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Lately I have noticed myself stewing upon how irritating and controlling my dad's girlfriend is. They live in a different state so I don't have to see them very often but when I talk to him on the phone it is almost like he is brainwashed by her. It is starting to feel like I am loosing my dad.
When I was younger and a teenager I couldn't stand my dad's partners for other reasons. Back then it was about the divorce. I wanted him and my mom to get back together but I have learned to accept that. In my adult years I have really liked some of the women he has dated but this one is just too much to handle.
I don't want to say anything to him because I don't want to hurt his feelings. He also worries a lot and I don't want to put this on his plate. However, their relationship is starting to really bug me. I hate going to visit them because I will have to deal with her.
What are some ways to handle this?
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Hello Anon
Thank you for writing.
When it comes to matters of the heart, it's hard to understand why some people's relationships are how they are. But your father is obviously a grown man in middle or older age and has chosen this woman as his partner. He has his own reasons that you may never know. You said "controlling and irritating" but you have not said in what way. You may not like her but your Dad seems to!
You don't have to like his girlfriend - they live far away, as you said, and if you interfere, you risk alienating your father.
When you visit, it may be best to stay at a local hotel and spend as much alone time with your Dad as you can. Chat on the phone as often as you can and definitely offer to have him for a visit (and hope girlfriend doesn't tag along!).
To surmise, there isn't anything that can be done unless you suspect some sort of abuse or crime is going on. Focus on your father and grin and bear the more difficult aspects. Your situation is pretty common - sometimes you have to just go with the flow.
Best,
August 21, 2019 - 10:51amSusan
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