Having read many forums I decided to share my story because I really do not know where else to go and I want other women to know that your husband not wanting sex is absolutely nothing to do with you. I have been married for 6 years to a lovely man but year after year he has become more withdrawn, he is kind and patient and a good laugh at times. Yet I am so very lonely, because there is no emotional connection, sex is something that happens when he wants it every 2 to 4 months and that's not really a marriage. We are very close and he honestly is my best friend, the thought of leaving him devstates me but I really think its comming. We happily went to clinical counselling and I honestly thought that it was work stress or depression that was in the way of our intamacy. What a shock I got! My husband suffers not only from depression but a severe anxiety disorder, to read about anxiety orders is frightening I don't know how he copes he has a successful job and life but really it's a wonder how he has managed. I like many of you thought that I was the problem, I wasn't pretty enough, my boobs were small, I wasn;t funny enough, I was annoying BS! It took 3 sessions with a clinical psychologist to see I wasn't the problem it was him. This has been heart breaking and he is now seeing several specialists and taking the necessary medication. I wish that was it, that I could cope with but I have since been told that he has no emotional intelligence. Many will not know what that is, look it up it might explain why so many of your husbands act in a simillar way. Basically he has no idea about anyone but him self, he cannot understand emotion, tears, love the way we can. I don't think that will change with the meds and teh counselling. I could stay but we have no children and I would like children, it's not even that we are not have enough sex to conceieve but that there is a possibility that they will be the same it's actually genetic or that he can't love them imagine a parent that cannot be touched by there own children. My husband can touch you but you can't touch him, it's in his brain he feels itchy or like something is crawling on him. The counsellor said he can desenstize, lets see. I will give it one year of meds and counselling, I do not relish the prospect of being on my own and at 32 I feel like I have wasted so many years trying to help someone who needs proper care. I am a strong believer in that anything is possible, that he can change if he wants me badly enough, he says he does but can you really stay with someone who has to learn how to act to love you.
He loved me before so why not now....ask the psychologist, it's really complicated!
Stay or go, i'm utterly confused
But to all of you out there, hold on to your self confidence and think about seeing a clinical psychologist!
Good luck
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Hi, my husband also doesn not like to be touched and we have initmacy issues. This is what led me to search on the internet and led me to this forum. I could not understand why rubbing or kissing parts of his body (i.e. arms) is very annoying for him. When we started dating our sex life was okay but 4 months after his friend died and since then our sex life changed. Very very little to no sex for long periods of time. He did admit he got depressed and saw a psychologist a couple of time although i dont know if the sex part was discussed in their sessions. At that time he was also stressed at work and during confrontation he mentioned that having to perform adds to his stress. Now ue has a very unstressful job amd he seems like he is not depressed anymore (it has been 5 yrs since his depression started). But our sex issues still continue. I know he watches porn because i caught him one time and he said that it has always been this way for him since puberty. I dont think I can change that but it makes me feel very insecure for us to have no sex and he continues to watch porn and masturbate. I wouldnt mind watching porn with him if we had a healthy sex life, you know? At one point he said that he has developed an aversion to sex and he’s been reading about it. H knows that there is something wrong with him but I cant help but lose my confidence and self-esteem every single day. I try to keep it together and tell myseld it’s not me but I dont feel beautiful or sexy anymore. I dont know what self-research or study he is doing. All i know is that we only have sex whenever he wants to. And he doesnt even look at me when we have sex. And in the few time that we do I feel like im doing all the work while he just lies down the whole time and not looking at me. It’s usually painful
November 6, 2017 - 6:31pmfor me physically because there is not enough foreplay. Im very affectionate and I like to be touched. I like foreplay and seduction and enjoy the act of lovemaking. I try to be thankful and appreciative of him everytime we have sex but there is also a conflict that I am not enjoying when we have sex. A small part of me is happy to know my husband still desires me but our sex seems only for his pleasure and not for mine.
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i have been living with a man for the past two years. At first, I felt the relationship was all about sex. We would literally have intercourse daily. We have had our problems, he did go out with another woman when we were in the dating phase, I caught him on a dating website 2 months after he moved in, found out that he's bisexual and has a porn addiction. In the last 6 months, we average sex once a month, but it appears like its a chore for him. He would much rather masterbate to porn than touch me. I know he watches it on a daily basis because I can see it in his internet history. He says his lack of interest is because of his hypertension, he got meds..... No change, he got off the meds...... Nothing. I gained 30 pounds last year dealing with all the stress and turning to food for a crutch. He says that he is still attractive to me but I honestly don't think he has ever been attracted to me. He never tells me and he's always looking at other women. He's unemployed right now and living rent free. Although he gave me a ring and asked me to marry him, I think I've always just been his free ride. I try to talk to him about all this but he just brushed it off and changes
May 15, 2016 - 1:33pmThe subject. It seems he is still hung up on his ex wife because their relationship seems a little too friendly. I don't if I'm crazy and I'm making things worse in my head then what they seems. I'm lonely and we feel like roommates. I love him but I feel like there has to be something better out there.
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Im going through the same thing with my (older) husband. He dosent like to be touched, kissed, or held period. And I am a very affectionate woman I feel unwanted and pushed away when in try to hold him or kiss him and sometimes he will literaly push me away or laugh and move me away.This shit is really pissing me off. I NEED to be held and kissed and he knows that . I dont think he cares about how I feel just as long as I do what Im supposed to do when he says so.
June 17, 2014 - 4:58pmI really need some help because I need phisical love from the man who says he loves me and wants to make me happy like I do him. Its not fair for all his needs to be met and not mine.
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Wow when I started reading your story I felt it was me writing it. I am in the situation and don't know what to do. Do you think he might be having an affair?
February 25, 2014 - 9:27amThis Comment
no i dont we spend all our time together i do trust that hes not having an affair
June 17, 2014 - 5:00pmThis Comment
Hi Anonymous
Thank you so much for sharing your story. This is a question we get on the site almost daily, and having a new perspective will surely help others.
Good luck to you and your husband. It sounds like you have the strength it takes to do what you need to do.
August 25, 2010 - 6:40amThis Comment
hello are you listening this is anonymous
June 18, 2014 - 2:00pmThis Comment