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Has anybody gone through this?
By
Krish82
June 9, 2017 - 5:00pm
The difficulty with emotional turmoil is often that the problems come from people whom we have shown our vulnerable side.I am married to a man who was my friend and colleague.We are both from dysfunctional families.But after we were committed he's been taking advantage of my weaknesses.I bring up an issue and he calls me a provocative emotionally unstable person.If I raise my voice to stand up for myself it's showing disrespect and I am cruel.I should put up a facade of having no complaints and everything has to be pushed under the carpet .
He uses me to excuse his problems.I start thinking if I may be paranoid.I saw a therapist too.I was told that I was being played on and need not suffer so much.
Only I can't point a finger at what is happening.I have not seen a healthy marriage.I don't know where the line has to be drawn.We are raised in a culture that calls a woman weak if she can't keep her husband happy
My family looks perfect outside
My daughter adores her father
But I am crumbling inside everyday
I don't know what to do
By
minnion1971
August 28, 2017 - 11:14am
I agree with Rare. I also believe that only God can fill that vacuum and I know he can but you will have to trust him for yourself. You will need to stand up to him so he will learn that he has to respect you. A good book is "Love Must Be Tough" by Dr. James Dobson. It helped me when I was having marital problems also. He has to give you the support you need or you may always feel miserable and I believe life is just too short for that! Would he go to counseling so that you and him together can talk to someone for help? Hope this helps!
August 28, 2017 - 11:14amThis Comment
By
Rare
June 17, 2017 - 8:15am
Hello Krish82,
I know you posted this because you were at your wits end. It probably took a lot of guts to speak out this way.
I think your husband is taking advantage of your need for him and your need to have a perfect marriage.
I think you should first find your inner peace and confidence. And be sure your joy and confidence doesn't come from him. I believe only God can fill that vacuum. When you're confident of this, stand up to his wrong behaviour. Refuse to accept it. I don't think he means any harm, I just think he's reliving the dysfunctionality he experienced in his own home.
Tell him it's not okay to speak to you that way. Don't argue, just lay it out matter of factly. Introduce him to any friends you know who have a good marriage. Let him build friendships with other husbands are attempting to get it right. Situations like yours thrive on isolation. When you're isolated, no one else is watching, no one else can see things without bias and state clearly that it's wrong.
I hope something I've posted makes some sense to you.
Kind regards, Rare
I'm new to this group so I'm not sure where to begin or if I'm doing it right. I can relate a lot to things I've read. I have been with my husband for almost 19 years. Things have only gotten worse. I don't dare say anything to him if he does something that upsets me because he turns into a rage that can last for weeks. Over the years I have learned to just brush my feelings under the rug or face the consequences. He does what he wants when he wants while I can't even leave the house. I no longer have any friends and no family left who will help me. He is always accusing me of things I dont do. This past year I had a sever injury and now I have no income. He has made sure I have nothing. There is so much more to it all but I will start there. Because the severity of things I need to leave but I have no one to turn to or any place to go. I also have not a single penny in my name or any transportation. I'm starting to feel very hopeless and wanting to give up so I'm reaching out hoping to find some advice.
October 19, 2017 - 9:41amThis Comment