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Hello . I'm 27 years old and have been with my partner for just over 2 years now. It was always off how we become an item, we went to school together and then become closer friends after school with various other friends from school. Myself and 3 other boys all became very close and formed bestfriends. I would still have my girls but the boys were always around me daily. My partner was always the one out of the group that went out weekly and slept with different girls every night never caring about them after. To be fair he was a big player and has slept with most of my friends . At this time we were best friends so I had no problems. When we was 25!he started staying over mine a lot and we become an item(after him not wanting to for about 6 months prior to this. We was just sleeping together) he bows lives with me and my mum. His not working but is not completely broke as he had savings he uses to live on. I work full time and every night I get home his done nothing . Not looked for a job, not made dinner , not walked the dog his says that's my responsibility his a man and does manly jobs ??? Instead he goes gym with his friends and for lunch , sunbed ect. His mum and dad have recently separated and his mum moved away. His dad got him in to a lot of dept and is living in a hostel. My parter is now paying off his dad's dept. I love him so much when we were friends I was never attracted to his appearance more his personality. When we first got together it was always him wanting to sleep with me at least twice a week. After a year this stopped and for the past year his not touched me unless his drunk and even then I feel it's because I moan and he feels he has to. The money problems and his parents splitting up has only happened a month ago so I can't put it to that ?? I've tried to be understanding and speak to him but he just says it's not his fault he loves me but his sex drive has gone.... This makes me feel awful and hate myself . I cry every weekend but he don't ever really make an effort with me if we go out its me booking it. He spends a lot of time with me and I can tell he loves me. I'm not a pushover. But what do I do I feel myself starting to resent him and find him really unattractive. I don't know if I should just move on ??
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Hello and welcome to EmpowHer,
After hearing your story, I get a sense that you know the answer already in your heart. Hopefully I can validate what you're already feeling.
First, I encourage you to ask yourself a few questions:
What qualities do you value in a guy?
--A guy who has good friends, but no drive to make something of himself?
--A guy who is humble and hard working? Or a guy who is too manly to walk a dog?
--A guy who hangs out with you? Or a guy who wants to build a life with you?
Be honest with yourself about the kind of qualities you want in a boyfriend, and it will be clear whether or not you should be with him. That comes way before the sexual intimacy issue.
If you decide his qualities are for you, then its times to address his low libido. You did mention that he was a player before. This makes me think that the chase without commitment is a turn on for him. You may want to consider his past long term relationships. Has this happened before?
The best thing to do is ask him. If the foundation of your relationship is friendship, then he may feel comfortable opening up to you about what is really going on.
I wish you the best of luck!
April 16, 2016 - 10:14amFaith
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