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We've been dating for over a yer now but in the last few months our sex has drastically decreased at first started to go down from at least 1-2 times a day for at least 5 months and then it went down to 1-2 times a week and then to 1-2 times a month and now it's been a month and a half since we've had sex. I've read a few articles about this allready, but none seem to fit my problem exactly. I was worried for a while that it might be me that was the problem and but he told me it wasn't and i know he wouldn't lie to me. I've asked him about it but he says theres nothing wrong. I just don't know what to do anymore. He's only a year older than me and he's suppose to be in hes prime. Is there anything I can do? I Haven't pressured him or anything because I dont want him to do it just to shut me up. I want him to want to. and I'm just not satistied anymore and im not asking for everyday, at this point once or twice a week would be nice. A far as I know there's nothing he's stressed about at work or school, could it be a cobination of the 2? or something else going on that I don't know about? and please keep in mind that im am searching for help and advice and I don't want to hear find a new boyfriend. I love him and im not leaving him, even if it means were not going to have sex anymore. But it's frustration for the time being as I find it a tad odd that I want it more than he does. and I don't really want to talk to any of my friends abotu it because I live in a small town and this is personal and I don't need everyone talking about it. and the last thing I want him to feel is embarassed. I havn't told anyone of my friends but I'm in need of some advice. Any Ideas?
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Add a Comment1230 Comments
Me and my boyfriend havent had sex in over 2 months, We kiss, cuddle, tell each other I love you..And i know he truly loves me too, but sometimes i get scared ..cause why else would he not wants to have sex with me?, he used to always want it, what made it stop ? thinking of all of this, thinking that its maybe me..my fault, im not attractive enough , fat ...makes me upset. Im not ugly im not fat but it makes me think like that, i cant concentrate in school sometimes, I try not to beat myself up with this problem but i cant stop. Everytime i ask him " how come yu dont tell me yu want anymore? " he doesnt answer, he gets all awkward with that question and tells me that if i keep bringing it up it will push him to not have sex with me...he says im pressuring him. I love him and im scared cause he's the only one i have, litereally. I wish i never had sex with him because i wouldnt be sad like this.
April 12, 2010 - 7:54pmThis Comment
I hate to say this, but I had an extremely sexual relationship with my boyfriend in the beginning of our relationship then it tapered off to an almost non-existent one. I thought it was me... thought a million things... then I found some sex tapes in his house (which is where I was living) hidden away... but they were of men!!! I think there's always another possibility like mine, that he may have deeper issues and with my boyfriend, a sexual identity problem... ?????
April 12, 2010 - 12:27pmThis Comment
My wife and I have been married for 33 years. She fell out of love with me. I have lost 28 pounds. Our divorce goes final Friday. Not all men are brutal. I have been totally devastated. I was faithful, loving and have no other desires for any other woman. Some people are just cruel
April 12, 2010 - 10:53amThis Comment
I'm in the same boat as many others. I initially started my relationship knowing that my partner had a hard time having an erection, but I was sympathetic of his situation. After he went off his anti-anxiety meds we simply have stopped having sex as time has gone on. I have confronted the situation numerous times and it just seems to make him more upset and more anxious. Today he finally told me that the more I address the issue the less he wants to have sex with me. I felt like all the air in my lungs was sucked out and I couldn't breathe. All I want is to be held and loved and for him to desire me. I have never had a lack of intimacy in my relationships and this is coming from a man I deeply love. I am well aware that I am attractive and have a lot to offer a partner. Now not only do I feel unloved and unworthy, but I feel like he is punishing me for wanting affection and intimacy. I just want to feel loved. I feel so desperate and ashamed.
April 11, 2010 - 10:47amThis Comment
lovehanaemori,
Welcome to EmpowHer, and thank you so much for writing.
I'm so sorry that you're having a tough time with this situation. When and why did your boyfriend go off of his anti-anxiety medication? You mention that as being closely related with when you really stopped having sex. Is his anxiety problem severe? Is he dealing with depression as well? Is he being treated by a doctor?
I ask because those kinds of things can have a big effect on the libido. And I'm sure that confronting the situation, while it seemed direct and communicative to you, just made it worse for him if it was something he was already feeling bad about.
There seems to be a lot going on here. This seems to be at a really important point for you. Is it a breaking point? He is being honest with you when he says that the more often you bring up the situation, the less it inspires you. But that breaks your heart. He wants you to leave the situation alone for now; you want him to be involved and affectionate. You feel attractive and that you have a lot to offer, but then you say you feel unworthy, desperate and ashamed.
There's nothing to be ashamed of here, lovehanaemori. Your boyfriend has a problem. He has a problem with anxiety and he has a sexual issue that he had even before you. Neither of these is going to be easy to solve quickly. And it won't help the situation if you feel that it's all about you. It's not. It's about him, mostly.
Do you believe he still wants to be in this relationship?
Do you think that the anxiety problem has gotten worse since he went off his meds?
Most importantly, does HE want to change things about your situation?
April 12, 2010 - 10:23amThis Comment
You're not the only one. Of course it's normal for people in a relationship to have less sex after a certain point. I haven't had sex with my boyfriend for over three weeks, and I'm a very sexual person. My boyfriend is always 'too tired' to have sex. Lame? I know right? If it's bothering you that much, you need to bring it up again but kind of stress the urgency on it. Don't seem angry, just seem really hurt and upset. A friend of mine told me that she just forces herself on her boyfriend and apparently that works with her, but not necessarily for everyone else. Everyone is different and if you force yourself on him, he could get upset. Or...other suggestion, get a vibrator until things get better. Good luck!
April 10, 2010 - 9:57pmThis Comment
I am having the same issue with my partner.. It just seems like so long since we have been together that i dont even know where to start anymore. I get all anxious about it, and i think he does too. We just kiss and cuddle, tell eachother that we love eachother all time.. we do have a close emotional bond but no sexual one.. It makes me doubt myself all the time. Am i too fat? Too boring? But i dont want to go down that track because im tired of beating myself up all the time. I dont think its an individual thing in my case. Its that WE arent connecting properly and i dont know why..
April 9, 2010 - 8:19amThis Comment
Let me just say if you put on 10 lbs and your man thinks your hideous he obviously isnt the man you need...!!Big girls are sexy dont put yourself down!! Hello embrace your inner sexy! Take a Break from blaming yourself...Me and my boyfriend live together and it got to damn stressful...but when i went to my moms for two weeks it was so much better, I came home and he wanted it more than ever...Dont let him take you for granted<3
April 26, 2010 - 8:15pmThis Comment
I think in any healthy relationship you should be able to openly talk about your sex life. If not you should still be able to speak to your partner about your feelings. I talk to my husband about everything and dont get me wrong we do not agree on everything by any means. But we do our best to understand and respect each others feelings. Everyone deserves to have there feelings taken into consideration, especially when it comes to your sex life.
April 7, 2010 - 5:14pmThis Comment
what if talking about it puts him in a weird position and also pushes away the chance of having sex again ?
April 7, 2010 - 3:21pmThis Comment