Why Doesn't my boyfriend want to have sex with me anymore?

I am sad to see that so many others have had problems like I've had. I have been married for over 5 years now and I have a 4 year old little girl. We married very young, I was 19 and he was 20. But we deffinately have alot of love for each other, but life can really suck and be just nasty to you sometimes.
We have always had a good relationship, we are best friends. Before we ever got married we had sex alot, we would always joke about how we, fucked like rabbits, pardon my language please. Over the years I had increasingly gotten more and more upset and depressed about the way we were going down hill so fast. My husband became very distant from me, and our sex life started to decrease alot. He really treated me like someone that he just didn't care about, so I became more and more hurt and affected by this all the time. Even one of my friends saw the noticeable difference and was concerned about us. I was not happy at all, with anything in my life, except for my beautiful little girl.
About nine months ago, our sex life went from once a week, to once every other week, and then only once a month if lucky. For a bit over 6 months I had many sleepless nights and cried all the time while he slept peacefully beside me at night. But, one night I finally broke.
I felt complete rejection, which leads to many other bad and negative conclusions about yourself. I constantly wondered what I had done wrong, and what was wrong with me. I thought, ok who is she? Who is he seeing? I am a stay at home mom, going to college, so I stay at home all day driving myself crazy wondering, suspecting, and hating myself and my body. I personally believe that I had some kind of emotional or mental breakdown, but I'm not sure. I realized that I was finally giving up, and that no matter how much I loved him, I deserved a hell of alot better than what I was getting.
Well, I started to be fully honest with him the next day. I told him about a secret of mine, that I have some sort of intuition ability that I am having issues with, which I have never told anyone execpt him now. Ofcoarse everyone thinks your crazy or just nuts if you talk to them about being psychic and having any abilities of that nature, so I hid whatever I could about it. I had already known what he was doing and why we weren't having sex often or almost at all. I just could not stand the part about knowing what it was that he was doing, and having to know and live with the knowledge of it. I became more and more angry at him.
While I was in bed, waiting for him each night, he was in the bathroom wacking his joy stick. But the part that truly killed my self-esteem and feelings about myself, was the part about him getting off on thinking about my best friends and even my worst enemy. Also, there was a little book that I had bought many years before from a sex shop, that he was hiding in the bathroom so that he could go and masterbate to the boob pictures.
Eventually my anger grew so much, at him and myself, that I started going in the bathroom after he came out. Except I would go in there with a sharp hunting knife that belonged to him and start cutting myself. I remember just looking at myself in the mirror and wondering why I was hating on myself. I really did nothing wrong, I just loved and fought for us over and over. I suddenly could not believe what I was doing to myself, over him, a selfish jerk. And I knew that nothing like that would make me feel better, or my situation any better. I was tired of just laying there curled up into a ball, crying each night. I finally wanted to stand up for myself, and take charge of my own life. So I put the knife away, and I never did it again.
The next day, I confronted him about it all. After he lied and lied for quite a while, and made swears after swears on anything and everything, he finally confessed to some of his sins. He had lied and lied to me for the whole existance of our relationship. He had a really bad lusty crush on the girl that I call my enemy and he also made out with her, while we were together, and he had really bad crushes and things for some of my friends. He was finally showing me the real side of him. He eventually became really angry with me, and started to yell and shout for no reason. Now he says that he acted that way out of guilt. After a short seperation, we tried to work through the mess of hurt and disappointment.
He agreed to stop all of his daily masturbating sessions and playing with himself, and to turn his direct attention to his willing and faithful wife(me). Now we have sex every other day mostly. But of coarse I still worry about him getting bored quickly again, and his lustiness for all of these other chicks. My self esteem is still gone, and I have even found myself considering a boob job, just to try and keep his attention and feel wanted by him. I know how bad that is ,and sounds, but it's because my husband is very much a boob man. He admits to it very forwardly too, and any pics he gets off to has to have a nice big big set of them. To make it worse every one of the girls that he lusts after and crushes on, all have really big boobs.
I am trying to be very honest with you, and let you see just how far, I realized, I was willing to go for him. So I obviously love him alot. However, I know that I have to relearn to love myself again (for exactly and naturally who I am) and then I will be able to try and rebuild my self esteen and confidence. This also shows just how badly having very low self-esteem can really get to you. It is honestly going to take me a long time to learn to trust him again, and regain self-esteem and confidence.
While we are still in the day to day process right now, everything is going better, but I still have to remind myself daily that I am still doing everything that I can to fight and make it all work. I hope we work out great, but remember if the worst happens, you are strong and beautiful and can handle anything. I am hoping that this can somehow help someone. Best Wishes and Good Luck.

