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Why Doesn't my boyfriend want to have sex with me anymore?

By May 19, 2009 - 9:46am
 
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We've been dating for over a yer now but in the last few months our sex has drastically decreased at first started to go down from at least 1-2 times a day for at least 5 months and then it went down to 1-2 times a week and then to 1-2 times a month and now it's been a month and a half since we've had sex. I've read a few articles about this allready, but none seem to fit my problem exactly. I was worried for a while that it might be me that was the problem and but he told me it wasn't and i know he wouldn't lie to me. I've asked him about it but he says theres nothing wrong. I just don't know what to do anymore. He's only a year older than me and he's suppose to be in hes prime. Is there anything I can do? I Haven't pressured him or anything because I dont want him to do it just to shut me up. I want him to want to. and I'm just not satistied anymore and im not asking for everyday, at this point once or twice a week would be nice. A far as I know there's nothing he's stressed about at work or school, could it be a cobination of the 2? or something else going on that I don't know about? and please keep in mind that im am searching for help and advice and I don't want to hear find a new boyfriend. I love him and im not leaving him, even if it means were not going to have sex anymore. But it's frustration for the time being as I find it a tad odd that I want it more than he does. and I don't really want to talk to any of my friends abotu it because I live in a small town and this is personal and I don't need everyone talking about it. and the last thing I want him to feel is embarassed. I havn't told anyone of my friends but I'm in need of some advice. Any Ideas?

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EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Princess_angel)

This is something I've had experience with. When a woman is pregnant sometimes the man thinks that by having sex with her that he will hurt the baby, this is not true. Another problem is a man starts to think ahead of the responsibilities when the baby arrives and this overwhelms them and causes the sex drive to decrease (finances, and the baby getting all the attention, etc.) Last, sometimes us women can be over sensitive especially when were pregnant, he may have allot on his mind about the baby and being a father and you may be taking things to personal just because your pregnant (hormones are a funny thing). Well, that is all the answers I can give that I know of. Good Luck

November 9, 2012 - 4:17am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Im Hurt Bad cause My Man Doesnt Touch Me Or kiss Me And Sex Is out Of question And we Only Been Together for Two Months What To Do Should I just Leave him?

August 15, 2012 - 8:00pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Same Problem. My boyfriend used to want me all the time. ALLLLLL the time. Now he gets almost mad if I am playful and keep flirting for sex and he's not in the mood. He'll say, "will you stop!"...He's 6 years older than me...but damn....and he always gets his and I never get mine and you'd think I'd be the one sexually disillusioned. But I like him sexually and I love him every other way. I used to think I had sex pretty down (prideful-maybe-but hey, confidence is sexy right?) and now I'm thinking "do I just not turn you on any more?" And my initial solution was spice up your sex life, but he's not into that. Like if I try to get him on the couch he always asks to go to the bed. Or if I joke around about something mildly kinky-he's like naw, eww, gross...I don't mind classic sex-just gimme. What could be wrong. I'm willing to do it backwards, forwards, or even sideways for pete's sake! and that's not what he wants..he just doesn't want me. He get's mad if I even playfully try to address it so I don't know what to do.

August 3, 2012 - 7:37am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

my problem is that we have been together going on 5 yrs now. have a daughter 3 yrs old. it is frustrating for us both working and studying at the same time. i want it or at least show me a bit more that u care or have sexual feelings for me. she says she loves me but don't go a little out there to show me. i try to show her as much as i can. my desires are urging and i'm getting frustrated. sometimes i wonder if we weren't meant to be together due to our sexual desires and lack of communication views. i am so frustrated with her because it is though she is not seeing how this is affecting me. i tend to react to how she treats mev
9a bit cold in my view). i'm usually a nice guy n want everyone around me to be happy. i need a soulution or help. i google a lot n try to take some tips. i also let her know the effort i go for this part of our life to get better. its like she doesn't see the importance. why!!!

