Facebook Pixel

Emotional Aspects of Divorce

 
Rate This
Relationships & Family related image Photo: Getty Images

The divorce rate in the United States is the highest in the world. Fifty percent of all marriages end in divorce. Sixty- seven percent of all second marriages end in divorce. With divorce comes a great deal of pain, sadness and anguish. Men and women go through differences while experiencing the path of divorce. Here are some of the experiences of men and women in divorce:

For women:
Women initiate divorce twice as much as men.

Ninety percent of divorced mothers have custody of their children even if they did not receive it in court.

Sixty-five percent of divorced mothers receive no child support.

After divorce, women experience less stress and better adjustment in general than men. The reasons for this are that: women are more likely to notice marital problems and to feel relief when such problems end; women are more likely than men to rely on social support systems and help from others; and women are more likely to experience an increase in self-esteem when they divorce and add new roles to their lives.

Women who work and place their children in child care experience a greater stigma than men who are in the same position. Men in the same position often attract support and compassion.

For men:
Men are usually confronted with greater emotional adjustment problems than women. The reasons for this are related to the loss of intimacy, the loss of social connection, reduced finances, and the common interruption of the parental role.

Men frequently remarry more quickly than women.

Men who have been involved with their children, have shared parenting roles, and have an understanding of and direct responsibility for activities and expenses of children stay involved in their children’s lives. They are also in greater compliance with child support obligations.

Men are initially more negative about divorce than women and devote more energy in attempting to salvage the marriage.

The decision to end a relationship can be traumatic and filled with contradictory emotions. There are also specific feelings, attitudes and dynamics associated with whether one is the role of the initiator or the receiver of the decision to break off the relationship. It is not unusual for the initiator to experience fear, relief, distance, impatience, resentment, doubt, and guilt. Likewise, when a party has not initiated the divorce, they may feel shock, betrayal, loss of control, decreased self esteem, insecurity, anger, and may wish to reconcile.

The emotional stages of ending a relationship and steps to help you complete your emotional divorce:
-Set the stage at separation: sensitivity and discussion
-Take these early steps:
Make your separation public.
Achieve a balance between change and continuity.
Temporarily remove painful memorabilia.
Do something special to symbolize your new beginning.
-Disengage from your partner in all but parenting roles.
-Take steps towards dislodging your spouse from your mind.
Avoid information about his or her activities.
Avoid the “hope trap”.
-Develop a balanced account of why your marriage ended and acknowledge your role.
-Thoroughly mourn the end of your marriage and your losses.
-Try to let go of your self-defeating anger.
-Take back control of your life through forgiveness.
-Seek out social support.
-Reinvolve yourself; don’t wait until you feel better.
-Work on developing a new identity of your own.
-Work on rebuilding your self-esteem and self-confidence.

Sources: "Divorce and New Beginnings" by Genevieve Clapp, PhD 2010

Add a Comment1 Comments

If you do need mental health help when you're going through your divorce, here is a list of the different types of counseling professionals available: http://www.weinbergerlawgroup.com/blog/newjersey-law-divorce-separation/how-to-find-a-divorce-therapist/

May 27, 2013 - 8:03am
Image CAPTCHA
Enter the characters shown in the image.
By submitting this form, you agree to EmpowHER's terms of service and privacy policy
Add a Comment

We value and respect our HERWriters' experiences, but everyone is different. Many of our writers are speaking from personal experience, and what's worked for them may not work for you. Their articles are not a substitute for medical advice, although we hope you can gain knowledge from their insight.

Relationships & Family

Get Email Updates

Relationships & Family Guide

Have a question? We're here to help. Ask the Community.

ASK

Health Newsletter

Receive the latest and greatest in women's health and wellness from EmpowHER - for free!