Every year about this time, droves of people storm the gyms, firmly resolved to get into a fitness routine that will get them ready to wear a bathing suit and lead them into a life of health and beauty. Most of them don't make it beyond the first week or two. Those of us who have managed to stick around for the long term are quick to point a finger and raise accusations about lack of commitment and self-discipline.
But it's just not that simple.
Being successful in the gym is about as difficult as being successful in life. It takes a lot more than commitment and self-discipline. The gym is a microcosm for society - nearly everyone is represented there - and if you are challenged by certain situations in your life, then you will also find those situations in spinning class or on the weight floor.
Several years ago, I used to attend a gym in my town. There was one woman there (I'll call her Sue) who always worked out at the same time as I and she had a habit of talking incessantly. Sue would talk while lifting, she would talk while on the cardio equipment - and it didn't even matter if she knew the person who was next to her - she always had something to say. I didn't mind so much that she talked, but she talked very loudly and she talked about topics like celebrity gossip and how much money she saved clipping coupons.
I admit, I judged her. I saw her as inconsiderate, perhaps unintelligent. As time went on, she got under my skin. Even when I had my headphones on with music, I could hear Sue yapping away. Eventually, I quit that gym, mostly because she was always there, and I was always irritated by her.
I have belonged to several gyms since then, and I can tell you that every gym has its Sue. And they all have a guy who confuses his obesity with muscle, and he walks around wearing one of those tank tops that show nipple. Then there's "cologne man", "unbearably skinny treadmill girl", and "the f-bomber" who cusses at least at the beginning and end of each sentence.
These are people. They are part of the package, and whether you're trying to lose weight or climb the career ladder or gain spiritual strength or just get through the day, you will have learn to deal with them, tolerate them, or love them if you want to be among them. Among us.
I returned to my old gym the other day because I'd heard they moved to a new location and had a nice set-up with new equipment. Sue was still there. She's matured a bit, I think. She wasn't talking as much and she was more subdued than I remembered her. Yet when I climbed up onto the elliptical trainer, I found myself square in front of a young woman loudly chatting away about what seemed like so much nonsense to me. But she has a right to do that if she wants to. And I already know that no matter where I go, she will be there. Trouble is... so will I. The only way to avoid being irritated by her is to change my response to her.
When you join a gym, you become a member of a community. This is what makes the experience such a challenge, but it's also what gives it value. The people you see every day at the gym are on the journey with you. If you treat them with respect and kindness, chances are they will provide you with the accountability and the motivation to keep showing up every day, keep working. They will teach you how to get along, how to play nice, how to be part of a community. And that's what it's all about.
In strength,
Julie
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Julie Scipioni McKown is a certified personal trainer, and a physique transformation champion. Her e-book, Body Wizardry: The Art of Physique Transformation from the Inside, Out is now available for the Kindle ebook reader. Don't have a Kindle? Get yours here. For information on purchasing other versions of the ebook, email us at [email protected] .
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I've enjoyed reading these posts, and they reminded me of one of my favorite quotes, that relates to this. I think of it whenever I don't want to exercise (or wash dishes or whatever!) because it doesn't make me happy at the time or exercise is uncomfortable:
We act as though comfort and luxury were the chief requirements of life, when all that we need to make us happy is something to be enthusiastic about.
- Charles Kingsley
Julie: you definitely sound enthusiastic about fitness, and I assume this helps alleviate the necessity for "comfort" (as in, running is uncomfortable!), because you know that your enthusiasm is what makes you happy in the end. Discomfort is temporary, as in: getting out of bed in the morning at 4am (hee hee). We can all learn a lot from your enthusiasm!
June 1, 2008 - 7:27pmThis Comment
Hi, Veronica!
You are so right - and I love that quote!
People keep trying to find a way to make exercise and good nutrition easy and simple. But if you're in the habit of not exercising and not eating right, the change is going to be uncomfortable.
Of course, what we fail to realize is that ANY change is going to be uncomfortable. For me, it is uncomfortable to skip the gym, and I can only tolerate that for a few days at a time, at most. If I get sick or I have to travel for work and I can't keep my routine, it is really hard for me. Part of that is because it's different.
The secret is in getting used to good habits. Over time, you won't be able to even remember what it was like not to keep them.
