It sounds like you two are on a rough road, but with excellent communication skills (bravo, to both of you!!) that I'm confident you can find resolution...it might take awhile.
Are you open to having sex (or any type of physical intimacy) in the morning, if that's when he is most horny? Even some "no pressure" physical contact, or "naked cuddling" without sex? I know that men are "supposed" to want sex "all the time", but many men really are able to focus on one thing at a time, and if he is focused on not feeling secure financially, he may not feel like performing sexually. It is strange to think about this as a problem, when women are stereotypically good at multitasking...but give this some consideration. He may feel so secure in his relationship with you emotionally, that he does not need to perform sexually to keep you while he is struggling with other parts of his life. (Yes, sex if fun, but it can also be a chore to "perform" for both genders!).
Please do not underestimate his stress and concern about being a father, sole income and needing some relaxation time. I can not tell you how much this sounds like my husband and my talks a few years ago (when we had a 2 year old). We now have an almost 4 year old and a 6 month old, one full-time income, and we were able to talk enough (I had to listen more to his concerns; I thought they were not as significant as he did). We also read the Hot Monogamy book, but my husband was so tired, and tired of talking about us not talking or not being intimate, that the book was more for me.
Question for you: do you let your husband talk, vent, complain de-stress about being sole income provider, or do you brush it off after a few minutes? Sex may need to be off-the-table for a little while, if your husband is needing to figure out some issues first. Financial burden can really be all-consuming, and perhaps you two can resolve some of these fears first?
Comment Reply
It sounds like you two are on a rough road, but with excellent communication skills (bravo, to both of you!!) that I'm confident you can find resolution...it might take awhile.
Are you open to having sex (or any type of physical intimacy) in the morning, if that's when he is most horny? Even some "no pressure" physical contact, or "naked cuddling" without sex? I know that men are "supposed" to want sex "all the time", but many men really are able to focus on one thing at a time, and if he is focused on not feeling secure financially, he may not feel like performing sexually. It is strange to think about this as a problem, when women are stereotypically good at multitasking...but give this some consideration. He may feel so secure in his relationship with you emotionally, that he does not need to perform sexually to keep you while he is struggling with other parts of his life. (Yes, sex if fun, but it can also be a chore to "perform" for both genders!).
Please do not underestimate his stress and concern about being a father, sole income and needing some relaxation time. I can not tell you how much this sounds like my husband and my talks a few years ago (when we had a 2 year old). We now have an almost 4 year old and a 6 month old, one full-time income, and we were able to talk enough (I had to listen more to his concerns; I thought they were not as significant as he did). We also read the Hot Monogamy book, but my husband was so tired, and tired of talking about us not talking or not being intimate, that the book was more for me.
Question for you: do you let your husband talk, vent, complain de-stress about being sole income provider, or do you brush it off after a few minutes? Sex may need to be off-the-table for a little while, if your husband is needing to figure out some issues first. Financial burden can really be all-consuming, and perhaps you two can resolve some of these fears first?
Could it be as simple as: sex in the morning??
October 10, 2010 - 8:32pmThis Comment
Reply