August 1, 2012 - 3:17am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

I know what you mean. I feel like your woman. I feel urges, I find other men attractive, but I am faithful. I would never break up my family. They are so important to me. My kids and him. He holds us together. But, we are not affectionate enough. It's going on 12 years, and we have slept separate for half of that. We are ok with not sleeping together in the same bed because we want restful sleep. We sleep better that way. I;m afraid we are losing that spark though. I love him with all my heart We have sex, sometimes, but it is always the same. I never can steal his glance, or get that smile I used to get from him, and I keep myself up. I am getting bored with the mechanical routine. He does so much for the kids and me, but I have lost the urge to try. We are trying though. He might be trying more though. I think if we could get that special something back, then overall it will get better. So guy^ you above me, If you find out what she is wanting that she doesn't get anymore, than you might get what you want too. The hardest part is figuring it all out, then finding out if it is worth doing. I know that my relationship is. Is yours to you? I think it's hard with two people working, and trying to work on it after you get home, you're tired,hungry, want to eat, you need to clean house, care for the kids, make your partner pay attention to you, and juggle them all at once. I know exactly what you mean. We are like that too here. I think that it goes 2 ways. She wants something, and you want something else. That doesn't mean it is over, it means we are trying to balance life. And still keep a spark going. yesterday was different than today, and tomorrow will be different too. I think it just takes work. But it is worth it.

August 1, 2012 - 10:48pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

My ex boyfriend did this to me. Leading me on for 2 years. Saying it would get between. Then it was his PTSD. He always had an excuse. My advice isdump him and find someone who meets your needs.

July 17, 2012 - 10:56am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

It had not occurred to me. I really don't want to dump him, aside from this issue we get along great. He is Ex-Military and PTSD would be a possibility. OMG this is so hard. Thanks for bringing this up!

July 17, 2012 - 11:45am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I thought i was the only one with this issue. We have been living together for almost two years and been together a little over 3 and it went from everyday to maybe 10 times this entire year (2012) and it is halfway thru. I have asked him why and there is no reason only that he has stress and it is not on his mind but he will watch porn everyday. Before that would be part of our foreplay and now I can't even initiate a bj without him pushing me away. I have gain like 15 lbs since we stopped having sex and it just makes me feels depressed. Started working out again to get back to my best shape possible. Tried spicing it up, tried role playing, tried everything i could think of. I have toys and tired of playing alone. Maybe at this point a booty call or just leaving the relationship would be the solution. I care about him but i have a right to have a sex life. I know there are plenty of fish out there but can someone answer the million dollar question ... Why is the sex gone???

July 16, 2012 - 4:27pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

yes I went through the same thing. I was with him for 2 years, The first year was great but the second was bad , No sex really for 7 months and I could not take it anymore. I tried everything, I made him a few porn movies of me playing with toys plus we did a movie together but it still did not help. Once they are hooked on watching other women or couples, They just don't want to do it with you anymore. Mainly I was in the beginning his porn star, I let him do whatever he wanted to me, Tie me up and whatever else but one thing he wanted and I would not do, He wanted to watch me with other men. I knew he watched porn when we first met but he never neglected me until the last 7 months. He said he had no desire and he told me he was not watching porn which was a lie. I caught him 3 times on it that I know of and finally I just had enough so I broke up with him. Yes it is hard I do miss him but then again I rather be lonely because I am alone instead of the way he made me feel when I was with him. I felt more lonely and unloved when I was with him plus my self respect is gone now cause I gave him everything and the results are still the same so no matter what you do for him is not going to work

August 18, 2013 - 6:26pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I'm going through the same situation..I'm 25 & my bf will be 33 in a few weeks .. I love him and I hope he will be the man I.marry but we had our 1 year like 2 weeks ago he didn't remember but I'm trying not to hold it against him but the sex thing has gotten very hard.. It's likr he doesn't want me anymore ..I don't question if he loves me but I don't feel he's attracted to me..I cry allot here lately but not in front of him..I have laying beside him with my back to him very quietly so he couldn't hear but I feel so heartbroken..I've tried saying something and asked was it me and he just says I didn't know that's what our relationship is based on... It makes me feel so insecure I get attention from others I'm told I'm beautiful sexy and blah blah by other men but I wanna feel it from him and him only :( after being turned down it always makes me over analyze myself and trying to figure out what's so bad about me..I don't want him to cheat on me so I give him oral to keep him satisfied ..I'm so scared of losing him I would do anything to keep him happy even at my expense..I just don't understand

July 11, 2012 - 10:15am
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