Open or Closed Adoption?
I wanted to get opinions concerning your feelings on open or closed adoptions. As you go through the adoption process, are you willing to have your adopted child know that they are adopted and to have the knowledge of their biological roots?
I ask this because as I found out about my adoption, a gush of emotions ran through my mind and body. But, all in all I am so blessed to have had the family I had. I wish I had the ability to know my biological roots. I had to go through genetic testing when I was pregnant and I didn't have any information to offer. So, not that I want to reunite with anyone, but it is nice to know where you came from and what your roots are.
What are your thoughts?
I gave up my rights to my oldest daughter back in 2006. This happened before she turned 10. It is a long story about how I got to that point. The State had a big part in what led up to it. The State had suggested doing it and that they would make sure they found a family that would agree to open adoption. They moved my daughter down to live with the family they found. It was a not a good fit, so she was moved again. Out of state, and with a family who wanted to be anonymous. They adopted her a short time later.
She is going to be 16 this year. My hope is that the parents and the state didn't fill her head with stories. I wanted to keep her. Her behaviour was unsafe for her and her sister. I had already lost them both once and didn't want it to happen again. Despite the legality, I still consider her my child. Not a day goes by that I don't think about her. My hope was that in being with a family that could give her undivided attention, she might learn to control the anger that led her to act out. I didn't even know she had autism before I signed the paper. They diagnosed her later.
Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that. There are always two sides to a story, bearcop. Don't be afraid of learning about your birth parents. My father had been put in foster care when he was just 18 mo. old. His mother went on to marry and have another child, but never went back for him. He was never adopted, but was raised by the foster parents. They were good people. I grew up thinking they were my grandparents. Now with the mental illness that has manifested itself in my brothers and myself, I wonder. It's too late though to find out any history, since my bio. grandparents are most likely gone. It's not too late for you.April 21, 2012 - 10:56pm
Thank you for your input. I really appreciate it.
PamFebruary 10, 2012 - 9:10pm
I have not heard anything further about her. All I know is that she was in NH Special Olympics, she played clarinet, she was learning to play piano, and she loved sports. I have Borderline Personality Disorder. I take wellbutrin and celexa for my depression and mood swings. During the time when my children were in foster care, I took anger management and parenting classes. I passed both with flying colors. Since 2004, I have come a long way. I am a much better parent than I ever was. I pray one day that, after my oldest daughter is of age, I will see her again. I still love her very much. Her sister has a picture of her (from back when she was 11) in her school locker. She misses her.
Thanks for your reply!
SuzanneApril 28, 2012 - 5:33pm