Let me start this off by saying you are right. You are right that men are not "bad" because they are men. I never said that in my article and never claimed that point of view at all.
You are also right that women do the kind of damage the author (me) has described and that women are by nature manipulative and emotionally cruel... but I must step in and bring you back to the first point women are not "manipulative and emotionally cruel" and "bad" because of that just because they're women. I think that's really unfair and debases and demeans the real emotional damage that an emotionally -- and otherwise -- abusive husband can do.
...and that there are dozens of men who have been destroyed by women in the very way I describe. Right again, which is why following some of the comments obviously made by men both on this comment section and through direct correspondence I wrote a follow-up article on women who abuse.
You are incorrect though when you say "the implication that all women are victims of some variety". That was not my implication at all. My article was not written to say all women are victims. There are many healthy relationships out there with genuine love and respect between both husband and wife...obviously there are relationships out there that are working. But statistics show that there are up to 45% of men are emotionally abused and 46% of women, as well, probably in conjunction with other forms of abuse. You can't sweepingly deny these numbers and the reality of them and land the blame completely on the victims' shoulders whether husband or wife.
I also have to agree with Kim and say "getting out and stop whining" is not as easy as you claim. It's easier if you have a support system through faith or friends that shows you that you do have value and worth outside of that kind of marital relationship, but as part of the emotional abuse many husbands and wives control the situation so much that such interaction is not possible and a partner's self-esteem and self-value continues to be ground down. When you hear something long enough, you start to believe it and often the bad stuff is harder to believe -- regardless of whether or not it's true.
It's unfair to blame the victims. This last statement in particular reminds me of the attitude I wrote about in my article on blaming rape victims, where instead of placing the blame on the abuser or attacker, observers of the situation start looking for ways that the victim "encouraged" the attack or abuse, or placed herself in a position to be taken advantage of. Instead of encouraging women and men that their lives are worth more than this and that neither of them deserve this kind of treatment, you may just heap a whole lot of guilt on top of them that they don't need on top of the emotional battering they've already endured. Again they feel inadequate and failures because they let this happen to themselves.
Again, not what my intent of the article was. At some point a woman/man needs to recognize that she's/he's being abused, and summon the courage to be constructive in how she handles that situation. No one deserves to be treated that way, and she/he needs to find ways to take care of him/herself, particularly in light of partners who refuse to get help for their problems. Some problems can be worked through with proper medical and psychological guidance. Some can't, and it's a challenge to know precisely when that moment is and when a partner needs to just walk away.
Comment Reply
Let me start this off by saying you are right. You are right that men are not "bad" because they are men. I never said that in my article and never claimed that point of view at all.
You are also right that women do the kind of damage the author (me) has described and that women are by nature manipulative and emotionally cruel... but I must step in and bring you back to the first point women are not "manipulative and emotionally cruel" and "bad" because of that just because they're women. I think that's really unfair and debases and demeans the real emotional damage that an emotionally -- and otherwise -- abusive husband can do.
...and that there are dozens of men who have been destroyed by women in the very way I describe. Right again, which is why following some of the comments obviously made by men both on this comment section and through direct correspondence I wrote a follow-up article on women who abuse.
You are incorrect though when you say "the implication that all women are victims of some variety". That was not my implication at all. My article was not written to say all women are victims. There are many healthy relationships out there with genuine love and respect between both husband and wife...obviously there are relationships out there that are working. But statistics show that there are up to 45% of men are emotionally abused and 46% of women, as well, probably in conjunction with other forms of abuse. You can't sweepingly deny these numbers and the reality of them and land the blame completely on the victims' shoulders whether husband or wife.
I also have to agree with Kim and say "getting out and stop whining" is not as easy as you claim. It's easier if you have a support system through faith or friends that shows you that you do have value and worth outside of that kind of marital relationship, but as part of the emotional abuse many husbands and wives control the situation so much that such interaction is not possible and a partner's self-esteem and self-value continues to be ground down. When you hear something long enough, you start to believe it and often the bad stuff is harder to believe -- regardless of whether or not it's true.
It's unfair to blame the victims. This last statement in particular reminds me of the attitude I wrote about in my article on blaming rape victims, where instead of placing the blame on the abuser or attacker, observers of the situation start looking for ways that the victim "encouraged" the attack or abuse, or placed herself in a position to be taken advantage of. Instead of encouraging women and men that their lives are worth more than this and that neither of them deserve this kind of treatment, you may just heap a whole lot of guilt on top of them that they don't need on top of the emotional battering they've already endured. Again they feel inadequate and failures because they let this happen to themselves.
Again, not what my intent of the article was. At some point a woman/man needs to recognize that she's/he's being abused, and summon the courage to be constructive in how she handles that situation. No one deserves to be treated that way, and she/he needs to find ways to take care of him/herself, particularly in light of partners who refuse to get help for their problems. Some problems can be worked through with proper medical and psychological guidance. Some can't, and it's a challenge to know precisely when that moment is and when a partner needs to just walk away.
May 5, 2011 - 10:16amThis Comment
Reply