I feel pitiful
There are times when i'll suddenly feel like crying, but i dont know why. Sometimes i think back on things and wonder why i did that and how i could have prevented that from happening..then there are times where i think of just ending it all and i'll have to urge to do it, but because i dont like being in pain i dont do it. I feel so horrible because there isn't a person out there in this world who fully or actually knows me, because since I was little i've tried to fill in this empty hole in my heart and what i would do was make up things about my life, like i was rich and had nine brothers and we lived in this really huge house. But then i was ready to change things around but couldn't cause i was so stuck in my life of lies. I dont have any really close friends, i dont have anyone who i can confide in. I feel like i'm all by myself in this world.Some times i wonder "why me" and want to cry my eyes out. some times i wish there was someone for me to talk to, someone i could tell my whole life story to, but at the same time I don't like people getting to close to me because i always seem to be the one who gets back stabbed. I seem to be getting closed up in this dark hole and i cant seem to get out and it's making me lose it little by little. I want to see a therapist but my family isn't really into the whole "i'm depress, i need to see someone" type of thing, even though i havent talked to them, nor have they said it directly..i just know how they are..what should i do?
Hi A'din,December 27, 2010 - 10:19am
Welcome to EmpowHER! I am so glad you are here. This is a great network of women who are here to inspire and support you in what you are going through. We are not judgmental, and just want to see you happy and healthy. So please, lay it on us. Share whatever you're comfortable sharing, and we'll try to respond in kind and provide resources for you to seek guidance in your local area. It takes great courage to reach out like you are, and take steps forward. Please know we believe you deserve to be happy, have the life you desire, and with some work, you may find it will come in time.
Do you have a doctor? Would you go see them and explain your situation and how you are feeling. I'm positive they also would be a great resource for helping you get through this.
You may feel stuck now, but you can get through this.
Here is some information that may be of interest:Depression Articles and Information. You also may want to check out other threads in this Depression Group for additional resource ideas and to connect with others like you.
If you ever get the "urge" to hurt yourself or someone else, please go to the emergency room immediately so they can help you deal with those symptoms--it can be a scary thing, but know yourself and get help if you need it. Here are additional resources in that regard as well: More Depression Resources
Good luck and let us know how you are doing/how we may provide better support.