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I want to talk about church

By September 28, 2010 - 1:48pm

I am a christian, and hence when I became very ill in 2004 I seemed to lose my place of worship and have not been able to overcome it. It is like passion is gone and i want to build it up again but when I enter church I become so sensitive and begin crying and my emotions just take over. The songs are beautiful and I want to sing them but it begins to hit the heart strings and it is like at that moment that I am falling apart or something I cannot explain why this is happening. You know I love the Lord with all my heart and I do a lot of personal bible study for personal growth. And it became a little worse after having a premature baby. My emotions a running wild and I want it to stop, and I don't know how to control it. I have tried meditation but I am feeling so wearisome to enter church because I do not know what my feelings are going to do. What should I do? Do you have any suggestions?

By January 28, 2011 - 9:43am

I know exactly how you feel. I feel that as well.I miss it so much and want to feel that way again.It feels like it was a dream. i just don't know how I got from there to here! So want to find my way back!

January 28, 2011 - 9:43am
By January 25, 2011 - 9:06am

Hi mebabs2008,
Yes it is work for now, it completely makes sense. And that's OK. In time it may become easier--with time and patience. You are definitely moving in the right direction, don't you think so? I bet it was really neat for you to go through your Dad's bible. I'm sorry for your loss. You surely are going through a period of mourning and growth right now. I'm glad you were able to help with your niece's class. Sounds like that was just what you needed that day. I bet you will read, pray, dance, sing, and clean house again, and you will enjoy it. In time. Stay the course. Come back to "talk" anytime.

January 25, 2011 - 9:06am
By January 24, 2011 - 2:18pm

I well I still consider myself a christian guess you can say lukewarm. Maybe that is why I think I am getting depressed. Sunday I was helping my neice with her christian ethics class. I grabbed my late dads bible (he passed nov 1, 2010) and my bible. I helped her iwth it and I was like wow joy a stiring in my heart. I was reading what my dad had highlighted and I got happy because it was what he read at ne point or another. I just wish I could be happier though if that makes sense I wish that I can get more with god and have that personal relationship that i once had with him. I will eventually but I remember when I didnt have to work for it. I mean feel like I had to work for it. I miss waking up at 6 am just to read, pray, dance , sing and clean house because i was so happy with god. Now I feel like I have to work for it...does that make sense? I am just blabbing..ehehehe sorry

January 24, 2011 - 2:18pm
By October 25, 2010 - 1:30pm

I'm sorry you are enduring this. Growing up, religion was a big part of my life. Throughout college and during my 20s through early 30s I didn't practice religion very much (christmas/easter), but always felt like I would go back regularly at some point. I didn't feel like I had much use for religion during that time, and preferred to instead do my own personal praying and meditating on my own time, not as a part of a congregation or parish. After going through a miscarriage five years ago, my husband and I decided it was time to go back to church. I remember sitting there in service with tears streaming down my cheeks almost every sunday--it would take the littlest thing to get the tears rolling (I tried to be very discreet, and rarely had to leave the sanctuary). I feel like people probably noticed, and wondered what I was crying about, but I'm not sure I cared much, I wanted to be there, and just wanted to sit and absorb things. I couldn't sing either. It took a few months (and getting pregnant again) before I could sit through a service without tearing up. I don't think there's anything wrong with it.
Besides for the church aspect, have you been involved in any post-partum counseling? Or have you discussed your emotional state with your OB/GYN? Do you think it's bad enough to consider medication? Following my miscarriage, I wished I had gone to group counseling or some other talk therapy. I had post-partum then, and I ended up getting it again after having my son in '06. After going through counseling, I was a lot stronger, and after delivering my son in '08, I didn't get nearly as emotional.
I hope this too is a outlet for you, but would you consider pursuing other avenues? I have found from experience that the best way to tackle this sort of problem (for me anyway) is to work it from as many angles you can. It's good you're asking the question--that's definitely a step in the right direction. Work with someone at your church (do they have Stephen Ministers?), work with someone at your doctor's office, work with your partner, family, friends. And pack a lot of tissue...you can get through this--these things take time, and patience. How is your little premie?
Please let us know how else we can help you...this is good discussion! :)

October 25, 2010 - 1:30pm

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