Welcome to EmpowHer, and thank you so much for writing.
I'm so sorry that you're having a tough time with this situation. When and why did your boyfriend go off of his anti-anxiety medication? You mention that as being closely related with when you really stopped having sex. Is his anxiety problem severe? Is he dealing with depression as well? Is he being treated by a doctor?
I ask because those kinds of things can have a big effect on the libido. And I'm sure that confronting the situation, while it seemed direct and communicative to you, just made it worse for him if it was something he was already feeling bad about.
There seems to be a lot going on here. This seems to be at a really important point for you. Is it a breaking point? He is being honest with you when he says that the more often you bring up the situation, the less it inspires you. But that breaks your heart. He wants you to leave the situation alone for now; you want him to be involved and affectionate. You feel attractive and that you have a lot to offer, but then you say you feel unworthy, desperate and ashamed.
There's nothing to be ashamed of here, lovehanaemori. Your boyfriend has a problem. He has a problem with anxiety and he has a sexual issue that he had even before you. Neither of these is going to be easy to solve quickly. And it won't help the situation if you feel that it's all about you. It's not. It's about him, mostly.
Do you believe he still wants to be in this relationship?
Do you think that the anxiety problem has gotten worse since he went off his meds?
Most importantly, does HE want to change things about your situation?
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lovehanaemori,
Welcome to EmpowHer, and thank you so much for writing.
I'm so sorry that you're having a tough time with this situation. When and why did your boyfriend go off of his anti-anxiety medication? You mention that as being closely related with when you really stopped having sex. Is his anxiety problem severe? Is he dealing with depression as well? Is he being treated by a doctor?
I ask because those kinds of things can have a big effect on the libido. And I'm sure that confronting the situation, while it seemed direct and communicative to you, just made it worse for him if it was something he was already feeling bad about.
There seems to be a lot going on here. This seems to be at a really important point for you. Is it a breaking point? He is being honest with you when he says that the more often you bring up the situation, the less it inspires you. But that breaks your heart. He wants you to leave the situation alone for now; you want him to be involved and affectionate. You feel attractive and that you have a lot to offer, but then you say you feel unworthy, desperate and ashamed.
There's nothing to be ashamed of here, lovehanaemori. Your boyfriend has a problem. He has a problem with anxiety and he has a sexual issue that he had even before you. Neither of these is going to be easy to solve quickly. And it won't help the situation if you feel that it's all about you. It's not. It's about him, mostly.
Do you believe he still wants to be in this relationship?
Do you think that the anxiety problem has gotten worse since he went off his meds?
Most importantly, does HE want to change things about your situation?
April 12, 2010 - 10:23amThis Comment
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