going to comment on this one seeing the "no bashing" sign and thinking how wonderful is was that this was not that kind of forum. However, I did ask myself when I read the headline whether the authors of the study also produced the show "Wife Swap" to have the expendable resources for taking another stab at the family. But then again I'm the one without a television for over 16 years now. And with good reason.
Nearly every single daycare in this country is staffed exclusively by women. Yet for every child kicked out of all of k-12, 3 pre-schoolers are getting expelled from their very first classroom experience nationwide, and given negative labels and adult medication for age appropriate behavior (what I call "frizzamyers" as early as 6 months of age. And the majority of these young victums are both under 5 years old and are boys. More than 70% of males inmates are fatherless. The majority of sexual abuse cases being reported to CPS come from step families. Yet we are powerful enough as women to turn this titanic around. My prayer is that we reconsider the legacy we most want our children to remember us for. We have enough enemies both on our televisions and around the world. Let is not be each other anymore! It's not our mouths but our moves that mold um.
The most important thing a father
can do for his children is to love
their mother.
Theodore Hesburgh
Oh that we would compel rather than
repel them from doing so as women!!!!!!!
Live so that when your children think
of fairness, caring and integrity, they
think of you.
H. Jackson Brown, Jr
They say it takes a village to raise a
child. That may be the case, but the
truth is that it takes a lot of solid,
stable marriages to create a village.
Diane Sollee, smartmarriages.com
When asked his secret of love, being
married fifty-four years to the same
person, he said, "Ruth and I are happily
incompatible."
Billy Graham
Any fool can have a trophy wife. It takes
a real man to have a trophy marriage.
Diane Sollee, smartmarriages.com
A successful marriage requires falling in
love many times, always with the same person.
Mignon McLaughlin
There's a fearless parent in all of us.
Seen yours lately?
Adelaide Zindler, FP (Fearless Parent)
April 15, 2008 - 6:10amwww.FearlessParenting.com
This Comment
I just couldn't resist commenting on this one.... ever since my ex-husband moved out in December, my house has remained miraculously straighter and cleaner, even with three young kids, a cat, a guinea pig and a hamster. I've noticed a major difference in the laundry area especially. (I had to teach him how to use the washing machine before he moved out, pretty sad after 17 years of marriage. Even more tragic is that I didn't even realize that he wasn't doing any laundry because I'm always running around, so incredibly busy....) Honestly, there are times when I wish we'd divorced long, long ago just because my housework has so minimized since he left.
So about you, Susan (again I couldn't resist)... let me get this straight here.... Your husband works 60 hours per week. There isn't any mention of hours he spends on housework, only that he hates doing it. YOU on the otherhand also work 60 hours per week (yes, caring for kids means work, you just don't get paid for it), AND you work 25 hours on top of that, AND if you're like the average woman in this study you also work 28 hours just on housework. What's wrong with this picture??
Kristin
Kristin Park
April 14, 2008 - 10:10pmhttp://ppdsurvivor.blogspot.com
This Comment