My boyfriend and I used to have sex every day. We are a 20 and our relationship is just over 4 months. Just recently he basicly stoped wanting to have sex. I asked him about it and he said he doesnt want our relationship to be based on sex. Its been over a month now that we havent had sex, and i was getting sexually frusterated and a little sad that he might not feel the same about me any more. even tho even his best friend told me how much he cares about me. but i think i descoved the reason for his lack of sex drive. He is having money troubles. He has 2 months rent to pay and he is in the negative in his account. I asked him to let me help him because i have the money, but he is very old fashioned and believes he is the man and should be able to take care of himself. So he wont let me help him out and he wont ask anyone else for help either. Any advise on how to get him off his high horse and let me help him, and fix our relationship?

Im going through the exact same thing with my bf. weve been together a year and a half. over the course of about 8 months now, we've had sex less and less. im lucky to get it once a fortnight! and i feel bad for having to ask, 1. i shouldnt have to ask, 2. it makes my self esteem hit the floor when he rejects me.

he did tell me all those months ago, when he started to tell me no, that he felt depressed(over losing his job/his dad passing) and that was the reason for it.
i totally respect that!and iv supported himas much as i can...but after 8 months, of sex once every few weeks(and having to do all the work myself OR having to basically bribe him into it!) i cant handle it anymore!
he'l happily accept oral sex, but doesnt ever want sex with me. and when we do have it, i have to make all the moves, he never comes onto me :(

i understand depression will affect your sex drive, but there must be something wrong?! he doesnt fancy me? he has a problem down there? hes lazy?
Cheating on me is definetly not the problem, i love and trust him 100%
iv tried again and again to get him to open up to me, as i believe a problem shared is a problem halved, but nothing ever comes of it.

i love the satisfaction of pleasing him and dont get why he doesnt want to do the same for me!

i need some advice, as i dont know who to talk to about it, im too embarresed to tell my friends, and he seems to try any excuse to avoid the convo when iv tried to talk to him about it.
i love him so much and just want to sort it out.

Hi Anonymous,

I guess in some aspect becoming comfortable enough with someone is a great thing. You feel comfortable enough that you know he loves you without even asking. That’s a great thing but it is always good to keep the spice alive. Did you ever tell him that you felt this way? I would think that if he loves you, he would remember that you still need these things.

This post has so many comments on it. One thing that is so important in all relationships is communication. If you have that, you can work out anything.

I think its clear to see this is a common problem - i've been with my boyfriend for 5 years and we do love each other - get lots of hugs but sex is a rarity. i never feel special and he never tells me a i look good after spending ages making an effort for him. Its not that he doesn't love me - he just doesn't notice me anymore. In one hand i feel i should be lucky that he loves me so much - yet on the other hand - why should i sacrifice my own happiness. i won't leave him as i don't believe that we have a bad relationship - but i should never feel that a random makes me feel better and worth more than my own boyfriend?

hey honey im a 25 year old guy and would like to punch that sexualy agressive bloke in the face. yes i believe that you should worry just a little, and i mean just a little. i have been with my partner for just over a year now, we use to have sex 2 to 3 times a day, now its pretty bad its been 2 months now since we did last. it has been a big problem with fighting and no self esteem for both. we just the other day spoke about it and i have been diagnosed with depression. personaly i new i had it but was ashamed to talk about it, now it is in the open we are now active again the im free and comfertable with the situation. but mostly my partner has closure and i now think i was pretty selfish not thinking about her but its such a soft spot. and you would never no i had it. so mabee you just need to have a talk. although there is definitly something that needs some assistance. cheers.