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I just deleted my bf's porn stash...for the second time! help!

By Anonymous August 21, 2017 - 4:32pm
 
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I have been dating my bf for over a year now and I knew he looked at porn but I had no idea he was an addict until I moved in with him... He has 3 laptops, 5 desktop PCs and his phone that are LITTERED and I mean littered with porn. Litteraly thats all theyre for 99.999%. Not lying. Not just your basic porn either some pretty weird shit too. Anyways, whenever I leave, even if its for 20mins he looks at it and then frantically gets up and hides everything when I come back. Its so obnoxious and it makes me sick to my stomach all the time because I feel like I can't even walk in a room without having to make noise so he stops what he is doing. So today I left for a work interview and I had this gut feeling when I came back that one of his PCs would be on and he'd have a million tabs open with porn ANNNND I was right. He stepped outside with a friend and out of rage and sadness I deleted about 75% of it and emptied the recycling bin. Now theres no going back. I did this once before and he LOST it on me and he told me to either get use to it or leave. Well I left my family 500miles behind me and have no where else to go, plus I still love him. (we are inseparable together when hes not alone around his PCs... ) so yeah... I'm not sure what I should do. Because HE WILL find out and even though I should not be going through his stuff, I did and idk if I should just break up with him because I know I will never get use to it or if I should get help and try to cope with it. Any advice?

Some more background info: I'm 23 (but mature for my age), he's 36. He had a loveless relationship before me for 8years and that turned into roomates basically and there began his obsession with porn. Another note, we both have high sex drives and do not lack in that department at all. He gets it everyday, multiple times sometimes and like I said before, when he's away from his porn littered PCs we're amazing together, like pb&j

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HERWriter Guide

Hello Anon
Thank you for writing.

Firstly, I want to tell you that if a relationship doesn't work out, you WILL get over it. Doesn't matter if you moved countries for someone. It may not seem so now, nor when going through it, but you will actually move on, especially when you're in your 20s. Life will soon take over. I've been there before, where I thought death would be better than separation but I was busy in my 20s, life took over and all was well. Heck, I could laugh about it pretty quickly!

Moving on to the porn - porn addiction is a very real thing and it sounds like your boyfriend, like any addict, is using as soon and as often as he can and then getting angry and defensive when caught. He doesn't seem to want to change or stop with the porn (and it does get weirder and weirder as time goes on in order to keep satisfying the "high" just like any other addiction) so the ball has to be in your court.

He has already told you where he stands - you accept this or you leave. So you know where you stand. Now it's up to you to accept the porn, or leave. It really does come down to that.
Best,
Susan

August 22, 2017 - 6:45am
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