By beautifullyred123 September 29, 2012 - 4:24am

AT 22 YRS OLD I HAVE FACED MUCH TRAUMA & GUILT WITH THE LOST OF MY CHILDREN. MY FIRST PREGNANCY OCCURED THE FIRST SEMESTER OF MY FRESHMAN YR OF COLLEGE & I PROCEEDED WITH MY FIRST ABORTION ON JAN.5TH.2009 MY 19TH BDAY...APRIL 12TH 2009 WAS THE SECOND & SEPTEMBER 16TH I AGAIN BECAME PREGNANT & HAD YET ANOTHER ABORTION BUT THIS TIME WITH TWINS..LIFE SEEMED TO MOVE ON BUT I REMAINED WITH THE CHILDREN I HAD MURDERED, DURING ALL THE ABORTIONS I WAS ALONE BOTH IN SURGERY & RECOVERY AND UNTIL LAST YEAR NO1 BUT THE FATHER & HIS FAMILY KNEW. FOR SO LONG I HELD MY SECRET BECAUSE THE GUILT & PAIN MADE IT TOO HARD TO EVEN SPEAK ABOUT I WAS SO DISTRAUGHT I COULD NOT LOOK AT ANY BABIES FOR AT LEAST A YR. NOVEMEBER 2010 I FOUND OUT I WAS PREGNANT & HAD MADE UP MY MIND I WAS NOT KILLING THIS 1 BUT A MONTH LATER I AHD A MISCARRIAGE AT A FAMILY BARBECUE & WAS COMPLETELY DEVASTATED. THE DOCTORS TOLD ME I WOULD PROBABLY NEVER CONCIEVE AGAIN BUT I DID! I GAVE BIRTH TO A BABY BOY MARCH 8TH, 2012 & HE IS MORE THAN I COULD HAVE EVER HOPED FOR!!! SOMETIMES I DONT THINK HE IS REAL TRULY BELONGS TO ME BECAUSE I HAVE LOST SO MANY BABIES BUT HE IS THE ONE I CARRIED FULL TERM & DELIVERED...IM N COUNSELING FOR THIS RIGHT NOW & TO ENSURE I AM THE BEST MOTHER I CAN BE FOR HIM. I STILL HAVE DREAMS OF BEING ON THE BEACH WITH LITTLE CHILDREN WITH NO FACES-THE BABIES I CARRIED BUT NEVER GOT TO SEE OR MEET & IT SCARS ME BUT DAY BY DAY THINGS GET A LITTLE BETTER & IM SO VERY GRATEFUL TO HAVE MY SON AFTER ALL THE OPPORTUNITIES I TOOK FOR GRANTED & GAVE AWAY. I THOUGHT I WOULD NEVER BECOME A MOTHER BUT LOOKING AT HIM I KNOW TO NEVER SAY NEVER AGAIN