Holiday season is here. Hallowe'en, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year - then right into Valentine's Day and Easter.
A growing movement of parents sees a rebellion against childhood fantasies of Trick or Treat, Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny - as well as putting the kibosh on the Tooth Fairy, the Binky or Paci Fairy (that's the fairy who 'helps' wean a child off a pacifier) and other childhood milestones and beliefs.
The main reason cited is that it's wrong to lie to a child. There is no Santa or Easter Bunny, really, and it's Mom or Dad who really leaves a dollar under the pillow of a newly gap toothed child, not the Tooth Fairy. So why make stuff up? Why fill a kid's head with stuff that's not even true? Dad eats those cookies by the fireplace - not Santa!
Forums abound on the Internet, with parents questioning if it's really ok to make this stuff up about the likes of some plump guy in the North Pole making it around the world in 24 hours to drop off gifts to the entire world. Carted around the world by a set of flying reindeer, no less. And when the inevitable happens - our kids find out none of this is true - will they be crushed? Never trust us again? Start lying themselves because they learned it from us?
People argue that it's 'fraud' and 'deception' towards our children and warn us that Trick or Treat is an invitation for the devil to enter our hearts.
As a parent, I have to ponder this. For about, oh, 3 seconds. I've picked my side. I'm going with Santa. And the Tooth Fairy. And don't start me on Trick or Treat, I love it! There is no devil being invited into my heart, although an extra few pounds is invited onto my belly from all those irresistible peanut butter cups. It's all good - nothing an extra hour or two on the Elliptical can't take care of.
There's lying, and there's lying. I don't tell my kids that their vaccinations won't hurt and then hold them as they cry in fright and pain. I let them know it'll sting just for a second or two and it'll all be over with. I don't tell them weird stuff like their hair will turn purple or their feet will turn inwards if they don't eat their vegetables.
But childhood fantasy? Santa? Fairies, pixies, and flying unicorns? I'm down for that. It's the magic of childhood - the imagination and thrill of reading ancient stories and myths that cause us to catch our breaths with the magic of it all! Wondering if our toys come alive at midnight and just knowing that our doll can really talk, if she could just trust us enough! Loving the thrill as our eyes widen on Christmas Eve, wondering if that creak was Santa delivering on his promises and the grip of joy in our bellies as we race downstairs the next day to the enchantment of it all.
If we fall apart once we realize that Dad ate Santa's cookie and the Easter Bunny was actually an acting student from the local community college, then we'd probably be the type to fall apart anyway.
Being a grown up can be tough. Grim reality sets in pretty quickly. And while life can be wonderful for us as adults - we face problems and concerns that our children thankfully never have to. At least not yet.
So as the holiday season fast approaches, I say let's let the magic of childhood continue for our children, and even for us - if we're willing to let our practicalities go for a while, and remember how magically delightful childhood can be.
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What is your take on childhood beliefs like Santa or the Tooth Fairy? Fantasy and fun, or fake and fraud?
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Add a Comment6 Comments
I personally love fantasy and pretence, and will definitely instil this into my children's upbringing. However for some reason I really dislike the Santa Claus thing - to me it seems a 'real lie', rather than an imagined story for fun, because it's all acted out and truly integrated into the real world.
When my kids are old enough to understand, I want to tell them about the old tale of St. Nicholas, and that this is how he is remembered, in honour of Christmas day. And then, yes, I will probably give them some presents 'from Santa', but they will know the true story and how we are just re-enacting it - and hopefully enjoy that. (Re-enacting something doesn't take away the joy if done right!) But it doesn't need to be a lie, something that if you said 'Santa's not real' to a sibling your mum would tell you off. See, growing up in our family (and, I suspect, in most), it was a true thing taught to us in the same way that Jesus was taught to us... yes, we learned about Jesus all through the year, and Santa just at Christmas, but it was the same really. I didn't like that then and I still don't like it now. I remember as a child feeling cheated by my parents because it felt like it *couldn't* be true, yet they seemed to be telling it as though it was. I felt so little joy about Santa because it felt like a lie to me from the start.
