For some women, when breastfeeding stops, the sadness begins. At least that is what happened to me. But it wasn’t just sadness. It was irritability, lack of patience and physical discomfort. I just wasn't feeling like myself.
It was only in talking with other moms that I realized that these symptoms are more common than I knew. There are so many support groups for women to help with breastfeeding. What about those of us that are quitting?
I made the decision to nurse all three of my children, but prior to having kids I was not very comfortable with the idea of breastfeeding. Although I wasn’t sure that it was right for me, I gave it a chance for the nutritional benefits for my children. I have to say, with each baby, it felt more natural but I was always ready for my baby to graduate from breastfeeding. Or so I thought.
Imagine my surprise when after weaning my 3rd son, I found myself missing the very thing that I never thought I would do. We just celebrated his first birthday. Do I really miss nursing him? Am I emotional because he is growing out of his baby stage? Is it because I believe that he is my last baby and I will never breastfeed again? What is this change that is happening to me? Is it the shift in hormone levels in my body? My head was filled with questions as my heart continued to ache.
It is not only the emotional factors. I’m fatigued, experiencing headaches, soreness in my breasts, and I have PMS-type nausea. This is something that I also never experienced with my other children.
I have found information on women experiencing sadness and guilt after making the decision to quit breastfeeding before a year’s time. There is not much information available for women who have breastfed for a year or longer and then stopped.
For me, it is just helpful to talk about it and know that I am not alone and not crazy. I have a great support group of friends and an understanding husband. With each day that passes, I can feel that things are getting better. My hope is to share my story with other mothers. You are not alone.
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I am glad that it helps you to know that you are not alone. Take good care of yourself and best of luck!
August 19, 2009 - 10:33pm-Susan
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I experienced the same things as Susan. My daughter will be one year on sunday and I wanted to make it to a year, which I have acheived. I was even able to donate 614 oz of milk to 4 different families to help their babies stay on breastmilk longer. My daughter has done quite well with breastfeeding and weaning. I noticed the depression when i cut back from 3 times a day to two. She was having expressed BM with whole milk for the 3rd. She has done quite well and only refused to drink the entire amount of milk given to her twice in nearly a month. I was most depressed during my first period which was quite heavy and lasted 11 days. I have felt a lot better the last few days, so I think it was related to the loss of connection. I would love to have another child, but certainly am not ready for it yet. It did take us more than 4 years to conceive my daughter and then it was using fertility treatments. So there is a very sad reality for me that we may not be able to conceive another child, so I may not experience breastfeeding again. I think a lot of it has to do with the change in hormones. We are just experiencing it a lot later than mothers who never breastfeed or stop very early.
August 18, 2009 - 8:03amThis Comment
Susan, thank you for this wonderful article. I am currently in the process of weaning my first child. The emotions change from day to day and it is comforting to know all that everything that I am feeling is justified, supported and understood by other mothers. Thank you again!
August 12, 2009 - 1:09pmThis Comment
Hi, I am wondering how long your depression has carried on. I never wanted to really stop BFing at 20 months.(I supplemented though after 8 months) I still have little drops of milk after 2.5 yrs (my daughter is 4 now). I realize now that I have been quite attached to the milk. Almost every week I would sqeeze to see if those few drops are still there. In the back of my mind I thought as long as its still active, then in an emergency she can go back to nursing after days of sucking. NOW crap....I am having a hard time with losing that bond. I don't know why now. Maybe because I would love another child and it's too late. Maybe because I understand more about Bf now and wished I had gone on longer. I have decided to stimulate the milk production and pump at least one glass per day for her. It's healthy, she will stay weaned and I will fell like I'm doing all I can to nuture.
July 22, 2009 - 1:06pmThis Comment
It lasted about 2 weeks then I felt like I was back to normal again. Have you thought about contacting your doctor or hers to talk about how you are feeling?
July 22, 2009 - 5:16pmThis Comment
Thank you for this thoughtful article as this is a subject that needs to be talked about, and more women need to know that these feelings are a normal part of the emotional roller coaster of motherhood (e.g. I cried in the parking lot on my first child's first day of pre-school). Breastfeeding is an intense and wonderful bonding experience, and it is natural that we need to adjust emotionally when it ends, just like any other transition in life.
July 16, 2009 - 12:53amThis Comment
Hi I'm wondering how long you breastfeed your children for??? I believe there is a strong bond when breastfeeding, a surrendering of yourself for the babies sack, so there is a grieving for the lose of that bond. If that is too uncomfortable I suggest stopping was too early. Was your baby happy for it to end??? Us humans are mammals after all.
July 14, 2009 - 7:14pmThis Comment
My first son was 6 weeks. My second was almost a year and our third (the only one that I seem to be experiencing these symptoms with) was a year. I quit shortly after his first birthday. He is happy. He enjoys drinking whole milk from a straw and doesn't seem to even miss nursing. Weaning was easy for him. Easier, apparently then for me. Maybe you are right and it is the bonding time that I miss. I thought that I was alone in feeling the way that I was feeling. It surprised me to find out how many other women felt the same and that is why I felt it was important to share my story.
July 14, 2009 - 7:46pmThis Comment