Hi Kelifowler,
As they say, recognizing you have a problem is the first step. I commend you for having the strength to reach out. Fear can be powerful, if you use it the right way--to keep you safe from ongoing harm. I'm not a doctor, but I am an adult child of an alcoholic. I know personally how living with a sick parent can mess you and the whole family up. I'm sure your son loves you and just wants you to be with him and not go away. If being there for him is enough to help you have the strength to say yes to a healthier life, then go with that. What else do/did you like to do? Have you discussed the problem with your doctor? I posted some resources for addiction help in a different thread. You may want to check out www.na.org for ideas to help you reach your goals. It's time to build your network of health providers and support system--people you can count on, and turn away from the unhealthy things in your life. That's my opinion, and I sincerely hope it helps for your sake and your sons. I'm thinking it won't be easy, but keep trying and never give up. You deserve to have a happy, healthy life.
Please take care of yourself and let us know how you're doing.

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