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Why Doesn't my boyfriend want to have sex with me anymore?

By May 19, 2009 - 9:46am
 
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We've been dating for over a yer now but in the last few months our sex has drastically decreased at first started to go down from at least 1-2 times a day for at least 5 months and then it went down to 1-2 times a week and then to 1-2 times a month and now it's been a month and a half since we've had sex. I've read a few articles about this allready, but none seem to fit my problem exactly. I was worried for a while that it might be me that was the problem and but he told me it wasn't and i know he wouldn't lie to me. I've asked him about it but he says theres nothing wrong. I just don't know what to do anymore. He's only a year older than me and he's suppose to be in hes prime. Is there anything I can do? I Haven't pressured him or anything because I dont want him to do it just to shut me up. I want him to want to. and I'm just not satistied anymore and im not asking for everyday, at this point once or twice a week would be nice. A far as I know there's nothing he's stressed about at work or school, could it be a cobination of the 2? or something else going on that I don't know about? and please keep in mind that im am searching for help and advice and I don't want to hear find a new boyfriend. I love him and im not leaving him, even if it means were not going to have sex anymore. But it's frustration for the time being as I find it a tad odd that I want it more than he does. and I don't really want to talk to any of my friends abotu it because I live in a small town and this is personal and I don't need everyone talking about it. and the last thing I want him to feel is embarassed. I havn't told anyone of my friends but I'm in need of some advice. Any Ideas?

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EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

Guys are very visual and auditory. A million years of instinct can't be erased in a few hundred [monogamy]. Men's instinct is to have sex with as many women as possible to have their seed go on. To pass on their DNA, it is what drives all animals [especially male]. I know this will sound crazy but we are still animals.
Your boyfriend loves you but the 'sex drive' is a real issue. It means that he does not want to be without you, but, needs release to keep his animal side in check.
Try teasing him to enflame his lust. Wear some new clothing and be sexy without trying to be sexy. Try not pushing him for sex for a few weeks. Then when you have sex and you both finish leave him alone. Don't try to snuggle unless he does. This will shape his mind into thinking that the challenge is still there and he needs to be on his best to hold onto you.
Don't f#$% with him too much. Just enough to keep him on his toes!
Happy hunting!

August 9, 2013 - 7:54am

I have the same problem. My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year now. At first things were great and we were very sexually active now, I'm lucky if we have sex once or twice a month. I asked him what's going on and he has a list a mile long. He is tired, he doesn't crave sex, he doesn't like doing it in the day time, I ask for sex too often and it goes on and on. I have wore sexy nighties, suggested we watch movies together, get some toys, set the mood with a bath, everything I can think of and get told no. When we do have sex it's either wham bam and done or he can't maintain an erection. I recently found he is surfing porn while I am work and he has the day off. I don't understand or know what to do. I asked him if it's me, maybe I don't turn him on or not giving him something he needs or wants. He says it's not me and he loves me. I don't feel loved, I feel rejected, fat, ugly, unwanted, repulsive and I could go on. I am at a loss on what to do other than leave. I love him but, I'm lonely, sad and hurt.

July 30, 2013 - 6:57am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to vodoo)

That's exactly what is goig on with me. I just found today that he is surfing porn. I just don't know what to do. I feel unwanted.

August 26, 2013 - 1:32pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

To everyone here I am having the same issues in my relationship except u boyfriend is working 60 hour weeks, and then we went on vacation to San Diego and he was super sick... It's been three weeks... We used to jump like rabbits but it's dwindled down to once a month....it's killing me but he tells me he's sorry he's been really tired and when he's sick he doesn't feel sexy. So don't always assume the worst about your man sit him down and talk about whatever it is that you're worried about. It's when he's not willing to talk about it that he doesn't give a damn.

