Why do men hide that they jerk off?

By Anonymous November 25, 2018 - 8:42pm

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I found lube in the bathroom and ever since I watch the bottle to see how often it moves which is like everyday and it drives me nuts !! He works nights we hardly ever see each other only on the weekends. When I want sex he says no he’s to tired and it’s his excuse every time! Even though he jerks idc right after I ask for it.. I brought it up one night asking why he never wants sex he says I turn it into a chore for him like doing the dishes like wtf?! We have sex like once every 7 months and asking once in that time frame I get rejected. I just feel hurt any opinion on this? Is it normal for men to hide that they jerk off in the bathroom and not talk about it when asked about it? We just got married 5 months ago I need help!

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SusanC HERWriter Guide

Hello Anon

Thank you for writing and I'm sorry you're going through this.

It sounds like this has been going on for a long time - it's a pity you got married without both of you working on this first.

We can't say why your husband is choosing masturbation over sex with you but I suspect he is watching porn on his phone while masturbating and this has taken over his life. Porn is seriously addictive.

But if he won't answer you truthfully or admit there is a problem, he'll keep blaming you - that you are nagging him, forcing the issue etc. That way he makes you think you're the problem, when you're not. This is a manipulative tool people use when they don't want their secrets known or their addictions made public.

You don't have to put up with this. Counseling for yourself may help lead you in the right direction.

We wish you the best and please keep us posted.

Best,
Susan

November 26, 2018 - 4:23am