Everyone has such great stories, so I'll share mine, too! :-)
I agree that what matters most is what you both want. Having your family and friends involved in some portion of the process is wonderful, as it is their presence that provides the support and love for beginning your many years of happiness together. They will feel that they contributed to your relationship and happiness as well. However, there are many ways for other people to be part of the process (I'll explain in a moment)...
One thought: I believe your financial situation sets the tone for much of the decision, as too many couples are getting married and finding out that they are hugely in debt from an extravagant wedding and honeymoon. If parents or relatives are paying, then there (probably) will be strings attached; make sure you know what those are first! If you both are paying, then deciding on an amount, what your short-term and long-term priorities are (wedding, reception, honeymoon, buying house, monthly budget, etc) will help you determine what your options are.
I know, not very romantic.
So, here's our story:
My soon-to-be husband and I had moved away from our family and friends to pursue careers five states away. I was in my 30s, he was in his 40s. We were already living together; had lived in separate houses/apartments before that...so we had all of the "stuff" we needed (no need for a formal wedding shower).
We had wanted to elope, but were terrified of hurting our parents and siblings with leaving them out. So, we started planning a long-distance wedding. As the details became more complicated (oh---and my previous career was part "event planner"...so I actually like planning!), the items became more expensive and not really "us". I read a book on "eloping" that provided the best information: the act of eloping is on a continuum; it's not an all-or-nothing choice. Hurray! So, we just talked about the aspects of the wedding and reception and honeymoon that we wanted, and created our own event(s)! We learned a lot about each other during the process: I was never one to dream about a big white dress and wedding cake. I like to be center of attention at times, but wanted to have a meaningful experience with my new husband. He wanted money leftover for many vacations, not just a honeymoon. He wanted to be outdoors and casual. And, we wanted to put more time and attention into the marriage and not in a one-time event, a formal wedding.
So...we planned our elopement to Albuquerque, where we got married on the fairgrounds of the International Balloon Fiesta. We went salsa dancing until the wee hours of the night before our wedding, we spent the day before writing our own vows. The day of the "wedding", our best friends where present, and then we took off in a hot air balloon with champagne. I wore a white blouse and nice pants (we joke that I probably paid as much for this outfit than for a wedding dress!!), but it was covered up by my winter coat (October + outdoors + 6am in ABQ = cold!). We were outside, surrounded by beautiful hot air balloons, in a place neither of us had been to.
Then, we drove 12 hours that night (our wedding night!) to Austin, Texas, where all of our family lived. The next day, we had a gorgeous backyard, Tex-Mex reception with our friends and family, and shared pictures and video from our elopement/wedding and the balloon festival itself. My mother-in-law baked an amazing cake. There were flowers on the tables. We provided guests with disposable cameras and had a million pictures afterwards. There was lots of margaritas and beer. It was perfect for us: we had time to ourselves, a few friends, then a larger reception that was causal and fun...all outdoors (plus, we actually go on vacations twice a year with the money we saved)! :-)
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Everyone has such great stories, so I'll share mine, too! :-)
I agree that what matters most is what you both want. Having your family and friends involved in some portion of the process is wonderful, as it is their presence that provides the support and love for beginning your many years of happiness together. They will feel that they contributed to your relationship and happiness as well. However, there are many ways for other people to be part of the process (I'll explain in a moment)...
One thought: I believe your financial situation sets the tone for much of the decision, as too many couples are getting married and finding out that they are hugely in debt from an extravagant wedding and honeymoon. If parents or relatives are paying, then there (probably) will be strings attached; make sure you know what those are first! If you both are paying, then deciding on an amount, what your short-term and long-term priorities are (wedding, reception, honeymoon, buying house, monthly budget, etc) will help you determine what your options are.
I know, not very romantic.
So, here's our story:
My soon-to-be husband and I had moved away from our family and friends to pursue careers five states away. I was in my 30s, he was in his 40s. We were already living together; had lived in separate houses/apartments before that...so we had all of the "stuff" we needed (no need for a formal wedding shower).
We had wanted to elope, but were terrified of hurting our parents and siblings with leaving them out. So, we started planning a long-distance wedding. As the details became more complicated (oh---and my previous career was part "event planner"...so I actually like planning!), the items became more expensive and not really "us". I read a book on "eloping" that provided the best information: the act of eloping is on a continuum; it's not an all-or-nothing choice. Hurray! So, we just talked about the aspects of the wedding and reception and honeymoon that we wanted, and created our own event(s)! We learned a lot about each other during the process: I was never one to dream about a big white dress and wedding cake. I like to be center of attention at times, but wanted to have a meaningful experience with my new husband. He wanted money leftover for many vacations, not just a honeymoon. He wanted to be outdoors and casual. And, we wanted to put more time and attention into the marriage and not in a one-time event, a formal wedding.
So...we planned our elopement to Albuquerque, where we got married on the fairgrounds of the International Balloon Fiesta. We went salsa dancing until the wee hours of the night before our wedding, we spent the day before writing our own vows. The day of the "wedding", our best friends where present, and then we took off in a hot air balloon with champagne. I wore a white blouse and nice pants (we joke that I probably paid as much for this outfit than for a wedding dress!!), but it was covered up by my winter coat (October + outdoors + 6am in ABQ = cold!). We were outside, surrounded by beautiful hot air balloons, in a place neither of us had been to.
Then, we drove 12 hours that night (our wedding night!) to Austin, Texas, where all of our family lived. The next day, we had a gorgeous backyard, Tex-Mex reception with our friends and family, and shared pictures and video from our elopement/wedding and the balloon festival itself. My mother-in-law baked an amazing cake. There were flowers on the tables. We provided guests with disposable cameras and had a million pictures afterwards. There was lots of margaritas and beer. It was perfect for us: we had time to ourselves, a few friends, then a larger reception that was causal and fun...all outdoors (plus, we actually go on vacations twice a year with the money we saved)! :-)
April 12, 2008 - 2:57pmThis Comment
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