Hi,
I'm sorry you are going through this, but after reading your initial question (regarding your husband and porn addiction), and reading the remainder of your story...it sounds like the issue really is not about your husband watching porn, but rather, his SOLICITING sex from other women.
You know that he has done this since you have been with him, as you saw a picture he sent of himself to another woman, with the purpose of soliciting sex, and the picture included your son in the background. This is not OK.
Even with this information, you have decided to marry this man, and although you say you though he was different (his quietness seemed humble), you made a conscious decision to marry this man, knowing that he was soliciting sex from other women on the internet. Please stop making excuses and trying to figure out what is wrong with your husband, or pretending like you did not know this was going on. You say you knew about this when you were dating/living together, and decided to get married. That was your choice, and I truly think once you accept your decision, only then can you move forward. Do not demean or otherwise put yourself down for this decision, but rather, accept that you made this decision with the full information, own that decision, and then you can move forward.
How to move forward? You can't "fix" your husband, unless he is interested in seeking help. Once you know that you made a decision to be with this person---faults and all---then you have some of your own decisions to make, both for yourself and your children.
I believe the only way to figure out your next steps and how to move forward are through counseling. There is a reason why you continue choosing men who are unhealthy (to say the least). I am so glad you got out of one bad relationship that included violence---I am so, so sorry you wen through this, and you had to be very strong and courageous to more forward with your life and decide that you do not deserve to be battered and emotionally abused.
However, I am worried that you are continuing to choose men that are not able to provide you with their share of a healthy relationship. You can not "fix" your ex-husband's abusive behavior, just as you can not "fix" your current husband's behaviors to solicit sex from other women---whether or not it is labeled as porn. Yes, some men (and women) will view porn as part of a healthy sexual relationship, and this is controversial enough to many people, however, your now-husband emailing and sending pictures to a woman, asking to meet for sex is not OK. For numerous other reasons, there is a very high chance that these "women" are under legal age, and this would be criminal activity, illegal, and very harmful. Regardless if you were "only" dating or "only" living together, this is not OK to be treated in this way as his girlfriend/living partner/wife.
PLEASE seek help for YOURSELF through a qualified therapist who can help guide you through the process of determining what is best for you, who you deserve in your life, and what you can do to build a happy, nurturing, healthy home for yourself and your children.
Comment Reply
Hi,
I'm sorry you are going through this, but after reading your initial question (regarding your husband and porn addiction), and reading the remainder of your story...it sounds like the issue really is not about your husband watching porn, but rather, his SOLICITING sex from other women.
You know that he has done this since you have been with him, as you saw a picture he sent of himself to another woman, with the purpose of soliciting sex, and the picture included your son in the background. This is not OK.
Even with this information, you have decided to marry this man, and although you say you though he was different (his quietness seemed humble), you made a conscious decision to marry this man, knowing that he was soliciting sex from other women on the internet. Please stop making excuses and trying to figure out what is wrong with your husband, or pretending like you did not know this was going on. You say you knew about this when you were dating/living together, and decided to get married. That was your choice, and I truly think once you accept your decision, only then can you move forward. Do not demean or otherwise put yourself down for this decision, but rather, accept that you made this decision with the full information, own that decision, and then you can move forward.
How to move forward? You can't "fix" your husband, unless he is interested in seeking help. Once you know that you made a decision to be with this person---faults and all---then you have some of your own decisions to make, both for yourself and your children.
I believe the only way to figure out your next steps and how to move forward are through counseling. There is a reason why you continue choosing men who are unhealthy (to say the least). I am so glad you got out of one bad relationship that included violence---I am so, so sorry you wen through this, and you had to be very strong and courageous to more forward with your life and decide that you do not deserve to be battered and emotionally abused.
However, I am worried that you are continuing to choose men that are not able to provide you with their share of a healthy relationship. You can not "fix" your ex-husband's abusive behavior, just as you can not "fix" your current husband's behaviors to solicit sex from other women---whether or not it is labeled as porn. Yes, some men (and women) will view porn as part of a healthy sexual relationship, and this is controversial enough to many people, however, your now-husband emailing and sending pictures to a woman, asking to meet for sex is not OK. For numerous other reasons, there is a very high chance that these "women" are under legal age, and this would be criminal activity, illegal, and very harmful. Regardless if you were "only" dating or "only" living together, this is not OK to be treated in this way as his girlfriend/living partner/wife.
PLEASE seek help for YOURSELF through a qualified therapist who can help guide you through the process of determining what is best for you, who you deserve in your life, and what you can do to build a happy, nurturing, healthy home for yourself and your children.
November 22, 2009 - 12:25pmThis Comment
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