In strength,
Julie
http://www.BodyWizards.com
June 2, 2008 - 3:23pmThe Power to Build your Ideal Body
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Every morning, I check the scale. But, even though it might be kind one morning, it may not be the next. The mirror is never kind, and it's a great motivator to me to keep working at what I'm working at. Between marathon training and MUFAs, the belly bulge is finally starting to melt.
Alison: glad to hear you've joined a running group. Perhaps we'll cross paths at an event around town!
Julie: yep, I'm a marathoner, a marathon and half marathon coach, and I'm coaching a team for the 3-Day/60 mile Komen Walk. I started running at age 50, and marathon training 4 years ago. My mom "made" me do it...she did a 10K in her 60's and is doing one to celebrate her 80th birthday next year. Talk about having a good example to go by!
May 29, 2008 - 4:14pmThis Comment
I have such respect for long-distance runners. The longest race I've ever trained for was a 10K and then I hurt my hip during training and couldn't even run - I was so disappointed!
I've tried a few times since then to take up running again, but I always end up with an IT band problem on my left knee, and hip pain in the right. I have one leg that is sort of out of alignment (I should have had that bar on my feet when I was a baby...), and I always seem to end up hurting myself.
Perhaps I don't have the patience to take it slow enough. Any tips for where to begin if I want to try to do some running again?
And about your mom: Wow! That's pretty amazing - you're lucky to have such a great role model.
Julie
http://www.BodyWizards.com
June 1, 2008 - 9:34amThe Power to Build your Ideal Body
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I would love to hear more tips on how to keep the commitment, and motivation in high gear to exercise!
I also set my alarm to get up early before my toddler is awake (thankfully, it is 6am instead of 4:15am!!). I have found that exercise really is a lifestyle choice, one that you make several times every day. If I feel hydrated, eat a pretty good meal, skip the second helping of dessert, get to sleep by 10pm (a biggie for me!), have all of my workout clothes out the night before, and my workout plan decided upon ... only THEN are my chances greater for me to get my rear-end out the door to exercise that next morning!
I joined a running group (I am in a warm climate...actually, scolding hot climate at times!!), and the social aspect, as well as wanting to "keep up" with the long runs helps me to get my weekly workouts in. Social pressure works wonders! See, peer pressure isn't all bad, right?!
I have such a difficult time thinking about working out in the morning, hoping that I'll have enough energy and stamina to keep up with my toddler for the day, as well as clean, get some work hours in, errands and other drudge work. How do you stay motivated and in high spirits?!
May 29, 2008 - 2:41pmThis Comment
Alison:
What it comes down to for me is that I don't allow skipping my workout to be an option.
Think about it: You would never say you're too tired to care for your children, right? You are committed to doing it, and you do it every day, without question and without fail. Some days, it's not easy. But you do it anyway.
It's really the same thing with regard to self-care through exercise: I don't give myself a choice. I set my life up so that my commitment is built-in. I know that in order for me to feel my best, I have to follow certain nutrition guidelines, and I have to work out every day. So I do exactly what you suggest: I put my clothes out the night before, I get into bed at a decent hour, and as soon as the alarm goes off, I take off my pajamas and put my workout gear on. Some mornings, if I even brushed my teeth first, I would talk myself into going back to bed. But once I have the clothes on, I am halfway there.
These days, I work out at the gym, and then shower there and go directly to work. So, I put my gym bag and my work clothes IN THE CAR the night before. When I do things like that I am pre-disposing myself to the choice I know I WANT to make so that even when I don't FEEL like making it, it's a lot more difficult to back out.
Same thing with my nutrition. I make my meals up ahead of time, preparing enough tuna salad, etc. for a few days worth of lunches, and then leaving that in the fridge at work. Toss in a bag of apples and a box of whole grain crackers, and I'm all set up to eat right. (Choosing what to eat while you're feeling hungry is never a good idea. Decide ahead of time what choice you WANT to make, and then prepare that, and put it in the fridge, front and center.)
Anticipate what you want to do each day, and then as much as you can, set everything up ahead of time. Don't attempt to choose whether or not to work out after the alarm goes off. We will always choose to go back to sleep. Make your choices while you're sitting here thinking about what you'd like to accomplish. Do you want to work out every day? Three times a week? Do you want to eliminate sweets from your diet every day except for the weekends? Identify the behaviors that will get you to your goal, and then look for ways to set your life up to support and encourage those behaviors.
