Ever since my divorce last spring, I've been on a journey to reclaim myself. I believe that for many years I lost myself in different ways. I definitely lost my voice, lost my self-esteem, floundered in depression, and basically lost who I once was. That strong, secure, independent young woman of 22 years ago who could do anything.
One big part of my life back then was marathon running. I started long distance running at the age of 12 and ran my first 26.2-mile marathon at 17. It turned out that not only did I really enjoy running marathons, I was pretty good at it. Running was a big self-esteem boost for me, and I made some great friends through it. My last marathon was the Boston Marathon, which I did in 1985. I did a couple of half-marathons after that, but haven't done anything longer than a 5k since 1987, which happened to be the year I fell in love with my ex-husband.
So here I am 22 years and 4 babies later, with a very different (not to mention older) body, and I'm going to try a big race. I'm not quite ready to do the full 26.2 miles, but I want to try the half-marathon to see how I do. It's this Sunday, and I've been training for about 3 months for it, so I think I'm ready. I'm still a little nervous, though. For me, it's not just about finishing the race. It's also about getting back a part of me that I felt good about.
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Well, I went to the Phoenix Convention Center last night to pick up my number for the race, and WOW, it was really cool to see other runners doing the same. There were dozens of running and health-related booths set up, tons of Rock 'n Roll Marathon merchandise (very over-priced, naturally), and lots of music. Just hearing the music and holding my number gave me an adrenaline rush. I'm actually feeling more excitement now than nervousness, which is good thing.
I was chatting with one of my colleagues here at EmpowHer yesterday about the race, and she wondered why the heck I'd want to wake up at 4:30 am, make the long drive to the race, struggle to find parking near the finish line, take a 45-minute shuttle to the starting line, compete with 35,000 other runners for about a dozen port-a-potties, and then run 13 miles.... Not to mention all of the training I've done over the past three months. Sometimes I wonder myself. But then a couple of days ago a dear friend reminded me what this race signifies to me -- that I'm going to be releasing years of pent-up anger, frustration and sorrow with every mile. All of the emotional abuse that I endured during my marriage will come out with every mile that I pound out. When I cross the finish line, I'm envisioning a new me, free and unburdened.
January 17, 2009 - 11:05amThis Comment
Thanks, all, for your amazing and supportive comments! I'm getting more nervous each day as Sunday looms ahead. It helps so much to re-visit this post and see your smiling faces encouraging me!!
January 13, 2009 - 3:03pmThis Comment
Kristin,
I love the running community---they are definitely a different "breed" of people! :) I did not like running, until I was practically begged by an ex-co-worker to give it a try. Well, the support from the women's group was amazing, and I ran many 5Ks leading up to my big race: a 10-miler. As you know, the most difficult part is being mentally prepared, as once you've trained and your body "knows what to do", the rest is just getting rid of the self-doubt talk in your head.
You'll do fabulous. Welcome the pre-race jitters, as it is some extra helpful energy (as long as you don't start out going too fast!)
Have fun!
January 13, 2009 - 2:50pmThis Comment
Kristin, what a cool goal and how great you'll feel Sunday when you've done it!!
I'm betting that those pre-race jitters will ease as soon as you settle into your pace. As a former runner myself, I know that nothing quite beats that phase about 20-25 minutes in, when you feel yourself comfortably moving to the beat of your own inner rhythm.
I bet it will also be extraordinary to re-greet your inner self on the half-marathon path. She is waiting there for you, shoes laced up, face flushed in anticipation, a twinkle in her eye. When the two of you get to run together again, I have a feeling that you'll be energized, not fatigued. She missed you, too.
Good luck, have a blast, and please come back and let us know how it goes!
January 13, 2009 - 9:28amThis Comment
Have a great HM! Good for you for getting back to something you enjoyed before. I'm sure you'll do just fine.
I'm a marathon/HM coach and my next HM is at the end of this month, my next marathon Valentine's weekend. I'll send virtual cheers for you - and hope you'll send my daughter and me virtual support, too - woo-hoo!
P.S. I don't want to hear about your "older" body - I'm a hair shy of 60, LOL!
January 12, 2009 - 5:11pmThis Comment
I give you a lot of credit for doing this! I am sure training for this has not been easy and this has been the true test of your strength and determination to regain your life. You should already be congratulated for that. Good luck at the race!
January 12, 2009 - 12:37pmThis Comment
Good for your Kristin -- For both taking up the challenge of running again and reclaiming an activity that you love. I'd be interested in hearing your feedback after the race.
Also, Alysia, one of our moderators has a running club and I bet she may have a few tips for the pre-run jitters.
I know you'll do wonderfully.
January 12, 2009 - 9:36amThis Comment