The Problem of “The Natural” and “Just Figure It Out For Yourself”
There are those making the rounds in and around the Manosphere, telling men they should not learn Game . The argument goes something like this:
“Game is immoral because players and cads use it to sleep with sluts and low value women. Game is immoral and poison. The “good stuff” can’t be extracted from the “bad stuff”. The only way men should learn masculinity is from their fathers, or from a strong patriarchy. If you didn’t learn it from your fathers, or from good men, well, sorry. Sucks to be you. We don’t have anything else or better for you. Just don’t go near Game.”
The implication of the argument is that women and marriage are only for naturals, i.e., for men who learned “the right stuff” about women either on their own or through sound instruction from other men.
I have no problem with naturals not teaching others what they know. Indeed, most naturals make it very clear they feel no obligation to teach. The objection is not that naturals try to “keep other men down” so that others can’t mimic him.
The problem with naturals is twofold:
1. They take the attitude of “come on, guys! Just get it! Can’t you just be more like me? Can’t you just figure it out?” This isn’t helpful at all, to any man who struggles with learning masculinity. I suspect this is a result of the fact that they have never had any problems with women or masculine assertiveness, and therefore are completely unable to see the gross dysfunctions in the sexual and marriage marketplaces. If such men can’t see the problems in this SMP and MMP, then anything they have to say about it will have little application or use for the man who struggles in this area of his life.
2. They will have a tendency to tell men that they need only be themselves. The natural’s ill-formed advice will be misread by many men as “just be yourself”. Men will conclude wrongly that they don’t have to improve, or change, or discard bad habits in exchange for good ones. This will mislead men into believing they’re doing it all “right”, when they’re not doing it correctly at all; and that they’re actively repulsing women.
As a society, we simply must get past the notion that masculinity is “inherent” in male-born children and adults. A male is not “masculine” simply because he has male genitals. He is not, and it is not. Masculinity must be taught, carefully inculcated and instructed. Men bring boys into their company. Masculinity is passed down first from father to son; then older man to younger man; from grandmaster to journeyman to apprentice; then employer to employee. Only men decide who is and who is not a man.
Thus, they must learn to be men, and the only ones who can possibly teach them to do this are other men. Mothers cannot do it. The single motherhood epidemic is simply ruining many such men; because they are learning their “just be yourself” and “BE NICE!” “masculinity” from their mothers and from female schoolteachers. And naturals either won’t do it; or will give poor advice.
Beware of the natural alpha, who refuses to teach men, and who says “just figure it out for yourself”. There is nothing a man can learn about masculinity from such a man.
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