I've been with my boyfriend for about 9 months. It is both of our first serious relationships. I'm 22 and he's 19. I have had other casual relationships and everything was fine until he inquired about it. I was truthful with him and he has a huge problem with it. I was sexually abused by a family member when I was younger and sex was never a big thing to me into I fell in love with my boyfriend. I explained all this to him and since then we have only had sex twice (that was 4 months ago). I love him and I know he loves me but I don't know what to do. I don't want to end it but if he's holding back because of my past and never gets over it I'm not sure what I can do. Someone please help.
All user-generated information on this site is the opinion of its author only and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment for any medical conditions. Members and guests are responsible for their own posts and the potential consequences of those posts detailed in our Terms of Service.
Add a Comment3 Comments
Hi vashworth,
Props to you for opening up like that about your abusive past, you must really trust him a lot. That is a big step. Honestly in my opinion I would suggest you talk to him. Ask him if he is holding back, if so, ask him if it is because of your past. If it is so, well then I think it would be wise to talk to him about it and explain to him that it is YOUR past and does not concern him at all. You said he inquired about your past relationships. Anyone inquiring about their loved ones past (especially love life) knows that whatever is said after that point onward should be accepted. He cannot be mad at you for that because HE asked. And you being truthful, told him. Simple as that really.
I believe communication is one of the vital keys in any relationship. We cannot read minds, therefore we need to communicate what we feel or think. Ask him to do so. And encourage him to talk to you when something is on his mind or bothering him whether it concerns your relationship or not.
I hope everything works out well for you guys!
April 19, 2011 - 9:56amThis Comment
It may be best to stay focused on the positive aspects of your relationship, and the qualities you enjoy and appreciate about one another. Talk about the future and all the wonderful things you'd like to do with each other, rather than discussing previous encounters and issues from the past. I too was abused as a child for many years, and discussing it with boyfriends, only made them uncomfortable and dredged up painful memories - which interfered with personal relationships and my self-esteem. If he has a problem trusting you, perhaps he may not trust himself and is projecting it onto you. The best thing you can do is be honest and open, without divulging every little detail. Be obvious in your interactions, especially in front of others, that he is the one you love and choose to be with – empower him with love, appreciation and affection. Good luck to you!
April 13, 2011 - 2:20pmThis Comment
The age difference is something that had held me up about being with him when it first started. I inquired about his past after his negative comments towards mine and he told me he has had past partners but wouldn't go into it with me. He holds back a lot and doesn't seem to want to tell me anything. I know he's not cheating and that he truely cares for me but I'm not sure what to do. I really care about him and want our relationship to last but I also want that intimacy that we have not had in such a long time. Thank you very much for your opinions I do appreciate it greatly.
April 13, 2011 - 12:38pmThis Comment