When I had my third and final child, my OB/GYN asked me several times if I'd like my tubes tied, since she was "going to be in there anyway" during the c-section. I felt like asking her to go ahead and check my heart, lungs and digestive tract too, since she'd be "in there anyway". Get the whole shebang checked out!
I elected not to have my tubes tied. Mainly because I knew I was going to have to get back on my feet very quickly, with a newborn and two other children - all under the age of 3. I only had about a five day recovery period. And friends who had their tubes tied were happy with their decision, but told me recovery was hard. And a bit painful. I figured yet another c-section was enough pain and I was fortunate enough to have a husband who happily elected to "take care of things" on his end, instead.
The result is excellent. Our family is complete and we have no nail biting moments waiting for the arrival of my monthly friend (and why do we call 5-7 days of pain, cramping, bloating and bleeding a friend?)and all is well with the world.
But not all men are happy with the notion of male sterility. It's archaic and pretty meaningless, but many a man out there still equates his masculinity with the ability to procreate. Along with that mindset is the notion that a vasectomy somehow interferes with sexual activity. That they won't be able to perform, or it will be different, or worse.
None of that is the case, but those long standing ideas still abound. One man on a chat board complimented his wife for opting to have a tubal ligation (she really did feel that during a c-section, the doctor "was going to be in there anyway" and happily volunteered). She told her husband that women tend to exaggerate the risks of a tubal and tell a man a vasectomy is easy in order to opt out of a tubal. He's lucky she is his wife, he concludes. Because now he has "stayed a Man instead of becoming an IT".
So how safe and easy are these options?
A tubal ligation is when the fallopian tubes are closed and thus prevent pregnancy. It is effective immediately and 99.5% effective. It is an invasive procedure.
Some women have complained of heavy periods afterward, as well as more painful periods. Recovery takes less than a week and a woman can resume sexual activity within about two weeks.
Reversal is difficult and very expensive.
A vasectomy is when two tubes are cut, to prevent sperm entering semen, thus making him sterile. It is less invasive and most men are back to normal the next day, although may feel slight pain for 48 hours.
It is NOT effective straight away. A man may need to ejaculate up to 25 times in order to be sterile. He should always use protection until he gets his sperm counted, which takes place after about 20-25 ejaculations. Generally, he is considered sterile after two sperm free tests.
There is no difference in a man's sex life, whether he has had a vasectomy or not.
It is 99.85% effective. It is reversible but a reversal does not guarantee potency. Like the reversal of a tubal ligation, it can be expensive to reverse a vasectomy and often times neither reversals are covered by insurance.
So which to pick? Entirely depends on the couple. Some believe that if a couple have completed their family, a woman should have a tubal directly after birth. It's convenient and she is already medicated. Other believe a man should since it is generally less painful and non-invasive and recovery time is faster. Some men feel like it's his contribution to the physical "reproduction" part of having a family.
Tell Us
Do you feel either a man or a woman should be more obligated, when it comes to sterility? Does having a vasectomy really make a man less than a man, like many people on opinion and chat boards think?
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Add a Comment6 Comments
A vasectomy is the common-sense answer here. Unfortunately SO many men are really just a bunch of wusses if we want to be honest. The idea of getting "nipped" is really what is stopping them from getting a vasectomy (but yet we can go through natural labor or have to undergo c-sections without complaining, right?) My husband is one of those "Oh god, No!" guys at the mere mention of a vasectomy-- which, to me, is extremely irritating. It is irritating because I am done after #2 but no doctor in their right mind would tie my tubes at my age. So, in order to avoid baby #3 I will have to do thorough research on long-term birth control and possibly have to go through more than one method until I find what's best for me. It's not ideal but if all else fails maybe I'll just buy him a massive collection of porn to get him through life without sex (I kid).
March 2, 2010 - 2:11pmThis Comment
As I sit here 12 months post vasectomy still in pain (PVPS) I regret ever entertaining the idea of having the procedure. I have exhausted every conservative measure left trying to alleviate my pain. I have less than one week until I return to my Urologist for another follow-up appointment. I am soon to be at a crossroad as to what I do next. I essentially have three options left:
First option is to have a reversal. I watched the procedure and it does not look fun, the incisions run the entire length of both testicle. Needless to say, it is more invasive than the vasectomy itself and it defeats the whole reason I did it in the first place. Every time anyone goes under the knife, you run risks that you might not want to face if something goes wrong.
Second option is have a procedure where they go into the vas deferen tube and use micro tools to strip the cord of the nerve endings (denervation). High success rate but you can no longer get a reversal if it doesn't work and there is a chance that the procedure might make the pain worse (I have been unlucky already, do I take another risk).
Third option is to live in pain for the rest of my life. This option is one I do not like but it is still an option nonetheless.
