Relocation is difficult. I've been there, and your story sounds very familiar to not only mine, but many college students and young professionals I worked with.
You have relocated by moving away from your family, friends and your home. You mentioned that you do not currently have a job, but I am wondering what you are doing with your time? It can be very depressing to sit and wait for someone to get home; especially someone whom you are having a difficult time with right now. I think the first thing is to either find a job, or volunteer somewhere to get out of the house ,meet some new people, and keep up your skills. What are you interested in? Do you like to help people in need? Do you like to help out in a bookstore or library? Do you like to work with kids or adults or animals? There are so many volunteer opportunities, that this alone could give you something that is YOURS and YOURS alone while you are working on your relationship stuff.
You are right: your boyfriend probably does not know how hard this is for you, and probably never will. I would stop trying to get him to understand, as he may be empathetic and caring, but unless he is going through it too, it is difficult to explain to someone who has never relocated exactly how hard it is. I may even guess that you are wanting him to not only empathize, but to actually BE sad with you? (I am speaking from experience, so could be way off).
What you CAN expect from your boyfriend is:
- Introduce you to his friends. He hopefully, is caring enough that he knows some of his female friends that you would like.
- Suggesting sites-to-see & activities-to-do. While you are trying to make friends, he can be showing you the town, getting you excited about your new location. He can invite some of his friends whom he thinks you would like, too.
- Letting you pick out some furniture, decorations or small items to make his place a home for BOTH of you.
Of course, if you are feeling that your sadness is more than just sadness, you could be depressed. Depression is usually described as "overwhelming feelings of sadness with no apparent cause", but your "cause" is relocation...away from family, friends and independence. Your "cause" is not feeling as close to your boyfriend as you had hoped. You can most definitely talk with a counselor or psychologist, as it is common to need a third-person to talk with during difficult transitions...that's exactly what they're there for, whether you are clinically depressed, sad...or somewhere in between.
We're also happy to continue talking about this, too. It is really difficult to move-in with a boyfriend, especially in a new town. There are SO many issues that arise:
- the place was "his" before, and people can become territorial without even realizing
- the dream of moving into together has been replaced by the reality..and never can quite live up to the dream
- communication issues, finance issues, sex issues, spending time alone vs. apart...these are all NEW things that need to be worked out!
Let us know how we can help! Many of us (including me) have "been there"! I was in exact same situation (almost): dated boyfriend for only a year, both moved to Virginia for my job and moved in together for first time. I had a difficult time transitioning without family or friends, plus new job. He had no job for a year. It was really tough... we actually spend an ENTIRE weekend fighting over the placement of the toaster in the kitchen!!!! We lived together for 7 years in Virginia, had enough good times and enough love that we did get married and had a son. We still struggled with our new place at times. Fast-forward to now...we have been happily married for almost 8 years and have two sons. Life is good...but is was a REALLY difficult road for a few years!
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Hi Starfall,
Relocation is difficult. I've been there, and your story sounds very familiar to not only mine, but many college students and young professionals I worked with.
You have relocated by moving away from your family, friends and your home. You mentioned that you do not currently have a job, but I am wondering what you are doing with your time? It can be very depressing to sit and wait for someone to get home; especially someone whom you are having a difficult time with right now. I think the first thing is to either find a job, or volunteer somewhere to get out of the house ,meet some new people, and keep up your skills. What are you interested in? Do you like to help people in need? Do you like to help out in a bookstore or library? Do you like to work with kids or adults or animals? There are so many volunteer opportunities, that this alone could give you something that is YOURS and YOURS alone while you are working on your relationship stuff.
You are right: your boyfriend probably does not know how hard this is for you, and probably never will. I would stop trying to get him to understand, as he may be empathetic and caring, but unless he is going through it too, it is difficult to explain to someone who has never relocated exactly how hard it is. I may even guess that you are wanting him to not only empathize, but to actually BE sad with you? (I am speaking from experience, so could be way off).
What you CAN expect from your boyfriend is:
- Introduce you to his friends. He hopefully, is caring enough that he knows some of his female friends that you would like.
- Suggesting sites-to-see & activities-to-do. While you are trying to make friends, he can be showing you the town, getting you excited about your new location. He can invite some of his friends whom he thinks you would like, too.
- Letting you pick out some furniture, decorations or small items to make his place a home for BOTH of you.
Of course, if you are feeling that your sadness is more than just sadness, you could be depressed. Depression is usually described as "overwhelming feelings of sadness with no apparent cause", but your "cause" is relocation...away from family, friends and independence. Your "cause" is not feeling as close to your boyfriend as you had hoped. You can most definitely talk with a counselor or psychologist, as it is common to need a third-person to talk with during difficult transitions...that's exactly what they're there for, whether you are clinically depressed, sad...or somewhere in between.
We're also happy to continue talking about this, too. It is really difficult to move-in with a boyfriend, especially in a new town. There are SO many issues that arise:
- the place was "his" before, and people can become territorial without even realizing
- the dream of moving into together has been replaced by the reality..and never can quite live up to the dream
- communication issues, finance issues, sex issues, spending time alone vs. apart...these are all NEW things that need to be worked out!
Let us know how we can help! Many of us (including me) have "been there"! I was in exact same situation (almost): dated boyfriend for only a year, both moved to Virginia for my job and moved in together for first time. I had a difficult time transitioning without family or friends, plus new job. He had no job for a year. It was really tough... we actually spend an ENTIRE weekend fighting over the placement of the toaster in the kitchen!!!! We lived together for 7 years in Virginia, had enough good times and enough love that we did get married and had a son. We still struggled with our new place at times. Fast-forward to now...we have been happily married for almost 8 years and have two sons. Life is good...but is was a REALLY difficult road for a few years!
Hope to hear from you soon!
June 27, 2010 - 1:05pmThis Comment
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