My husband has a porn addiction, should I let him take pictures of me?

Anon,

By saying your real father even found children sexy, are you saying that he sexually abused you and your sister? Or if there was not physical sexual abuse, was there emotional abuse due to how he was treating you, your sister and your mother?

If so, you had any therapy for this, Anon?

Part of working through this issue with your husband is going to rest on your self-esteem and your confidence in standing up for your beliefs about what is right, and what is safe for your children. And if you are a child of a sexual abuser yourself, your self-esteem is very likely low to start with.

It is surprising to me that you knew this man for five years before you married him and there was seemingly no sign of a porn issue before. Were there ever signs that something like this was going on in the past?

Do you think that your husband would get counseling for this if you asked him?

Please write back with some more details. We're here to help.

My husband and I have been together for five years and eight months we have been married for just eight months we have two little boys our oldies is 1year and 10month old and our other Is only 5months old and that is why I just really want this to work out. I found out about his problem when our first son was only a few months old. We had my mom and dads computer because they had nowere to keep it. I was fine with him looking at it my dad had all kinds of pic. On the computer. One night our son was sleeping and so you know what I wanted. He was looking up pic and it was a little of a turn on. Not the pics but the thing about him looking at them I dont know way but anyway I told him to come to bed. He said he would be there in about 5 min so I went and got ready for him a hour later I came back and rub aganst him and told him I was a bit upset I was waiting on him. He said sorry and that he was coming so I went back to wait on him. I fell asleep and when I woke he was still in here. I told him to never look at it again. He always tells me he wont do it but does. I told him to take pics of me and only look at them and he said ok. We live next to his moms house he will even sneek down there to get on her computer and I am at wits end. I tore up all the photos of me a couple of days ago. I was just so mad. I have warned him of me maybe leaving. I dont know if it is going to work or not. I dont want to leave the only person I can go stay with is my mom and she would not understand if I gave him another chance later. My real father was a sex addict not a porn addict he even found childern sexy (me and my sister) and my mom compares everything about me to her. My husband dont want sex. He prefers his hand and a picture or two. My father would have sex with every one and he would make my mom have sex with everyone so I know it is not like that but my mom just would not get it. I have lost almost all selfesteam I told him one day I may not care no more. I really dont know who to talk to he wont go to counslor he said he can fix it and I just dont know.

I tryed that it did not help us

I have thought about seeing a therapist myself, maybe I will. Right now I don't have any time in my schedule for it, but I should in January. It does put me in quite a position, because I know for a fact that ultimatum would not work. He was desperate for me to move back in months ago, but now he is indifferent. I feel like he is pretty well described by Katie Perry's Hot N Cold song. I really think he should see a psychiatrist and counselor, but he thinks that I want to chemically change him and is totally opposed to the idea. You're right that you yourself are the only person you can control, I want to save the marriage, but he has all the control.

I never did let him take pictures of me. He committed to stopping looking at porn, and we moved back in together. Recently, he admitted he has still been looking at porn. He won't go to therapy. It negatively impacts our sex life and our relationship in general. I don't really know what I can do.

Anon, NOT all men look at porn. It's sad that through what society brainwashes people into believeing, you can only see this possibility. And it's nothing to do with any kind of god. My fiancee doesn't look at porn. He used to have a porn addiction and now, through therapy and love for me, we have a fantastic sex life. I know he doesn't look at it any more, because he is an honest man and he loves me and knows that the relationship would be over if he ever looked at it again. And he doesn't believe in a god.
I think that if you say "no" to porn in YOUR life, the men in you life will stop "using" if they respect you, unless, sadly, they are addicted...then they need therapy.

I am struggling with the same issue, I also like you believe is detrimental for our relationship and also for religious things, the only one who can change them is GOD, and the must have a willing heart. I let my husband take pictures of me, not to encourage him to watch porn but to let him enjoy seeing me while he is away from home for 24hrs at the time, this help some, but is not going to change. I believe all man look at porn and those who say no i believe they are lying. I would suggest you let him take pics of you he will enjoy them.