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Why Doesn't my boyfriend want to have sex with me anymore?

By May 19, 2009 - 9:46am
 
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We've been dating for over a yer now but in the last few months our sex has drastically decreased at first started to go down from at least 1-2 times a day for at least 5 months and then it went down to 1-2 times a week and then to 1-2 times a month and now it's been a month and a half since we've had sex. I've read a few articles about this allready, but none seem to fit my problem exactly. I was worried for a while that it might be me that was the problem and but he told me it wasn't and i know he wouldn't lie to me. I've asked him about it but he says theres nothing wrong. I just don't know what to do anymore. He's only a year older than me and he's suppose to be in hes prime. Is there anything I can do? I Haven't pressured him or anything because I dont want him to do it just to shut me up. I want him to want to. and I'm just not satistied anymore and im not asking for everyday, at this point once or twice a week would be nice. A far as I know there's nothing he's stressed about at work or school, could it be a cobination of the 2? or something else going on that I don't know about? and please keep in mind that im am searching for help and advice and I don't want to hear find a new boyfriend. I love him and im not leaving him, even if it means were not going to have sex anymore. But it's frustration for the time being as I find it a tad odd that I want it more than he does. and I don't really want to talk to any of my friends abotu it because I live in a small town and this is personal and I don't need everyone talking about it. and the last thing I want him to feel is embarassed. I havn't told anyone of my friends but I'm in need of some advice. Any Ideas?

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Anonymous (reply to ChrisFabiani)

great advice. and looking back I think your absolutely right! putting it into action right away!!! no hate from this corner just appreciation that a guy would step up and say what needed said. Thanks! you may have saved a relationship or two :)

January 5, 2014 - 8:36pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to ChrisFabiani)

Hey. I completely agree with you. Its just as they say, if you have a problem with a guy, ask another guy. Thanks for responding. Your advice made the most sense. Good luck people

December 3, 2013 - 9:00am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I have a similar problem. I've been with my boyfriends for almost a year now. It has been amazing, we love spending time with each other, he makes me feel really special and happy, we want to move in with each other, and it seems like he wants to spend the rest of his life with me... But then something really weird happened. About a week ago, we had a fallout about something, honestly I don't even know what caused it. I just said sorry for something and all of a sudden he stopped talking to me. Later that night we spoke via text and he told me that he doesn't know if he still wants to be with me. This really shocked me as just 2 days before that he told me how much he loved me and that I'll always be his. He told me that he still loved me. I did the very pathetic thing, and begged, I really wasn't prepared to give up someone so great, and I begged for him to give me a second chance. He did, and we're happy in love once more. I brought up how what happened the other day really scared me and how afraid I am of losing him, and he's been reassuring me that I won't lose him (I just want to add that he is bi-polar) . Anyhow, we haven't had sex for about a month, and it's been really bothering me as we used have sex a lot, we are really adventurous, so it's not like things were dull in the bedroom. I don't consider myself unattractive, and he tells me I'm really beautiful. Last night, for the first time in a month, we were getting frisky, and I was thinking that it was finally going to happen, but he started getting... flaccid... and I asked him what was wrong (he is 18 and still stays with his folks) and he told me he was nervous about his parents hearing, and I said I'd be quiet but he just said sorry and pulled his pants back up. I was lying there, feeling really rejected, scared, and I asked him if that was really the true reason, he said yes, and went to go do something, I started crying, and he came back, we cuddled, he asked me what was wrong and I explained that this was making me feel really really bad about myself, that I felt like I'm not good enough anymore, that I'm ugly and just boring. He told me then that that wasn't it, that he's been having a very low sex drive lately and he feels really unmanly about it, when I said I felt it was my fault he reassured me that it wasn't, he's not one to lie about this. But I still can't help thinking that it's me, I'm the first girl he's been with, and I've just been thinking.. maybe I should let him sleep with someone else.. maybe that will help, maybe he is bored of me... I don't know what to do, I've been researching a lot, but I'm really scared that I'm going to lose him, I'm scared that if we don't sort this out then what happened the other day is going to happen again...

October 7, 2013 - 3:45am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Hi I am going thru a similar situation my boyfriend and I have been together for 4years. We live together and I am 5months pregnant it's been a month and a half since we have had sex and when we did have sex it was because I pretty much forced him into it. I do feel unattractive with me being pregnant and lonely. It it's really the sex it's the intimacy the togetherness I get from it . He says he is tired or we can do it tomorrow. .. I have come to the point of just giving up I am still attractive to other men even while pregnant but it seems not to him. I don't want to leave him I do love him I just don't know what to do anymore.

October 6, 2013 - 4:45pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I'm going through the same thing. I've been with my boyfriend for 4 months and at first we were having sex every day or every other day and we saw each other 4 days a week. In July he started staying with me all the time at my apartment it went down to twice a week then now it's once a week or every 1 days. I asked him about it and he said I ask for it too much and he doesn't want to have sex all the time. He's asked me to allow him to initiate sex and I have but I'm horny all the time and the longer I go the more irritated I get. I thought about buying lingerie and wearing it around the house all the time and see if that helps but other than that I don't know what to do.

October 2, 2013 - 7:18pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

My fiancée and I have been together for almost 5 years. Around our second year out of nowhere, he turned me down for sex on my birthday because he just didn't feel like it. That streak lasted over a year where we would just have sex when he wanted. He improved for a few months and now we still just do it when he wants. We are busy people. No porn as far as I know. I'm pretty sure he masturbates when I'm not around. Because when he gets turned on he has to do it at that moment or it's over. I'm beyond frustrated. He says he loves me, we are getting married in 8 months. Help!

September 25, 2013 - 7:16am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I'm going threw the same thing, but my bf doesn't like porn. I've tried to talk to him about it and I told him I want to be close to him and I feel empty and lonely. He treats me really well. I feel he avoids sex. The last time I had sex almost was a month a ago. I'm pretty, and fit and ex bf`s always ask me out. But I love my bf, but I'm tired of begging for sex, and have stopped asking for sex. I told him it is not normal not to feel desire, or hornet for that matter. I'm so frustrated and tired of getting off by myself.

September 10, 2013 - 10:14am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Hi, I have the same problem. Me and my boyfriend has been together for a year plus now and have not been having sex for more then 3 to 4 month now. He said that he has low sex drive. I understand that but don't you think 3 month is a long time? But the thing is he watch porn online, why? Sometime it makes me feel that I'm not good enought for him, or he no longer interested in me. When ever I ask for IT he always has an excuse. I guess his porn can serve him in sexual ways and I'm here to serve him on his daily needs.

I feel really frustrated sometime, it makes me wonder is he meeting someone else!. Most of the time I feel really mad at him, just the tough of him jerking off by watching porn rather the having sex with me. Uh!.... I love this man so much best relationship I had and he the best thing ever happens to me. Just that sometime I wish he could understand that I want sex not because of just to have fun. I want sex because I miss him, I want to feel closer to him, at the same time it makes me feel special and wanted.

September 5, 2013 - 11:23am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I'm kinda in the same path we only have sex sometime when he want
It's really hard to......we been together for like 2year and he only does
It when he want.....the other thing I don't get is why have a girl friend
And the only watch porn I was just wondering why cause I ant got no
Clue why he does that when got me!?

August 24, 2013 - 2:50pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

My boyfriend's says he has a low sex drive and dosent want sex any more but loves me but watches porn I don't understand if he has no sex drive why watch porn

August 9, 2013 - 5:22am
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