I started realizing my husband was emotionally abusive after he cheated on me for the first-time,the day after I told him I was depressed. I had been broken down by him for so long and hadnt even realized it but was feeling exhausted and devatlstated and extremely sad and weak all of the time since dating him. I couldn't put 2 and 2 together. I didn't realize it was him making me feel these terrible ways because he had a way of manipulating everything. He would make it seem as if I were just dramatic every time he would backhandedly insult me. I was working 12 hour shifts at the time and if I came home tired he would of course listen about my day and "sincerely" care. But then when the next day or at a moment when he felt upset he would suddenly make a random comment like, "man I hate it when people complain about their jobs. It is not something I care about its so selfish for people to say without being asked". He is military and would always say little things like," yeah everyone knows civilians are lazy".. If he posted a picture of me on social media or if someone commented on a picture of us he would always reply eith," yeah she doesn't look that good in person lol it is the makeup" stuff like that. This went on for months and for progressively worse and worse and then he started to sprinkle in issues with other women. I would catch him looking up random women, talking to exes, but every time I brought it up her make me feel insecure and controlling. He offered up all of his passwords and social media information to prove he was doing know wrong and then I caught him making different new accounts I didn't know about. I was molested as a child, and when I told him this on the phone I didn't get too much of a response. I asked what he was doing and he said he was masturbating. He explained that it was a compulsion he got when he felt uncomfortable, he wasn't doing it out of stimulation of my story. Then proceeded to tear into me about how that's disgusting and he would never do that. Making me seem like the crazy one. I then found out he cheated on me. Everything changed because I stopped taking the abuse and became extremely defensive and shut him out. He is in the "trying to make things right" phase and attempting to be better. But little pieces of his true abusive self still shine through. When asked why he cheated he still says things like,"you made me feel unwanted" or "I thought we were going to end anyways" because I was repeatedly telling him he was hurting me and that I was unhappy with how he was treating me. He asked me for a threesome, completely faultless and blind to how I feel. He would text me constantly while I was at work l. Demanding me to go to the bathroom and touch myself and take pictures. He would do the same when I was hanging out with friends. If I didn't comply I would receive silent treatments and backhanded sly insults or he would do something like show interest in other women. I would constantly be in competition with him. I play piano it is my passion. When I played beethiven front of him he wouldnt look at me. He would be EXTREMELY careful to avoid eye contact. He would ignore my performance and talk to others around him. Never a compliment unless I asked for one. And when I brought that up to him I was told my accusations were ridiculous. In the bedroom he claims to be aroused by my pain. At first I went along with this I didn't see any harm in sexual exploration and nothing he did was too painful. Until he started completely ignoring my feelings and doing whatever he wanted. Then he would cheat and say it was because he knew he couldn't please me in bed. He has choked me on numerous occasion out of the bedroom but then explained that he was only being sexual or "joking around". On valentines day he couldn't take me out to do anything because he had gone to a strip club and spent all of our money. He told me it was because he was sad that I was going to leave him. I am now so clearly seeing that this man is disturbed and abusive when i thought before that he was just hurt and needed help that we could experience together. I am in the process of leaving. It is a lot harder than it seems considering he is the breadwinner. My situation is not the worst but it is emotionally and physically affecting me. I have never been so thin and malnourished, and have repeatedly had stomach ulcers throughout the relationship.
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I started realizing my husband was emotionally abusive after he cheated on me for the first-time,the day after I told him I was depressed. I had been broken down by him for so long and hadnt even realized it but was feeling exhausted and devatlstated and extremely sad and weak all of the time since dating him. I couldn't put 2 and 2 together. I didn't realize it was him making me feel these terrible ways because he had a way of manipulating everything. He would make it seem as if I were just dramatic every time he would backhandedly insult me. I was working 12 hour shifts at the time and if I came home tired he would of course listen about my day and "sincerely" care. But then when the next day or at a moment when he felt upset he would suddenly make a random comment like, "man I hate it when people complain about their jobs. It is not something I care about its so selfish for people to say without being asked". He is military and would always say little things like," yeah everyone knows civilians are lazy".. If he posted a picture of me on social media or if someone commented on a picture of us he would always reply eith," yeah she doesn't look that good in person lol it is the makeup" stuff like that. This went on for months and for progressively worse and worse and then he started to sprinkle in issues with other women. I would catch him looking up random women, talking to exes, but every time I brought it up her make me feel insecure and controlling. He offered up all of his passwords and social media information to prove he was doing know wrong and then I caught him making different new accounts I didn't know about. I was molested as a child, and when I told him this on the phone I didn't get too much of a response. I asked what he was doing and he said he was masturbating. He explained that it was a compulsion he got when he felt uncomfortable, he wasn't doing it out of stimulation of my story. Then proceeded to tear into me about how that's disgusting and he would never do that. Making me seem like the crazy one. I then found out he cheated on me. Everything changed because I stopped taking the abuse and became extremely defensive and shut him out. He is in the "trying to make things right" phase and attempting to be better. But little pieces of his true abusive self still shine through. When asked why he cheated he still says things like,"you made me feel unwanted" or "I thought we were going to end anyways" because I was repeatedly telling him he was hurting me and that I was unhappy with how he was treating me. He asked me for a threesome, completely faultless and blind to how I feel. He would text me constantly while I was at work l. Demanding me to go to the bathroom and touch myself and take pictures. He would do the same when I was hanging out with friends. If I didn't comply I would receive silent treatments and backhanded sly insults or he would do something like show interest in other women. I would constantly be in competition with him. I play piano it is my passion. When I played beethiven front of him he wouldnt look at me. He would be EXTREMELY careful to avoid eye contact. He would ignore my performance and talk to others around him. Never a compliment unless I asked for one. And when I brought that up to him I was told my accusations were ridiculous. In the bedroom he claims to be aroused by my pain. At first I went along with this I didn't see any harm in sexual exploration and nothing he did was too painful. Until he started completely ignoring my feelings and doing whatever he wanted. Then he would cheat and say it was because he knew he couldn't please me in bed. He has choked me on numerous occasion out of the bedroom but then explained that he was only being sexual or "joking around". On valentines day he couldn't take me out to do anything because he had gone to a strip club and spent all of our money. He told me it was because he was sad that I was going to leave him. I am now so clearly seeing that this man is disturbed and abusive when i thought before that he was just hurt and needed help that we could experience together. I am in the process of leaving. It is a lot harder than it seems considering he is the breadwinner. My situation is not the worst but it is emotionally and physically affecting me. I have never been so thin and malnourished, and have repeatedly had stomach ulcers throughout the relationship.
March 14, 2016 - 3:41amThis Comment
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