puppyshow

Same here luv. A significant amount of childhood trauma. Had the gunshot thing in the last 8or 9 years. Been having the door-knocking experience for about 17/18 years. And last night (29/12/'21), I heard a loud bang (similar to a vehicle backfiring), & then a singular loud handclap. It felt like the noise emitted from directly behind me or the other side of my outside wall. For a split 2nd I'd thought it was my downstair neighbor having a pop at me. But shes a particularly straight-talking sober sort. I'd thought I'd somehow rather remissedly stood on her toes or something. I can-be a tad tonedeaf at times & bullheaded. I was inside lying on my sofa (where i sleep), at the time. I'd just then fallen asleep. It was about 4.30 am. And I'd been trying to get my 2nd mobile to work. It keeps showing 'no sim / or searching', it plays up __at least once or twice a fortnight. Early in the day, I'd finally gathered enough courage to potter about in the rain raking the earth & leaf-tidying in my garden. I'd been meaning to do some gardening for days. But i was fear-choked. I suffer from anxiety agoraphobia., fear of self basically__ breathtaking low self-esteem at times. But gardening really helps me (yes, even in the height of winter). I've recently got back into it, after a 4 year hiatus (I'm in my late 50's & i live in the UK). The reason i stopped for so long was, that one of my female neighbors is an incredibly jealous individual, even though she's a gifted gardener herself. She would steal my plants or attempt to ruin or steal anything (small enough) I'd leave in my garden overnight. She'd puncture my plant sprayers & she stole my outside broom & cut down handle down to a 3rd of its original length. She was using it, as a house broom. So, one day. She'd left it outside. And took it back. My 62 year old neighbor, is on steroids, m._@r hi ne & some variant of s_sri. She's also a recovered alcoholic & cancer survivor. Sometimes i get on with her well & she confides all manner of things to me. And i make her cups of tea, if (physically), she's having a bad day. She's told me that, the ...roids make her really angry. And when this happens, it's a-devil of a job to calm down.