(Incidentally I can almost always tell when people are lying - perhaps that was my problem!)
October 5, 2009 - 9:55amThis Comment
My parents, and subsequently I, had no use for pacifiers. Now, I know there may be some benefit to the new ones, such as helping the formation of the mouth palate. But it really drives me nuts to see kids about sucking on the things. JMHO
My kids weren't thumb suckers, either. They preferred their first two fingers, LOL!
April 7, 2009 - 4:18pmThis Comment
Susan,
I wish I had read this earlier! I had never heard of a Paci Fairy, and that may have helped me this week. My 2.5 year old is still using a paci to fall asleep for naps and nighttime, and he has enough coping and self-soothing skills now that he can do without it. Instead of choosing the Paci Fairy "lie", I used the method that he would understand: "they broke"! So, I cut the tips off, and when he asked for his paci, I told them they broke. He was sad for 20 minutes one day, the next day was 10 minutes, and now they aren't mentioned again.
I have to admit, I had some mother guilt lying to him and purposefully taking away something I knew gave him comfort, but being a parent is setting healthy boundaries, which a paci is not (except for infants).
So, I guess parenting includes a calculated set of "lies" throughout the child's life, in order to provide healthy boundaries and limits. ??
April 7, 2009 - 2:15pmThis Comment
The question is not whether it is an imaginative expression or a tradition that has been passed around for generations. The question is whether it is a lie or is it a truth? That is what we are asking. If it a truth then we can live in denial and justify all our behavior and blame everything on someone else. If it is a lie then we too are guilty of a gross infraction and that too can be seen as a form as child abuse. Just lighten up when you respond. Is it a truth or a lie. No wonder thaey think Jesus Christ is also a make believe fantasy.
April 7, 2009 - 12:23pmThis Comment
What? What's this about Santa Claus being a lie? You mean all those magical night-before-Christmas thoughts have no place in a child's life?
I still remember trying to go to sleep on Christmas Eve when I believed in Santa. It was the most wondrous thing in the world. I thought the morning would never come, and when it did, it was always magical. Nevermind that my parents' handwriting seemed to be on some of the presents that Santa brought, and never mind that there seemed to be Santas in every mall, and never mind that we didn't have a chimney. I believed, 100 percent, and I'd never want to take that away from a child.
Is it disappointing when you find out that it's a generous, loving myth passed down through the ages? Sure, if it's not handled right. But I remember being enlisted to help create the magic for my little sister and brother, and that seemed special in its own way as well.
I do feel badly for parents who decide that, for whatever reason, they choose not to participate in holiday myths. I can't think of another parenting decision that would be so roundly difficult to make and enforce, simply because the child lives in an entire world set up to encourage it. It's an interesting thing to think about.
October 28, 2008 - 5:07pmThis Comment
My children thought our daughter's godfather was Santa Claus, because he looked and acted the part. Our family doctor in another town was by the last name "Claus," so they thought there really must be a Santa. By the time they finally figured out who was eating the chocolate chip cookies left on the hearth, they had learned about the legend of S.C. and the spirit of the season that had nothing to do with commercialism or spending.
The Easter Bunny was about as believable as Charlie Brown's Great Pumpkin, but it was still fun to think that some crazy rabbit would run around the neighborhood scattering plastic eggs across lawns and trees. I'm with you, though - let the kids enjoy their imaginations. Remember the film, "Miracle on 34th Street," wherein Natalie Wood's character, Susan, had been fed so much reality by her mother that she had no imagination?
Kids will figure things out soon enough. Meanwhile, a little imagination and fantasy doesn't hurt. Taking that out of the child robs him/her of natural curiosity and freedom of creativity.
I think there is a difference between encouraging imagination and allowing downright lying. I think that adults who want to sap the imaginations of their little ones should be sent off to the North Pole for a session with Kris Kringle and he'll set them straight about letting kids be kids.
(big wink)
October 27, 2008 - 4:27pmThis Comment