I was married to a CIA officer who told me he wasn't allowed to go to therapy and that I would put our family in danger if we divorced. After five years of verbal and emotional abuse that tormented me, we had a rough day that ended with pushing me - I was so scared and begged him to let us separate. That's when he told me I wasn't going anywhere, he wasn't going anywhere and the kids weren't going anywhere and that we would never have this conversation again. I left five days later. I had to take my power back, reclaim my life and stop trying to work out something reasonable with someone who is unreasonable. You will not be able to fix him or the marriage, that is going to be his journey but you WILL be able to save the children from growing up in an abusive household and you will be able to teach them how to be healthy and manage their own emotions. I would get out as soon as you can, the rest of these threats will fall and you will be able to take steps to move forward. He is isolating you so that he has more control. He is manipulating you so he has more control. He is arguing with you so he has more control. You aren't trapped but you are being controlled so now is the time to stand up, figure out how to manage a separation, keep you and your kids safe and be done with this. You are young and have an entire life ahead of you - even if moving means going to your parents house or living with a friend, you will be in a safe and healthy environment where you can start to heal. Be gentle with yourself but be strong, you can do this! Keep us updated - hugs to you sweetie, you aren't alone!
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I was married to a CIA officer who told me he wasn't allowed to go to therapy and that I would put our family in danger if we divorced. After five years of verbal and emotional abuse that tormented me, we had a rough day that ended with pushing me - I was so scared and begged him to let us separate. That's when he told me I wasn't going anywhere, he wasn't going anywhere and the kids weren't going anywhere and that we would never have this conversation again. I left five days later. I had to take my power back, reclaim my life and stop trying to work out something reasonable with someone who is unreasonable. You will not be able to fix him or the marriage, that is going to be his journey but you WILL be able to save the children from growing up in an abusive household and you will be able to teach them how to be healthy and manage their own emotions. I would get out as soon as you can, the rest of these threats will fall and you will be able to take steps to move forward. He is isolating you so that he has more control. He is manipulating you so he has more control. He is arguing with you so he has more control. You aren't trapped but you are being controlled so now is the time to stand up, figure out how to manage a separation, keep you and your kids safe and be done with this. You are young and have an entire life ahead of you - even if moving means going to your parents house or living with a friend, you will be in a safe and healthy environment where you can start to heal. Be gentle with yourself but be strong, you can do this! Keep us updated - hugs to you sweetie, you aren't alone!
July 7, 2016 - 11:29amThis Comment
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