June 1, 2013 - 10:23am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

First off my fiance and I are both physically fit and outgoing people, still. We met, had similar interest, and did the dirty DIRTY every chance we got for 1 year. Then came the WHAM BAM, NO THANK YOU MAM, I'M TIRED BULLSH*T the 2nd year. I'd be lucky if we got it on once a month, so sad. I LOVE this man, but love ain't got SH*T to do with it if he is not satisfying me sexually, emotionally, spiritually.
Now into the 3rd year, he ask for my hand in marriage, I love him, but hesitated in saying 'YES' because I had to be honest -- 'I will marry you under 4 conditions....the 1st is MORE SEX...' Hot and heavy once again for the first 3 months of this year and now it has DRIED UP...uber frustrating. He is the ideal man, but I feel neglected, unwanted, etc. Thinking of walking away for good before tying the knot in September. What to do, what to do?

May 30, 2013 - 1:12am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

First off my fiance and I are both physically fit and outgoing people, still. We met, had similar interest, and did the dirty DIRTY every chance we got for 1 year. Then came the WHAM BAM, NO THANK YOU MAM, I'M TIRED BULLSH*T the 2nd year. I'd be lucky if we got it on once a month, so sad. I LOVE this man, but love ain't got SH*T to do with it if he is not satisfying me sexually, emotionally, spiritually.
Now into the 3rd year, he ask for my hand in marriage, I love him, but hesitated in saying 'YES' because I had to be honest -- 'I will marry you under 4 conditions....the 1st is MORE SEX...' Hot and heavy once again for the first 3 months of this year and now it has DRIED UP...uber frustrating. He is the ideal man, but I feel neglected, unwanted, etc. Thinking of walking away for good before tying the knot in September. What to do, what to do?

May 30, 2013 - 1:10am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

well we have same problem ..
my boyfriend and me are 1 year in a relationship we used to had sex 3 to 4 times in 1 day but slowly slowly his not interested to do it actually its ok with me but its kinda weird though coz he masturbate in front of me and if im not into his place his watching porn kinda make me feel ugly unwanted....

April 25, 2013 - 6:41pm
Guide (reply to Anonymous)

Hello Anonymous,

No one should ever make you feel ugly or unwanted. Every one is beautiful in her own way. Every one needs to be loved. Your boyfriend's choice to masturbate in front of you, instead of being sexually intimate with you, is insulting.

You need to ask yourself why are you staying in this relationship. Move on, you deserve better. Continuing in this relationship can negatively affect your self-esteem. The longer you subject yourself to his sexual avoidance of you, the worse you will feel about yourself.

Regards,

Maryann

April 26, 2013 - 4:51pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

ladies, find out of your man watches porn..it has been studed that it lowers their interest in their partner..
go to: www.yourbrainonporn.com

read some of the testimonials from the men...it might be surprising to you

My boyfriend and I have been going out for over 7 years and I noticed in the past year and half that the passion faded, and hardly had sex...one time I didn't initiate sex just to see how long it would take for him to initiate..and he never did..I ended up giving in bcuz obviously I have needs(it lasted 3 months)..and then I tried again but still gave in and initiated sex(that lasted 2 and a half months). the sex is never good like it use to be..it's the same old routine.... I recently found porn on his phone and he has masturbated in the bathroom with his phone in the morning..assuming I was asleep.. But if you go to the website I think it could help anyone who is in the same situation as me...show the site to him...I have read a lot of good things from women when they showed their man the site..but just make sure he fits the criteria first...I'm still working on my man...I feel like if he doesn't realize he doesn't need to make a change....I don't think I can live a life with someone when the relationship does not feel complete....everything else is great, and he's affectionate...but passion is gone and sex is very rare for us. I use to feel like the problem was me but I have read so many testimonials from women and a lot of what I read have the recurring theme of their boyfriends/husbands watching porn...but never having sex with them.

good luck ladies..we're all together in this.

April 23, 2013 - 1:41pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I am so sexually frustrated! My boyfriend and I live together and we haven't had sex in over two months. I've talked to him about it and asked him why he never wants to, he never has a good reason. We used to be so into each other, we would have sex a few times a week. Now I'll be lucky if he even looks at me... uhh.. I don't know what to do. I can't just move out with nowhere to go, and I can't get my own place, too expensive. So I am stuck in a sexless, boring relationship. I miss feeling wanted. I miss having someone excited to be with me. I am afraid to start all over and become single, what if I never find someone? :( This sucks. I love him, but I don't feel loved by him....

April 19, 2013 - 10:11pm
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