Dear Anonymous: I just now, today 06/08/15 joined this forum because I wanted to share my story with someone that it might help. I've been depressed for a while and didn't know why. I started on a self-discovery today and before I knew it, I was writing down "Pat's Rules" - all of my husband's rules. The thing is, he knew better than to shove them down my throat but he has been consistent with these rules for 18 years - even re-stating the rules as if he were joking. But I realized, he has spent years telling me what to do, what not to do, what I should do, how I should do it. I didn't realize it because I had spent my childhood being bullied and controlled by an older sister and raised by parents who were in a mind-controlling religion called "The Truth." So, one by one, I wrote down these rules today and I got to 28. Anything from "don't touch the thermostat" to "don't put anything down the garbage disposal." He asked me "what's wrong" today after I had slept in the spare bedroom last night - and I said "what does it matter? You'll just yell." And true to self, his raised his voice and I went upstairs. He followed me and for the first time, stayed calm as I read each of the 28 'rules' to him and told him that I wasn't going to be treated like a child anymore - that I'm 52 and do not need a daddy - that I'd rather live on the streets than be controlled or not have equal control of how things are done in my own home. So, that's where we are. I'm determined to see a change - but he did stay calm for the first time ever. Just stand your ground. If you can't stand your ground and get anywhere, then leave for a few years like I did. When I came back, he promised things would be different and here I was, seeing the same old patterns. I feel 30% relief but it's kind of at the "you need to show me" stage. So, I hope my story helped you. If it didn't, I'm sorry and wish you good luck with your life. You deserve the best, as I do. xoxoxo
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Dear Anonymous: I just now, today 06/08/15 joined this forum because I wanted to share my story with someone that it might help. I've been depressed for a while and didn't know why. I started on a self-discovery today and before I knew it, I was writing down "Pat's Rules" - all of my husband's rules. The thing is, he knew better than to shove them down my throat but he has been consistent with these rules for 18 years - even re-stating the rules as if he were joking. But I realized, he has spent years telling me what to do, what not to do, what I should do, how I should do it. I didn't realize it because I had spent my childhood being bullied and controlled by an older sister and raised by parents who were in a mind-controlling religion called "The Truth." So, one by one, I wrote down these rules today and I got to 28. Anything from "don't touch the thermostat" to "don't put anything down the garbage disposal." He asked me "what's wrong" today after I had slept in the spare bedroom last night - and I said "what does it matter? You'll just yell." And true to self, his raised his voice and I went upstairs. He followed me and for the first time, stayed calm as I read each of the 28 'rules' to him and told him that I wasn't going to be treated like a child anymore - that I'm 52 and do not need a daddy - that I'd rather live on the streets than be controlled or not have equal control of how things are done in my own home. So, that's where we are. I'm determined to see a change - but he did stay calm for the first time ever. Just stand your ground. If you can't stand your ground and get anywhere, then leave for a few years like I did. When I came back, he promised things would be different and here I was, seeing the same old patterns. I feel 30% relief but it's kind of at the "you need to show me" stage. So, I hope my story helped you. If it didn't, I'm sorry and wish you good luck with your life. You deserve the best, as I do. xoxoxo
June 8, 2015 - 5:26pmThis Comment
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