Tammyb58

On December 5, 2003, I was stepping out of the snow, onto ice and slipped, lost my balance, flew up into the air and landed on my head when I hit the ice covered, asphalt parking lot. I suffered a severe cerebral concussion to the upper left, back side, of my head. Until that day. My life/health/weight has been in a negative tailspin ever since! Before that I pretty much had my life/health/weight under control. I was 41 years old at the time and had mild depression, but nothing major. As a result of my concussion, I lost my senses of taste and smell. Severe anxiety set in along with paranoia. I could not shake the overwhelming feeling that the whole world, including my children would be so much better off without me in it! All of the memories of the abuse that I had suffered beginning in early childhood and continuing into adulthood overwhelmingly came flooding to the forefront of my brain. While raising my four children all of these thoughts, hurts, and memories had been shoved way to the back of my mind - so I could focus on being the best mother that my children could have. They deserved the best start in this world that I could possibly give them. After all they did not ask to be brought into this world...that was my choice. My mild depression became medication resistant depression. After having to put my sheltie, my best buddy, to sleep because he had one too many seizures...I could not and still cannot get myself back to taking my daily walks. From the stress of everything, I woke up one day with pretty bad rheumatoid arthritis in every joint but my spine. I am now 100 pounds overweight, morbidly obese, as the Doctors put it. I am trying so hard to work myself out of this mind frame. I have so many things going for me. I live in safe, affordable housing. I drive an older, but safe, reliable car. My children and grandchildren are all healthy and happy. I try to count my blessings. Tonight when I stumbled upon this website, I felt a strange feeling of hope! I am very grateful to be a part of this community.