Anyone with a newspaper can tell you that scientists are on an everlasting labyrinthine quest to figure women out. Science is particularly obsessed with quantifying women’s sexuality; apparently our needs are much more complex than that of men, with the chief difference being our brains and their role in sexual arousal.
The latest attempt to understand the divine feminine comes in the form of a study named DESIRE, which stands for Desire and its Effects on female Sexuality Including Relationships (catchy, isn’t it?). Researchers gathered a massive pool of over 65,000 women between the ages of 18 to 88 in France, the UK, Spain, and Italy. Then they cut out anyone who didn’t suffer from debilitating, life-impairing low libido, which left about 7,500. After some sweet talking, cajoling, and strategic and targeted hug-o-grams, they finally got about 1,100 women to sit down and spill their guts.
I’ve gotta tell you, these scientists went deep. They poked, they prodded, they observed, and they deduced. They poured liquid into beakers and then turned it into a solid and then dumped it into an oversize jar of formaldehyde to preserve it for all of eternity. They congregated in the break room to snicker about Clancy’s weird eye twitch whenever he went to the bathroom. They worked hard and it was a really big deal.
Finally, they typed up a lab report and faxed it over to Fox News where the assistant Vice President of banana shucking gave it a once-over and yelled “Stop the presses!” to no one in particular. Somehow the study made its way onto the internet vis a vis PressRelease.com and spread a prolific and groundbreaking nugget of profundity to anyone who would listen but mostly confused and horny dudes looking for porn: any woman who doesn’t want to put on lacy underwear and bump uglies in rapid succession with the mailman, the UPS guy, and any other semi-groomed but hairy and vivacious male who happens to walk by is...ready for this?
Yup. They’re stressed out. Actually, not just stressed out, but stressed out to the max. And those weird things that are at the root of women’s wild shenanigans and incoherent period-related rants…what are they called? Emotions! Yeah, emotions, those are the other things that get in the way of what could otherwise be a lifelong brownie-fueled boinkfest.
Thank goodness for this study. Who would have guessed that women who have zero interest in sex are having emotional problems as well? Not yours truly, that’s for sure.
So there you have it. That just about wraps up this week’s edition of Scientists Studying Women like a Foreign Species and Being Genuinely Shocked When They Behave like Humans. Aren’t you glad the mystery is over?
Add a Comment3 Comments
I agree I get done working, pick my child up from daycare run home make supper do dishes, Im stressed out. Then someone crawling in bed next to me sayin "Ya wanna" oh yes puts me in the mood! Sometimes I dont think its a libido issue or stress. Its a relationship issue.October 27, 2011 - 3:29pm
Extremely humorous and so true. It's what I would write if I didn't have to wear the mantle of a doctor. I'll link to this from my blog. Yes, it's so obvious but tell that to Big Pharma.February 25, 2010 - 11:14am
Dr. Stephanie Buehler
I think you are so off base with your post. Low Libido is a HUGE problem with women and the medical/pharma field has not spent many resources to research the problem up to recently. The pills to enhance male sexuality have been out for years and now finally women are getting their due in this area. I think it's about time that medicine is studying this problem which has been an issue among thousands of women. Sexuality is a basic need for both men and women. There are a few drugs which are in the final clinical trial stages which may be a solution for female low libido. They may not be a fit for every one but at least women suffering with this will have some options to consider and try. There could be many reasons for a woman's low libido but it's important that women today stop suffering silently and understand that good sex has tons of positive health, mental benefits. With a little research by women (and the right help) they can most times improve their libido. Far too many just put this problem off and don't understand the importance of a good sex life. Any one else have any thoughts on this topic?
ShellyFebruary 24, 2010 - 11:49am