Removing my testicle or epididymis is not a legitimate option for me because my pain is not in that area so I did not list it as a viable option.
I am truly frustrated with the whole process. I truly feel that no one really cares about any of us statistics (botched operations or whatever the cause). We are the silent minority that just gets to endure the pain. Of course, everyone says to your face that they are sorry but no one is marching in the streets, writing letters to the AMA or Congress about stopping vasectomies because men are taking risks that they should not be taking or it is an unsafe procedure that should be outlawed. (Read dontfixit.org)
I am also frustrated that the original doctor that did the procedure just walked right out the procedure room when I told him I was in pain (10 days post vasectomy). He did not even want to help me, nor to this day has he.
I am frustrated that we men have to set in silent agony because we are supposed to do our part in family planning and in this politically correct environment, we can’t say anything with out coming across as heartless pigs if we choose not to do this procedure. We are told: “do your part”, “to man up”, “catch up to the 21st century” (actual quote form the female doctor on the show "Doctors" to a male guest), and that it shouldn't just all be our wives responsibility to carry the burden of preventing pregnancy. Do I feel that I can take some control and responsibility, yes of course, because I did?
December 7, 2011 - 10:17pmOne last statement: If a woman is not sterile, she can still become pregnant.
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Simple – just takes 15 minutes- every other operations complications are often overstated but this one is hugely understated which causes its own problems. 3 years of pain and a permanent damaging experience- I think it is very wrong to suggest men recover and are back to normal the next day. The operation-there was a moment of extreme electrocution when the Anaesthetic was found not to be strong enough- my operation took 50 minutes and the surgeon claimed to have done hundreds! It was painful and hell- At the time I thought it would at least lead to more sex.
August 26, 2009 - 3:42pmIt has caused me pain ever since although this has subsided over time. First week felt very ill -pain absolutely foul– pain reduced a bit over 3 months but then remained quit painful for about 9 months. The pain often caused me to wake in the first year and occasionally I still wake up with pain from my balls. Since then my balls have occasionally swelled causing a lot a pain for over a few days (Ibuprofen will work over a few days) and I quite often get an uncomfortable ache. Adjusting balls is often necessary – not something I had done before. Cycling is particularly affected and cycling shorts with padding with a wider saddle are a must now. Previously was happy with my testicles and not really conscious of them ever bothering me.
Is sex affected – well I was put off completely for 9 months because of the pain stabbing and sex has never returned to quite the same level enjoyment (orgasm afterwards was quite uncomfortable because I got a stabbing pain on the sides and the balls felt like they were really full and painful like you had not come) The experience for me was extremely disappointing. I had a have horrid stabbing pain and this spoiled sex activity!
From what I have read the damage is physically done and nothing will put my two humpty dupties back again. Any attempt to physically repair is almost impossible as reopening would causes more scaring etc. I will not go voluntarily to any Dr again.
I thought I was “man” enough to handle the operation and thought men who did not were selfish and felt that must be less of a real man as they put their balls before their brains – but the feeling is of castration or something like it and I cannot move on and am still angry. I can’t talk about it (unsurprisingly this is shared with at least ½ the men they never tell anyone!) If I did not love my deeply I do not suppose I would bother about sex anymore- my libido is not as it was.
For social reasons this operation is hugely overstated in its simplicity my understanding is that about a 1/3 of men suffer long term from this “minor simple operation”. It is an irony because this operation is often known to cause more regret than perhaps any other operation – so why is it so promoted!
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Thank you, for being honest about this. I've heard very similar statements many, many, times. The other major issue that is rarely mentioned is the divorce rate after a vasectomy (within two years, skyrockets).
March 1, 2010 - 3:10pmThis Comment
My personal take on this:
1) It is more complicated and risky for women to have their "tubes tied" than for a man to have a vasectomy. It is major surgery for women, and out-patient for men.
2) This sounds horrible, but the worst-case scenario is worth considering, here. What if your newborn dies of SIDS, or something happens to your infant? You may not want your tubes tied if there was such a tragedy, and you and your husband wanted more children. That is my compelling reason to wait and not have tubes tied during a C-section.
February 3, 2009 - 3:38pmThis Comment
I can't imagine that a vasectomy would make a man feel less than a man, just like I can't imagine a woman feeling that way after a tubal ligation. When my ex-husband and I faced this decision, he volunteered to have a vasectomy, and I thought that was "fair" since I'd spent many previous years on the birth control pill off and on, and using a diaphragm at times. It seemed only right that since I'd carried the burden of birth control in the timing of our family, and not to mention had given birth to four babies over the years, that he'd share part of the birth control responsibility. But I never would have thought of him in a different light, like less than a man, because he had a vasectomy. I find it interesting that some people might think that way.
February 2, 2009 - 11:10pmThis Comment