What’s Killing Your Sexual Relationship?

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problems that can kill your sexual relationship

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Have you and your partner been having issues in the bedroom? Does one or the other have a low sex drive and it’s killing your relationship?

It doesn’t have to be this way. You just need to identify the problem and then fix it.

Here’s how.

1. The Killer – Internet Porn Addiction.
Research has proven that men who watch online porn on a regular basis can create the same buzz as gambling, drugs, or any other kind of addiction.

Once he’s hooked, he no longer needs a human sexual partner, he can masturbate his needs away in front of the computer while his partner lies sleeping in the next room.

There’s no way she can compete with internet porn unless she can transform herself into a new woman every night with novel ideas that are next to impossible.

The Fix.
An online porn addict must quit cold turkey before he can see his way clear back into the bedroom. If he needs help to break the habit, convince him to seek counseling and/or attend a Sex Addict Anonymous (SAA) meeting.

2. The Killer - Vibrator Overuse.
Sex is a healthy sport and having a vibrator or two in your bedroom drawer can provide excellent stimulation when you’re a single woman. It can also be a great way to incorporate more excitement when you’re with somebody.

But women often receive more intense orgasms with hand-held vibrating toys because 1) It creates continuous pleasure (as long as the batteries are charged); 2) A women can discover her pleasure points much easier by masturbating than attempting to communicate the right spot to her partner.

Impatience and frustration can be a real libido killer for both parties.

The Fix.
Try a vibrator detox for a week. Hold off on any other stimulation other than with your partner and see what happens. The next time you have sex with your man, communicate your needs and help him find your pleasure points. You may be surprised with the results.

3. The Killer - Erectile Dysfunction (ED).
Older men often suffer from ED because they take medications for high blood pressure, depression or other drugs that brings the blood flow down. Younger men can also suffer from ED from overuse of online porn. Psychological issues can also bring on ED, such as concerns with premature ejaculation.

The Fix.
It’s important for a man with ED to have a conversation with his doctor to rule out any other medical issues. The doctor may also prescribe a performance-enhancing drug such as Viagra, which may be all that’s needed to rectify the problem.

If that doesn’t work, counseling may be helpful in discovering emotional issues that are causing sexual problems.

4. The Killer - Female Sexual Dysfunction
A woman often experiences many hormonal changes in her lifetime, especially during pregnancy and menopause. These changes can cause a variety of conditions from vaginal dryness or painful intercourse to vaginitis or even vaginal atrophy. Women will often make up excuses to avoid sex, which only contributes to the problem.

The Fix.
See your gynecologist immediately to rule out any medical issues and ask for advice or treatment. Treatments for vaginal dryness can be found either over the counter or as prescribed by your doctor. It’s also important to communicate with your spouse, and together, you may work out these issues.

5. The Killer - Low Self Image.
How you perceive your body can often be the culprit with sexual problems. The psyche can be very vulnerable for both men and women. A common problem is weight gain for either party, which can be tough on the self-esteem.

For a woman, not losing the baby fat, or menopausal weight gain can be devastating for the libido. For the man, overeating or excessive drinking can cause lethargy or a lackadaisical attitude. Criticism or self-loathing by either party about body image can be detrimental to a relationship.

The Fix.
Try dieting and exercising together. Join Weight Watchers or a vigorous sports activity. Counseling about building a positive self image can also be considered. The important thing is to get healthy and be nice to each other.

Sources:

It’s not me, it’s us. Scientificamerican.com. Web. 09, July, 2012.
http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=its-not-me-its-us

Cupids Poisoned Arrow. Psychologytoday.com. Web. 09, July, 2012
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cupids-poisoned-arrow

Is Low Self-Esteem Blocking Your Best Sex Life? Yourtango.com. Web. 09, July, 2012
http://www.yourtango.com/experts/dr-stephanie-buehler/body-image-and-sex-letting-your-body-get-way-pleasure

Impotence (Erectile dysfunction). About.com Health topics. Web. 09, July, 2012
http://adam.about.net/reports/Impotence-Erectile-dysfunction.htm

Reviewed July 10, 2012
by Michele Blacksberg RN
Edited by Jody Smith

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We value and respect our HERWriters' experiences, but everyone is different. Many of our writers are speaking from personal experience, and what's worked for them may not work for you. Their articles are not a substitute for medical advice, although we hope you can gain knowledge from their insight.