What do you have to do to eliminate the options you've already decided you don't want to have? For instance, if you want to abstain from sweets during the week, don't buy any at the store, and then buy enough on Saturday just to enjoy over the weekend. (I'm a big proponent of buying one brownie from the bakery even though it costs about the same as an entire box of brownie mix.) Many women argue that they buy sweets to have in the house for their kids or their husband, but how about if the whole family cuts back?
If you think critically about what you want to accomplish based on your goals, you will be able to identify ways in which you can set yourself up for success.
I know having energy is a real concern, but the more you workout, the more energy you will have. Once exercise is a longer term habit, you will likely find that it is easier to meet the demands of each day, not more difficult. The key there becomes to get to make sure you get to bed at a decent hour if you can, and to support your workouts with proper nutrition. Making sure you get enough of the right kinds of foods is critical to reaching new energy levels.
To be honest with you, some days, I am not that motivated. But because I have already eliminated the choice to skip my workout, it doesn't matter. Commitment trumps motivation. There are definitely some days when I am none too thrilled about trekking out to the car at 4:30 am - especially in the winter when the snow can be a couple of feet deep and I have to drag my gear behind me in a sled. But again, by eliminating the choice to skip, I don't have to WANT it or feel happy about it because I've already decided it's what's best for me. So I just do it.
http://www.BodyWizards.com
June 1, 2008 - 9:27amThe Power to Build your Ideal Body
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I'm not a gym "rat;" I say "rats" to gyms, lol! I do admire you for toughing out your anxieties about going to the gym and focusing on your own reasons for being there.
Years ago, when the kidlets were shorter and I had more time, I used to go to our local YMCA where an awesome instructor led a variety of aerobics classes, walking and running groups. You're so right about the gym being a community. We would worry about other members who didn't show up "as usual," or who might have be "due" with a baby, whatever. We'd show respect for the older Greek guy who felt a need to demonstrate to anyone around the proper way to bench press (when I was trying to get the hang of the thigh press thing), and patiently nod at the woman who talked incessantly over our aerobics instructor.
Anyway, I hate being seen at the gym, but I'll run 26 miles looking like the slow fat runner I am. Go figure! Maybe it's because I feel more committed to putting one foot in front of the other on asphalt than on a treadmill. Maybe it's because I can zone out and enjoy the scenery, the sunrise, the smell of cow pasture.
We each have our own comfort zones. :)
May 28, 2008 - 4:54pmThis Comment
Do you live in a warm climate?
I often think about how nice it would be to be able to go biking, hiking, running, etc. all year through. It gets pretty cold up here in New York starting at about October.
However, as you mentioned, there is a level of accountability built into gym membership. Once you establish a routine and make a few friends, they tend to notice if you don't show up. If I miss a day or two, I always feel like I have to return with a note from my mother as proof that I had a good reason to stay home. :)
Do you really run marathons? That's something that I find really amazing. Talk about "toughing it out!"
Julie
May 29, 2008 - 2:09pmhttp://www.BodyWizards.com
The Power to Build your Ideal Body
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Hi, Kelley!
Thanks for your kind comments.
I know what you mean - and this is something that I still struggle with from time to time.
One thing that has helped me is that over time, I noticed that someone might drive me crazy one day and then not bother me at all the next day. That doesn't even make sense, right?
So whenever I felt bothered, I started asking myself, "Why am I bother-able?" Letting people get to me is ultimately a matter of choice. I can either allow the way I feel about them to ruin my workout, or I can find a way to be "unbotherable" which, by the way, is a priceless skill to have. Some days I do better with it than others, but over time, I'd like to think I've improved!
In strength,
Julie
http://www.BodyWizards.com
May 28, 2008 - 3:06pmThe Power to Build your Ideal Body
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Julie:
I really loved your perspective on Gym Life. I have joined a gym a handful of times throughout my life and could never stick with it because of all of the characters I encountered. I love your advice and think we all need to learn to appreciate the different people you encounter in the gym community. I hope you continue to post on EmpowHer as I really enjoy your fresh perspective.
May 26, 2008 - 4:06pmThis Comment