Why did my boyfriend blindside breakup with me?

By Anonymous May 22, 2019 - 2:00pm

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All was well with my boyfriend of close to a year and a half. We loved each other, he had dreams that we were trying to fulfill one by one. My daughter saw him as a step father. All was well. And all of a sudden the day before mother's day he seemed perfectly fine and sweet to me when I got in from work and then he just spiralled down talking about his life, he isn't where he should be by now, and then he didnt want me to touch him....I tried to kiss him he blew air in my face..yelled at me and just demanded to sleep. I assumed he was drinking. I told him that we have a property to view the next day and he yelled at me saying that we will not be moving in together and its done. I have been lost...confused..my daughter asked him to fix it he sent her a cryptic message that something is wrong with him and no one can help him. He sort of has a legal citizenship issue that I wonder if that is what is bothering him. He spoke about being homesick (but we had plans to go to his country next year). Over the weekend despite my daughter pleading to fix it and she will miss his extended family he has just apologized to her and said nothing further. I have been on a mental breakdown, lost, confused, I know his cousin wasn't a fan of us because he was single and theres always that misery loves company mess. But it MAKES NO SENSE..like aside from a few little arguments everything was FINE....

I don't know if he started selling drugs...or using drugs...he has been saying wierd things like he wants to "Make money and blow money..and club"....

I cry off and on. This man knew that my self and my daughter came out of an emotional abusive relationship and promised us he wouldn't hurt us...now I am at a loss...ladies...help
(BTW...I know my mental state is out of whack and I have already made an appointment with a therapist...)

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SusanC HERWriter Guide

Hello Anon

Thank you for writing.

I'm sorry your daughter viewed your boyfriend as a step-father. You were not together very long (18 months) so she must be feeling very hurt.
Since we don't know you or him, we cannot guess as to why he broke up with you. But if he has citizenship issues and possible access to drugs, then something is going on that he is not telling you. Only he can tell you why the relationship is over - it would be good if he would talk to you about this but it's his choice whether to do so or not. I do hope therapy can help you.
Best,
Susan

May 22, 2019 - 2:40pm

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Anonymous (reply to SusanC)

Thank you Susan for your response.
I have tried top to bottom to seek an answer from him. He refuses to give me one. Matter of fact the way in which he even communicates to me is so bizzare. Its so harsh and rude. It's hard to believe this is the guy that not too long ago said he loved me and can't wait to have a family together. All of a sudden his behavior changes out of nowhere. Even in text he was very rude. Even when I mentioned my daughter birthday is going to be ruined he just said "sorry to hear". No feel no emotion. Nothing. Her and I are left so lost. So broken.

May 23, 2019 - 11:44am

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SusanC HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)

Hi Anon

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

It sounds like something rather big happened that you don't know about.

It could be a few things - he is in trouble and wants to protect you both by ceasing all contact.

Or for his own reasons, has decided to end the relationship.

Either way, he is not being honest. We cannot force anyone to do something they don't want to do, or say what they don't want to say. Sometimes breakups remain confusing.

My advice for now - since he is not communicative - is to move on with your lives. If you find the truth later on - you have decisions to make. But make sure they are in YOUR (plural) best interests, and not his.

Our best to you-
Susan

May 23, 2019 - 12:52pm